I often use the Star Wars Jedi metaphor when Im writing or talking at conferences, and other than having a chuckle at my silliness, people often ask what I mean. Emma recently said I changed her way of thinking, and a lot of people who know me will have heard me say something about being one of the Jedi. From that, you can surmise that Im talking about a select group of people with skills that normal people dont have or havent developed.
And I am talking about that group of people. Youve probably met a few, recognised it, but not been able to put your finger on it or describe what theyve got that sets them apart. They make up about 5f the population in each country and really stick out once you know what youre looking for. Some will not be fully there, but just starting out or on their way. Its often easier to see their opposites. My friends slowly filtered automatically through to be mostly these types of people.
The people Im talking about are those who seem to have achieved more than the average person the millionaires, sportspeople, celebrities, inventors, scientists, philanthropists, authors, musicians, city high flyers, politicians, leaders and opinion-formers. People who are influential in their cultures, countries and to the world at large, those who seem to have an ability to rise above the rest and do amazing things the rest of us can only hope to dream about, let alone actually do.
So how do they do it? Most people spend their lives trying to make enough money to survive or simply deal with the everyday problems, like bills and raising kids. This 95re generally referred to as cattle by successful people. By the way, I dont class myself as one of those people, I just happen to know a lot of them, which is why I can talk authoritatively on the subject.
I know more millionaires than anyone I know. Thats not because Im somehow special or feel like boasting, its because I run into them more often in the business circles I tend to live in, and because Ive sought a lot of them out deliberately. A small percentage of them are worth billions. These people live an entirely different life and think on a totally different level to the rest of us. Incidentally, those millions are not typically cash what they own is worth is millions, but youd be surprised to learn how little money they have in the bank (if indeed they use a bank, which most dont as high street banks are a rip-off and the discerning wealthy person uses a private bank or offshore account in the Bahamas or Switzerland).
A very famous politician once told me over a coffee in Westminster that 300 people run Britain, most of whom were either very rich or from good breeding. The upper echelons of social class and wealth in the UK form an inner circle that is impossible to penetrate. You need to be in that network to make things happen, and its inhabited by CEOs, Lords and politicians who call a friend to make a deal rather than offer it out a number of competing suppliers. Its a very, very small world, and you wouldnt know about it unless you crashed straight into it, which is, funnily enough, exactly what I did.
And what happens when you spend time with this people is very interesting. You start to notice patterns in them all, traits that are common to each and every one of them. Most wealthy people are in their 50s and 60s (most, not all). Some like Richard Branson and Bill Gates, come from very supportive families, but a lot also have lost their fathers at an early age and had to be independent from when they were young. All are highly driven, numerate and passionate, with a strong attention to detail.
Some are indeed very lonely, as their world is small. They react to people they see are like them, which is why the average chav would find it enormously difficult to have a conversation with any of them. All hate time-wasters or those who are indirect their time is precious and they dont intend on listening to people drool on about things that arent consequential to them.
Theyve worked incredibly hard to be where they are, and believe others also need to go through the same experience to harden up and succeed as a rite of passage. The vast majority of people are too scared or apathetic to make anything of their lives, so this inner circle generally dont have a lot of time for the public, who they see as naïve, timid and even lazy. To talk with them, you need to be the old-fashioned courtier of mediaeval times and bring a smile to the Kings face, or take away the source of his pain.
Interestingly, almost all highly successful people are religious and/or spiritual. Youd think they worship money, but when it comes to the soul youd be wrong in most cases. The reason is simple men are tiny little apes and always need a point of reference above them to keep them together. Thats God for some, an idol or hero for others, or a sense of the greater purpose for the rest. The stress of either the loneliness or their high-octane ventures means that almost all of them suffer with an anxiety problem of some kind, be it migraines, panic attacks, nervous breakdowns or perpetual paranoia.
If youre thinking all this sounds like a lot of hassle, stop here and read no further. You are one of the herd, so move along as there is nothing to see here. Keep maxing out your credit cards on consumer status items, losing money in pub slot machines, doing the least possible to go home at 5 and dreaming that one day you will win the lottery. The information that follows isnt going to be of any use to you right now, even if it might be later. Im not saying youre a lesser person, just that its not relevant for you.
