When I was little my mum used to say that I had no sense of the impossible. The Jesuits have a very well known saying where they ask you to give them the boy until he is seven and they will give you the man. Very true in my case. Apart from loving to play around with cables, Id spend my time doing things people said I couldn’t do, or couldn’t be done. I drove my tricycle into walls and doors because I decided they wouldn’t stop me. One day I did it. I drove right through the glass pane in a door and scared the life out of everybody. It didn’t phase me. It made me even more salacious. Nothing would stop me or slow me down.

People say nowadays that as well as admiring how far Ive come, their pride comes from my persistence and sheer resilience. They rightly call it faith, as it is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen, as I often remind myself. I cant stop. I wont stop. I never have, and I never will. Its who I am, and who Im meant to be. If you didn’t know me it would seem quixotic, but its real, its happening and you can see the trail of destruction in front of you. This isn’t just talk, its walk. And its been my undoing many, many times.

If you asked anyone in my personal life to describe me in a few words (as is often done, especially for testimonials and press coverage), theyd say passionate, driven, eccentric and generous. Some even go so far to say genius, which is fantastic, but anyone can look like a genius and not actually be one. I don’t think I am (I’m too retarded). Those words are recurrent amongst all the people who know me. Its fascinating when they hold the mirror up at you. There are no small number of dissenters who would complain and happily label me quite the opposite. Unluckily for them, my character is naturally predisposed to eating that and swallowing it whole.

I was always different. My teachers picked me out when I was little, and my college tutors singled me out later on. My mum and dads church let it be known they were watching me. I thought and acted differently to everyone else, but back then I could only express it as vile, blind hatred of everything and everyone. People in the audience of the events I speak at line up to talk to me after I screech at them now and I have no idea why because half the time I don’t feel like I’m there when Im doing it. For me its a strange adventure ride, as I don’t know exactly what Im here for and what I am to do. All that I know is that its big. Really fucking big. Its a burden thats crippled me the whole of my life.

One of the greatest compliments I ever got was in a pub in Kensington from my friend of many years, Jase, who Shaun and I met in Africa and has become an immortal and immovable rock of both of our lives. He introduced me to a crowd of 5 people by saying This is Alex. Hes the most amazing person you will ever meet in your lifetime. I was grateful of the unrealistic flattery of a loveable friend, but he meant it, bless him. He told me why he said it afterwards, and I was humbled rather than pumped up. To this day it seems so silly, but the sentiment was the most important thing for me. Im not used to that kind of thing. In fact, I shrink from it.

Before you go off and put an eyebrow up, I don’t think Im amazing. Far from it. I have so many faults, weaknesses and shortcomings that Im genuinely surprised Ive made it this far. My recklessness and sheer bloodymindedness has got me arrested and nearly killed several times. Its also got my heart broken more times than I care to count. But Im confident, which people often confuse with arrogance. I never had any self-esteem that I can remember, so I had nothing to be beaten down during the earlier years. People who did have a difficult time understanding that as they are too consumed with their own insecurities and anxieties.

The way I see it, the vast majority of people I know live in a very warm and cosy coma. The familiarity of routine and the norm wraps them up in a blissful but slow spiritual death. Apathy takes over and everything gets put off again and again, and they wonder why they cant have the exciting lives their friends seem to lead or the experiences that are dramatised in the movies. The silly thing is they can. They just need to wake themselves up, and there is no-one who can do that but themselves. Anything you could want is right in front of you for the taking. The dream youve been craving is right around the corner just a little farther from your nose.

My drive consumes me. My body gets ravaged and starved, my mind cant focus on anything else and everything I am is put into getting to the end of what I want. My insight comes from having vital minds eye, which we all have, but don’t necessarily have the luxury of being able to use effectively. I naturally visualise the end result or situation that I want to get to and cant rest until I’m there. Having it there disrupts everything, my sleep, my peace of mind, whether I manage to eat and my emotional health. Frustration winds up me to the point of rage when my hands dont work as fast as my mind. Its the reason why I destroy every computer I go near, simply as I haven’t found one thats been built yet that can withstand me.

