- Your life doesn’t suck. Children in the 3rd world who have to walk miles just to get clean water have lives that suck. Shut up. Grow up.
- If you set your MSN to away all the time, its exactly the same as just being “online”. Yes we have worked out that you’re not away.
- “Please comment my pics”, “make me feel loved”,etc etc. Just get some therapy - you’re embarassing yourself.
- You really, really, REALLY love your friends? They’re even in your main profile pic! Hurrah! Who doesn’t? STFU.
- Biting your nails is your worst habit? Its not. It’s mediocrity.
- You’re crazy, wacky and fun-loving. You love going out clubbing and spending time with your mates. So does everyone else. God help us all.
- Your band sucks. No really, you suck. Having 20 16-year old friends doesn’t mean anything other than 16 year old girls are stupid.
- I know how cool you are by the speed at which your page crashes my computer. The more movies, songs, animations and flashing backgrounds the more amazing you seem.
- Want to know how we worked out that you’re a fat fucker? From the fact the only photos of you are from the neck up.
- Only ugly chicks have 10 of their photos at crazy ‘angles’. Screwing up your face or putting the camera over your head doesn’t suddenly hide the fact your face is like a welder’s bench
- Yes, everyone is bisexual now. Its fashionable. Kissing your best friend doesn’t make you bisexual or even bi-curious, it makes you an attention whore.
- I refused to add you because you’re either a) ugly, b) fat, c) jail-bait, d) a blatant attention whore or e) dumb. Get over it.
- If you really think you’re ugly, you wouldn’t post the picture in the first place.
- Never forget that when you write something on the internet, you are royalty addressing everyone on the planet. Make sure to begin with “People, .”
- Conversation requires 2 people. Don’t send a message and then expect someone to entertain you. Go to a circus.
- Tom isn’t going to suddenly include a feature because you posted it in a bulletin, nor is he going to sort your personal grievances.
- If you have time to waste on a survey, at least have something more to say than a word or two. Try a sentence.
- Wow, I’ve never seen that pose before. It must be unique to you. Because you’re special.
- A nice face and cleavage only gets you so far. No wait, lets talk more about you.
- Oh great! Another bulletin! That must be your 20th today? Oh and you’re forwarding it because it says you will fall in love in 2 days if you do.
- Think reading is boring? Its not. You’re just too dumb to get the whole idea. You don’t watch much TV? You’re lying, and we all know it.
- Its amazing how much you can tell about a person from the letters their name is made of, their favourite colour and their starsign. The more stupid love gimmicks you add to your page the happier we all are.
- I added you because you were hot, not because I want to hear all about your political beliefs.
- Getting pictures taken of you a few times is not “modelling”.
- Guys may be stupid at the best of times, but we definitely pick up when you’re a self-obsessed, vacuous celeb-wannabe attention whore who can’t manage even the most basic of conversation. Moral of the story? Think, before you pretend to “think”.
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