If, however, what Ive said has sparked some interest, its time to explore your first steps. The biggest problem is knowing how to get to where you want to be, and knowing the right people who can get you there. Were about to blow it wide open for you.
First, some basic home truths.
Luck doesnt exist its a myth. Youre not special, as much as you think you are. Youre not going to win the lottery, ever. If youre working 9 to 5, youre making someone else a lot of money. Success depends on how much you know, and how wisely you apply your creativity and intellect. Money is not the same as wealth. Its easy to acquire wealth, but damn near impossible to keep it. It takes money to make money, as you have to buy or invest in something before you can sell it. If you want to make 1 million pounds, you start with £900k. Its all about who you know, as all things being equal, people will always work with those they like and trust above all else. If you dont know anyone, youre not going anywhere.
The rich get richer because, again, it takes money to make money. Anything that appears overnight disappears as quickly, as nothing of any value comes easily and takes time. Its not about how it is, its about how it looks. Changing is very hard and very painful; as you will have to unlearn everything youve learnt and reverse your thinking. Your fantastic idea might be amazing and world-changing, but its worth nothing at all until its delivered in the flesh, and that takes very clever and practical people.
Next, vested interests.
Nobodys interested in helping you get where you want to be. Get over it, fast. If you get there, its less of the pie for them. If you want help, you have to package your need for it in a way that appeals to the persons interests. Youll find humanity on the way, but its very rare and you need to have something genuinely special. Nobody wants people to figure some of this stuff out or get a formula or template, as they dont like threats to their stability and cushy way of life. Money and success does very, very strange things to people. The club wants to stay exclusive, and youre not invited unless youre a friend of a person whos already in it.
On to the juicy stuff, hows it done.
Everything in general success and business relies on templates and models. Its all been done before. You need a plan, and theres plenty of research that can give you the info you need. There is no secret formula, but you will end up creating several formulae, ways of doing things, that will get you through situations. Entrepreneurs, pop stars, politicians and the rest arent born, theyre made. Simple as that. Sorry, the movie dream youve grown up believing about being discovered or succeeding overnight is a lie. Its survival of the fittest and whoever works the hardest and smartest wins. Get over the dream fast. Your talent will give you a 5ead at most, although youll be so bulging in wonder at yourself that youll personally bring it down to around 2Ã The quicker ones will overtake you in minutes.
Most successful people arent especially talented or gifted. Theyve learned to use and refine their natural instincts. Talent helps, but it means nothing if you dont know how to wield it. A lot of people are predisposed or pre-packaged with skills and gifts, which gives them an advantage, but 99f it can be learned, if youre dedicated enough. As they say in The Usual Suspects, the secret is having the will to do what the other guy wont. Look up will in the dictionary. Willpower helps you beat addictions and persevere in difficult situations. Success is a matter of knowing that life is a numbers game, listening to your instincts to pick the right situations and maximising probability. It has absolutely nothing, and I emphasise nothing, to do with luck. Luck is a myth.
So lets compare the life paths of 2 people I know. Both are real friends of mine, and chosen because they are quite stereotypical. Read that again. These are deliberately stereotypes.
First, one of the cattle, whom we shall call Joe (not his real name, obviously).
Joe was born into a lower-income middle class family and went to his local schools, leaving with a few GCSEs, a penchant for weed, debt and slot machines, but a talent for music. He took a job in an office after deciding against university and worked his way up slowly on the greasy white-collar office pole for £17k a year. He never indulged in music for fear of looking stupid and/or finding out he wasnt as good as he thought he was. He reads The Sun, has an apathetic and unattractive girlfriend, holidays in Spain, hates immigrants, buys expensive gadgets on credit that he cant afford and as an armchair critic who never does, but says, he likes to lecture everyone on how the world is.
