1) What color is your shampoo?
No fucking idea - a little green possibly?

2. Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?
No fucking way, as my teachers were utter fucking dickheads and not remotely attractive. I would like to crush a few though.

3. Is 80’s music really cool?
No, it sucks ass. No really, it does. You’re a moron who follows trends without thinking. No really, you’re a fucking moron.

4. Do you think Britney Spears is hot?
As i’ve seen her in the flesh when i worked at MTV, i’d have to say a fat “no”. Make-up does wonders Little girls do love to idolise fake little morons for some reason.

5. Can you name any David Bowie songs?
for god’s sake, if you can’t, then you need to get an education, fast.

6. Have you ever seen the Never-Ending Story?
Nope, thank god, and i never plan to

7. Do the bottom of your shoes say anything?
“Help”

8. Do you like raisins?
dried up dirty little berries? not my bag, although someone once told me they are full of carbs? Don’t believe that somehow….

9. Is punk really dead?
More importantly, is music spineless and a generation of pop-lovers entirely voiceless? If Sky blocking out the words “lets start a nuclear war” from “Gay Bar” is OK by you, then yes it is dead.

10. Do you know what prunes are made of?
la la de da

11. What is number 1 on the Periodic Table of Elements?
Hydrogen - and i’ll bet you had to look it up. In fact i had better too. A chemistry a-level wasted there then

12. What company is your computer made by?
Toshiba - a fine brand that can take a fucking bashing

13. Have you or did you ever watch Barney?
no

14. Alcoholic drink of choice?
i don’t drink anymore because of medication, but it would normally be a beer or a vodka/lemonade.

15. are you wearing socks right now?
No i’m barefoot, and about to wear sandals to walk down the strand. thats a very asinine questions.

16. What do you think of the clarinet?
Utterly pointless instrument, unless like in American Pie you put it up your wim-wam

17. Ever wanted to be a pimp?
I am one apparently, but not really - exploiting women isn’t really my thing and makes me distinctly uncomfortable.

19. Have you ever wanted to join the circus?
As a performer, ringmaster or act? Run by fucking pikeys so i don’t think i’d do very well there as a posh surrey boy.

20. Look at your right wrist. Is there anything on it?
A red wristband for the Israeli ambulance service, saying “i helped save someone’s life”.