They put in therapy for it. The church tried to exorcise me several times for it. They sent me to psychiatrist for it. The GP gave me drugs for it. I checked myself into counselling. I took drugs to numb it out. I took it out violently against those who abused me. I fell into nervous exhaustion which had me hospitalised 3 times. But I learned to use it and channel it over time, because if I didn’t, I firmly believe it would kill me. And all those who have tried to help agree. Its that intense. I fear nothing but God, and myself. I fear myself more than anything.

All that matters is the mission, and that it gets fulfilled. Everything else is peripheral, even the basic living essentials. There is nothing anyone can do to me. There is nothing they can do to stop me. Even if I keeled over and died now, my legacy is in motion. People are building businesses around the ideas I have brought into the air and buying into a philosophy Ive evangelised in front of hundreds of people at a time. Im 27, but my colleagues are CEOs of multi-million dollar companies and some of the most powerful people in media. When I speak, people sit up and take notice. Those ideas are imprinted in their minds and are as such immortal. And as V says in V For Vendetta, behind the mask is an idea, and ideas are bulletproof.

There is no way I can explain it, and I dont know how Ive got here. Hard work is one thing, but its not that. Luck is another, but its not that either. One of our team (Ian) recently said going to meetings with me is like knocking on open doors. I didnt open them, they were already open somehow. I see the weakness of your argument in seconds without knowing how. I am 3 moves ahead of you in my mind but cant do anything about it when it comes to my heart. I understand the route you need to take within a few minutes of you explaining your confusion. I get flashes in my mind of scenes in the future that I dont remember until Im there when they happen.

I wish I could learn to use all these things to be a better person, but Im too young to know how, to my frustration. I fuck it up all the time, every day. I wish I could open up my chest and let whats in there out so it can just stop the screaming. I wish I could talk fast enough to satisfy my desire to flood the world with the words on the tip of my tongue. Maybe some day I will be brave enough, and the world has let me know in no uncertain terms its waiting for me, and Im late as usual.

Its amazing how much my mum says I’m like my grandfather. I never met him as he died before I was born, but I share so much in common with him. He was a very wise and rich man who embodied the values I have now, which is only realised when I was old enough to understand. A lot of that is due to my mum passing them on, but a lot of it is actually just me. He saw life as a road, and while you were on it, you could choose to push people off it or help them on their way. His belief was to help them on their way, and he became truly great for it. He also said to choose your friends carefully and that he didn’t care who my mum married as long as he was kind. A total and utter ruthless bastard in business too.

I think he’d get on pretty well with his grandson.

We often hear a lot about the seven deadly sins, which is a Roman Catholic invention, like so many other parts of Christian faith portrayed in the media. Those 7 sins are also the 7 founding pillars of what we call human nature. They are the dark, evil and selfish side us monkeys are naturally inclined to indulge ourselves in. Sin is a very old word that stems from the concept of betrayal, as outdated as it sounds today. To sin is to betray your relationship with someone rather than commit a wrong as is commonly thought. If you cheat on your wife, you sin against her. Murderers sign against their community. A list of sins is a list of times you have betrayed someone.

The word scapegoat also comes from Judaic times. The Jewish faith celebrates Yom Kippur, which is an annual event where a goat is sacrificed to take the sins of Israel. Its bizarre how we remember the bad things more pertinently than the good. The equivalent of the 7 deadly sins are the seven virtues; faith, hope, charity, prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance. When the true beauty of the good side of humanity emerges, its blinding. The irony is that you only see it when times are dark, and it shines a light.

And that is our collective responsibility, to be a light in the darkness. My choice is not to be scared. My choice is to be honest and not play the games people love to play. My choice is to fight for the world I want to live in and the place I want my grandchildren to inherit. My choice is not to hold back or hesitate. I wont stop. I wont rest and I wont let up. As long as there is a breath in my body I wont give up, and I wont let you either. And that marks me out, then so be it.