Every day finishes with a lot of drinks, and complaints about how he, nor anyone he knows, will ever get anywhere and how disadvantaged his upbringing was. Apathy, laziness and depression mean that he forever waits for the day to come when he is compensated for his suffering, and bitterness is already ensuing for it being so late. His voice is always in the same tone, and his only joy during the week is the routine of going out on a Friday night with his pub friends to get stupidly drunk and end up eating a kebab. By the time he realises, there will be no time or opportunity to turn back or live any of his ambitions, if he could find the spirit to. I can only bear 10mins or so in his company as his misery infects me. Ironically, he doesnt see any of that in himself.
Now lets contrast that with another friend of mine, Mark. Again, not his real name, but a genuine person I know.
Mark was born into a Cypriot family and has always had a sense of sincerity about him. He walked his way through school and ended up starting a nightclub promotion company in university. Hes a man who is proud, loves his gadgets and has always been old for his age. After university he pursued a career in corporate finance but soon decided he wanted more. So he searched his family and friends and found a mentor in the form of a welsh billionaire who made his money in telecoms. They set up a property development company so he could buy his first home.
Marks now 27 (same age as me), married and has 2 kids. He kept talking to his mentor and got investment for his latest venture, which is in TV. Together theyve spent £35 million quid in the last few months and employ around 20 staff. Hes CEO, a driven and passionate guy who is also very lonely because there arent many people around him who are doing the same thing. His wife is oblivious to whats going on, but hes worked to 3am every night building a world for himself and his family. Hes humble, modest and visionary. You always have a positive conversation with him and hes always looking for new opportunities to do new things. Mark is the one I joke with about being Jedi.
So they couldnt be more different, right? Joes a loser and Mark is one of these superhuman types who people dream they are. Not so. In fact if you look, they are more similar than youd expect. They were both born, are both going to die, and both bleed the same colour blood. Neither is immune to problems with their health. Both were bored silly by school, have had their hearts broken and feel the same emotions as everyone else. They will both have kids, suffer sleepless nights and love their friends and family more than anything. They both love music, enjoy going out and want to make something of themselves. Both could suffer from things out of their control.
So why are they so different? Why did one end up one way and the other end up a different way? Neither inherited their money or was given a golden handshake. Inheriting wealth doesnt make you a Jedi how you think and what you do does.
The answer is simple. Their thinking. They think differently. All of these successful people have the same things in their lives as you do, but their mindset is different.
Change your thinking and you change everything. That may sound trite, but its the biggest open secret in the world. Every single one of these successful people thinks in a different way, and has had to change their thinking deliberately from the crap that they have been polluted with in the first part of their lives.
To some, that probably sounds simplistic, naïve and futile. How can the way you think change anything? Youre not going to change your thinking for a day and wake up the next morning with everything wildly different, with all your problems solved and dreams realised. Thinking doesnt pay the bills. But its a very, very powerful concept, and in itself it needs thinking about.
When I say change your thinking, its a massive, massive idea. Its a long winded lifelong process of continually reassessing the things you believe, how you react to what you feel, how you see the world, how things work, what you value, what your principles and philosophy is, how you will get to where you want to be, how you discipline yourself, the lessons you have learned and so much more. Its not an overnight job, and usually involves unlearning everything you learnt up until now. The reason it changes everything is because your mind determines what happens in your life that life of yours moves in the direction of your most dominant thoughts. Your mind affects other people and everything you do. Your thinking is the engine inside that mind.
If your thinking isnt right, your life wont be either. You cant do anything you want to properly without your mind being in gear and focused properly.
There is a time in your life where you get to a crossroads, for some which is the twenties and for others can come a lot later. Its what I like to call the awakening, and its very strange and unfamiliar as no-one has ever told you about it and dont know what to do. It starts as a frustration or dissatisfaction with the way your life is. Youre lonely work has started to dominate your life and you start comparing where you are now to where you were. Its very, very painful and theres a lot of your energy going in no particular direction. You realise what you dont have and what you havent achieved. Youre fighting but you dont know what for. You feel lost.
A lot of people I know are at this stage right now.
Im lucky enough to have fought my way through it and am on the other side of the river, and can help point out the way.
School teaches you very little that you need to know about the outside world. Your validity as a human being is based on how well you can remember pieces of information, that your performance is measured by single events in time (exams) and all the preparation needed for you to have a career as an academic. If only it was true that you are cheating yourself when you cheat. Its great if you want to be a scientist, a teacher/lecturer or someone whose life achievements will be based on paper or laboratory work. Its utterly useless for anything else.
The original point of school is to train your mind in different disciplines literacy, numeracy, critical objective thinking, the history of your culture, the structure of languages and the basics of how the world around us works. Thats great as background information, but thats all it is. Nobody prepared you in the skills you need to do anything meaningful with your life. You stop learning and thinking when you leave school, college and/or university. Suddenly there is a gap, a void, and nothingness as youre on your own. You learn the rest from your parents, your family, your friends and the media. Most of it is crap, and irrelevant to your specific circumstances or ambitions.
Some of the things you need to learn are how to deal with your feelings, how money works, why people are religious, how to cope with the emotional baggage that builds up, where to go to learn and get help and most importantly, how to think for yourself and succeed, achieve and lead an effective life where you are happy and motivated to make something of yourself. The key question is how you do it. You have to unlearn everything you took for granted or that which was placed in your head by someone or something else.
So you start to slowly wake up and feel lost. You get to the point in the road where you need to make your mark and decide where you want your life to take you, and who you want to be. Life is rushing past you so fast that you start to get worried if anything will ever happen. The more you think about it, the more it hurts.
There are 2 roads, but they arent obvious.
The first road is to do nothing. You wait for your big break or for something to happen, or for someone else to do the thing that will make it all happen for you. You keep putting it off and thinking you still have all the time in the world. By now youre comfortable, but feeling fear unlike you remember in the early days when you were more cavalier. If you change or something goes wrong the results could be catastrophic. It all seems too far off, risky and too much hassle.
You just keep plodding on, and the days become weeks, which become months, which eventually become years and decades. You keep telling yourself you have to wait for something to happen before youll make your move. You just need that extra years experience, for your other half to get themselves together or to get to that position in your company. Occasionally you feel alive, but staying stable means keeping it all together, avoiding risks and just getting through the basics.
The second road is very, very scary, and very risky. Few people take it, but the ones that do have never ever regretted it once theyve found themselves on the way. You make the decision you want more with your life, that you dont want the things that happened to the people youve known to happen to you. You commit completely to making something of your life and get strapped in for a bumpy ride. You start educating yourself in the black arts, consult those who went before you on how they did it and live for now. You get off your ass, build a plan and get a map for each stage of the journey.
You think, think and think some more, and the internal dialogue consumes you. You start asking yourself questions instead of telling yourself things. You decide to discipline yourself to work now for the benefits you will get later. You know you will suffer and sacrifice, but it will be worth it as you have a vision, momentum and a route planned out. You think beyond now, plan for the difficult things to come and live for yourself, not for anyone else. You deliberately choose to swim upstream and embed the decision in every part of you. Youre always trying to be the best you can be, learn more and view where you are as it would be talked about at your funeral.
Its about now when you consciously need to explore your motives by spending time on your deliberately examining why are you doing what you are doing and why you want to do what you want to do. School and university are over, working is stupidly dull and you havent achieved all the things you thought you would have by now. A lot of people give into their greed and desperation and want to make money for the sake of having a lot of money. Ask the richest people in the world what they think about that, and all will tell you that none of them did what they did because of money. Money is a great servant but a terrible master it runs away from you the faster you chase it. For most Jedi, money is a nice by-product that comes from doing what they love.
For others its about making sure they never become their parents, or so other people look up to them and validate them as people. A lot of people want to not have the hassle of paying the mortgage or suffering any more. Success for these people is a finite destination a heaven where problems disappear, money isnt a worry and suddenly everything they ever worried about is gone. Nothing could be further from the truth. Its when you achieve these things when the worries really begin, so if any of those things are your motivations, you need to think again as you will never make it. What you need is something to inspire and drive you a philosophy, a greater cause, a mission and a love or passion that will make you jump out of bed every morning. The money comes with it very naturally, as well as the fulfilment. You need to dream big.
99f people choose the first road, as it means not having to make a decision and the least hassle. But it also means a long, slow journey to quiet desperation, mediocrity and obscurity. Thats fine for some people, as they just want to be happy, live peacefully for the simple things and drift along. Apathy is a disease, just like every other nefarious way of being that sucks the life from you misery, depression, mediocrity and boredom. It involves giving up any responsibility for your future, your life as it is now and for your greater role in the world.
Some people even try to live like they took the 2nd road, even though they are firmly down the first. They run up astronomical debts pretending to live the playboy high-flyer lifestyle of someone who succeeded through taking the 2nd. But ask anyone who has succeeded and they will tell you that there is no short cut. 3000 years of human history mean you will be no different. Nothing good ever comes easily. Swimming upstream is very tiring and needs enormous strength and integrity of character. You dont get born with that or earn it, you make a choice to be that way. You wake up and decide to carry on.
Where you are now is almost certainly at the crossroads, and make no mistake dont try to put off what may be the most important decision of your entire life. Youre in charge and in control of you, and its you that needs to sit down and think through it all. Eventually you will be forced to make that decision. If you dont make it, youve chosen road number 1 by default. Dont be fooled by those who never made anything of their lives who want to give you advice. Its all a choice. Not choosing is giving in, pure and simple. You make the choice for yourself by not choosing. You dont know yet, but the emptiness youre feeling is because youre looking for meaning and purpose, and a framework to fit it in. A higher state of being, and a higher sense of purpose.
Making that choice doesnt mean you have to work out how youre going to do it all. You need to get from where you are now (point A) to where you want to be (point B). The amazing thing is that when you work out where point B, your autopilot kicks in and you work it out as you go along. All you need to know is your destination in fact youll have hundreds of destinations in your lifetime. Your autopilot will find you the map and is powered by your determination and thinking, the closer you get to it in your mind by experiencing it and visualising it, the nearer you will get in reality as your mind begins to orientate you around it. Your choice is between activity and apathy.
Once you make that choice, amazing things happen. The world starts to look incredibly different. The words you use and how you speak changes. You begin to recognise other people who had made the same choice and gravitate to them. The old friends who infect you with their apathy slowly drift away as you change and seek out the company of people who make you smile, inspire you and see opportunities to become greater. Its also quite painful as it becomes harder to empathise with them, and there are less and less people around you who understand what you see, feel and want.
Nobody will truly understand or get you from then on. But fuck them. Youre on a mission to be someone and drive down the road that is for you and the one that is your choice, on your terms. There is no greater state of being than being in control of your own life, knowing where you are headed and knowing you doing something amazing. Being a Jedi is about getting onto that road, recreating your mindset and how effectively you keep yourself going. It needs creativity and discipline, and both take a huge amount of energy and effort. But the rewards are incredible.
Being a Jedi means you have a well-developed minds eye that gives you vision, clarity, ambition, drive and the sheer will to do what the other guy wont. The journey is one of personal development or self-actualisation. Tell anyone who has succeeded in business or life about what you are doing and one of the first questions they will have is what you are doing about self-development. Wealth is about having an abundance of all the wonderful things that life has to offer, like the love of family and friends, experiences, memories, beauty, intelligence, spirituality, ambition, wisdom and so much more. It is not the same as money. You can have a wealth of money, but as a reward it means nothing without the people to share it with.
Some of the people I know who are walking this route right now are Chris, Emma, Jim, Lisa, Jo, Piers, Marcel, Andy, Shaun and Jase. The Jedi silliness might be obscure and fantastical, but it gives a name to a greater transformation in your life which comes about from choosing you want more. Youre not alone, and what youre feeling is entirely natural, so dont be scared of it. Youre on the way to becoming something else, against the grain of mediocrity and a life that needs a master, not a whimpering slave who just sits around waiting and cant make their mind up. What you need now is a structure in which to channel your energy and guide your development.
The next blog will explain how to start on the road, get the tools and get going. For that, youll need to burn your boats and never look back. No more waiting, no more putting it off you have no time to play around. You need to do it. Right now. As you read this, its time to start.
It all leads us back to the way you think, and its time for you to take a hard, honest look at the way things spin around in your own head. The table below will give you an idea, so be honest and take the time to read re-read. Learn the differences, embed them in your very soul and the world really will start to change, for the first time.
| A sheep | A Jedi |
| Wonders | Acts |
| Is bored and apathetic | Is driven |
| Does anything for a quiet life | Wants an amazing life |
| Reads trashy magazines and tabloids, if at all | Reads everything they can get their hands on |
| Gets lost | Finds a map |
| Has no idea what to do with their life | Works out what they want to do |
| Guesses | Thinks |
| Is cynical and negative | Looks for the good in everything and everyone |
| Believes they are forced | Understands they have a choice |
| Never expects anything so they wont be disappointed | Expects the best and believes in the wonderful |
| Manipulates | Controls the game and communicates |
| Watches someone else do it | Gets up and does it |
| Thinks success is a place to get to | Knows success is about the quality of the journey |
| Doesnt know what to do | Ask themselves all the things they could do |
| Speaks in generalisations | Looks the amazing and exceptional |
| Accepts their lot in life | Wants more and commits to getting it |
| Cant work out whether they are doing the right thing or dont care | Creates their own system of beliefs, principles and values |
| Decides it isnt possible | Finds a way |
| Daydreams | Works out a plan and writes down their goals |
| Believes knowledge is everything | Knows its pointless without wisdom |
| Doesnt want to rise above their station | Knows their station is whatever they choose it to be |
| Fears doing something | Fears what will happen if they dont do it |
| Cant be bothered | Makes an effort |
| Believes in luck, fate, the stars | Knows life is a numbers game and a matter of probability |
| Thinks efficiency is the most important thing | Believes in being effective |
| Waits for someone else to do it | Works out how to do it |
| Thinks being strong is not being scared | Knows being brave is about doing something even though you are scared |
| Tells themselves things in statements | Asks themselves questions |
| Gives up or gives in | Always has faith and never gives up no matter what happens |
| Expects everyone to help but never helps themselves | Always looks for opportunities to help and ask advice |
| Never leaves their home town | Travels widely |
| Thinks it can never be done | Researches whether it can be done and finds out how other people did it |
| Wants to get to a place and stay there where its comfortable | Always wants to grow |
| Wants a lot of money | Wants wealth, which is nothing to do with money |
| Depends on someone else | Depends on themselves but realises they are interdependent with other people |
| Fails once and gives up | Knows it wont be perfect first time, that failure is just feedback and adapts each time for the next attempt |
| Procrastinates and puts things off as long as possible | Recognises and learns why they are procrastinating and disciples themselves to face the things they are avoiding |
| Gets £5 and spends it | Looks for a way to turn it into £10 |
| Only deals with problems when they are so bad that they are unbearable | Knows the possible problems in advance and prevents them |
| Does the little things first | Deals with the most difficult thing first |
| Believes they will have one vocation, one love of their life and one chance | Knows that life comes in seasons |
| Screams at the sky when they are confused and angry about their suffering | Understands suffering is a normal part of life and that it produces wisdom and helps them to empathise with others |
| Expects the worst and never gets their hopes up | Works out every option and possibility in advance and plans for the worst |
| Assumes | Analyses and double-checks |
| Indulges themselves whenever possible | Disciplines themselves and makes sacrifices |
| Is obsessed with superficial things like beauty, celebrity, status and possessions | Searches for meaning and purpose |
| Wants it all right now | Understands things take time |
| Cold calls a middle manager | Sends the CEO a personalised email |
| Plays games | Gets things done |
| Only sees what is right in front of them | Sees the bigger picture |
| Spends all day drinking or smoking pot so they are forever half-asleep and numb | Acquires and consumes everything they can to be better |
| Tries to do everything all at once | Starts small and builds as they go along |
| Criticises | Encourages |
| Sees the world as black and white | Knows the world is made up of millions of shades of grey |
| Listens and acts on their instincts | |
| Gets fat, doesnt eat properly and is surprised that they are ill and sluggish | Knows mind and body are linked, so exercises and goes to the gym |
| Is driven by their feelings | Centres their life around their principles |
| Ignores their baggage and carries it with them as it gets bigger | Gets counselling and therapy |
| Spends all day on pub slot machines | Knows they are a black hole for money |
| Hesitates and worries | Sees the open window and seizes the opportunity |
| Thinks religion is for hippies and bible-bashers | Values and nurtures their own spirituality and others |
| Always believes what they are told | Questions and investigates the influences and agenda |
| Lives in chaos | Is always organising |
| Buries their head in the sand | Acknowledges what they are afraid of and faces it |
| Does just enough to get by | Always goes the extra mile |
| Never accepts help from anyone | Is humble enough to know there are people who know more than them and they arent always right |
| Destroys and pollutes the world around them | Appreciates the beauty of nature |
| Collapses and burns out | Schedules time to re-charge |
| Gambles | Chooses the right situations where the odds are in their favour |
| Waits for something to happen | Makes it happen |
| Is scared of failing | Doesnt believe in failure, only in refining the way they do things |
| Tries to work it all out themselves and assumes they know everything | Looks for mentors |
| Walks on by | Stops and helps |
| Thinks people who brag and boast have a big ego | Knows its exactly the opposite |
| Only wants to do the things they have always done | Always wants to experience new things and new people |
| Wants to be validated | Believes and trusts in themselves |
| Doesnt have any sense of priorities | Keeps lists, calendars and plans for the future |
| Says horrible things they dont mean when theyre upset | Recognises what they are feeling and never acts in anger |
| Conceals their intentions | Is open and honest about their agenda |
| Cant make a decision | Knows every decision is hard but gets all the information and makes it |
| Shuts up and takes it | Stands up for what they believe in |
| Is a stubborn perfectionist | Gets as near to perfection as they can |
| Thinks working hard and long hours is the same as making progress | Works smart by making the right moves |
| Lives like they will be 1000 years old | Has a sense of urgency |
| Doesnt want to change anything | Always wants to improve and find a better way |
| Always blames someone or something else | Takes responsibility for their actions and asks what they could do better |
| Ignores | Adapts |
| Sleeps around to feel good about themselves | Realises that its just a craving for intimacy |
| Drifts through life | Has a cause to fight for and a mission to accomplish |
| Does things half-heartedly | Gives everything they have and doesnt look back |
| Complains and whinges | Values what they have and is grateful |
| Judges | Forgives and errs on the side of compassion |
| Hears no and stops | Persists, demonstrates and persuades |
| Is a slave to their past and controlled by their feelings | Is a master of their emotions and moods |
| Knows their name | Knows the name of the first person who broke their heart |
| Works for a living | Does what they want to do in their heart |
| Keeps everything for themselves | Is generous and shares their good fortune |
| Doesnt understand that the way they talk affects the way they and others feel | Thinks about the words they use and how they talk |
| Only thinks about themselves and is insensitive | Empathises with others |
| Lies to make themselves seem more than they are | Is honest about their shortcomings |
| Wants their piece of the pie to be bigger | Wants the whole pie to be bigger |
| Takes the first thing they are offered | Negotiates to get the best for everyone |
| Talks at someone, normally about themselves | Makes an effort to have an interactive conversation and actively learn about them |
| Keeps a grudge | Is the first to apologise |
| Slags people off behind their back | Always defends those who arent there to defend themselves |
| Starts a fight to release their anger | Finds common ground and a way to make peace |
| Tries to look incredibly busy | Always has time as they are effective |
| Sees mistakes | Sees opportunities and potential |
| Spends forever getting their point across | Is short, sharp, punchy and tells a good story |
| Never knows what to say or says the wrong thing | Works out what would be the best thing to say at the right time |
| Doesnt know or care if they make others uncomfortable | Actively works to build rapport |
| Generalises and stereotypes | Understands details and the importance of variety |
| Wants everyone to be like them | Wants everyone to be the very best t |