1.) What curse word do you use the most?
Well, many variations of “fuck”. Regular expressions of my beautifully diverse vocabulary include the charming “You fucking moron”, “what the fuck am i wasting my fucking time on this fucking crap for?”, “Get out of my fucking face”, “for fucks sake”, “thats fucking retarded”, “what the fuck are we doing here?” and “do you think i’m fucking stupid?”. In fact, a brief conversation with my dad tonight ended up with him being flattened because of his stupid, anal obsession with not tolerating swearing on TV. The fool made the mistake of attempting to force his beliefs on me. Surprised he hasn’t learned by now and i’ve had to punch it into him so many times.

2.) Do you own an iPod?
Yep, one of those 60GB photo things. I bought two of them last summer, one for me, and one for the significant other. Used it for a month or two and the bastard broke. Never bothered to get it fixed, wasn’t that impressed with it and have one of those groovy Sony Walkman phones now that i bought by accident. One of the most brilliant things ever invented, simply as it targets women so well. I tend to use a whole load of audio enhancers on my mp3s so hearing them in their original crapness put a dampner on it for me.

3.) Who on your Myspace “Top 8″ do you talk to the most?
Hmm probably my sis. Family aside, almost certainly Suz and Beth. The latter of whom is in Israel right now and i’m desperately worried for her safety. If anything happened to her i’d be distraught as she’s my solace and brings the world back into balance. I just wish i had more time to be able to spend with all of them but there is always something dragging me away from having any form of meaningful social interaction. I’m not too good with the whole work/life balance thing at all, which resulted in our entire team demanding i schedule a 2-day holiday on the spot last Thursday.

4.) What time is your alarm clock set for?
I’ve gone through so many of those things and i keep reading new ideas for controlling my sleep cycle every day, none of which seem to work. I have it set for variable times as i don’t ever sleep regularly or have a specific time every day when i need to get up. Some days its 6am, some days its 10am, depending on what my schedule for the day is. Mostly i’m up for 9am and get into the office for around 10-11, although i’ve been seen drinking coffee at 7am on the train when i’m particularly motivated or pissed off.

5.) What color is your room?
I don’t have a room, so i can’t really answer that. Although my days as a nomad living all over the place have got to come to an end soon for the sake of my own sanity. I’ve never had the privacy of some own space really (not true privacy anyway) and never really felt like i’ve had a home thats secure and welcoming. So thats meant no decorating the place to my exact tastes or be able to hve somewhere thats my own. Going to be amusing when i do though, as i’ll be totally lost for a few months whilst i get used to it. But thats what i’m afraid of - i don’t want to commit to somewhere in case i lose it.

6.) Flip flops or sneakers?
Trainers any day. Only time i’ve ever worn flip-flops was around 2 years ago and as i don’t walk properly it was a hilarious sight (car accident fucked up my right leg and nobody bothered to tell me for over 10 years). The left one was fine, it was just that the right one kept falling off my foot. Marce tells me there is a special way of doing it, and as with all such things i’m sure he’ll teach me what i need to know.

7.) Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
For a man with the most functional mind’s eye i know, i am truly pathetic when it comes to photography. I’m also notoriously camera-shy and self-conscious. I love pictures and i love film, and i can see things in my head and want to get them on film. So i guess you could say i’d rather take the picture than be in it. Apparently i’m a bit of a charismatic little shit, but unfortunately for me that doesn’t translate too well in regards to being photogenic. I don’t smile or make any other expression for long, but with Beth’s image consultancy that should change soon.

8.) What was the last movie you watched?
“Kidulthood”, which disturbed and moved me in equal measure. If you haven’t seen it yet, download it now and watch it as its a brilliant piece of film making. The plot follows a bunch of very fucked-up gangster kids in West London on a day off school, caused by a pupil’s suicide after being viciously bullied. My type of films are the ones that ask “what if”, and i can’t stand people who only watch movies that make them feel all warm inside (yes Lise, thats you) because they are works of art and social commentary, not fast food to be consumed and thrown away. Many are shit too of course.

9.) Do any of your friends have children?
As i spend most of my business days with men in their 30s and 40s, yes they do. In fact, the overwhelming majority do when i think about it, and its strange as they talk to me about it as an equal even though my knowledge is strictly anecdotal. Outside business, luckily most of my compadres are pretty intelligent and understand the concept of contraception, unlike the inhabitants of the many chav estates this country hosts. For the girls its given them a sense of purpose and taken over their emotional investment, allowing them to make much better choices in the masculine company they keep.

10.) Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Oh yes, and they regretted it 20 seconds later. Its always fuckheads whose lives consist of working for working’s sake, doing work that has no meaningful purpose or personal implications. Don’t get wrong, as i can be az lazy as the rest of them, but what i’m working towards is so intimately tied into who i am thats its an obsession that never lets up. On that basis, its physcially impossible for me to be lazy. When you love what you do and are genuinely interested and passionate, laziness just doesn’t enter into the equation. The question we need to ask when someone is appearing lazy is why they aren’t interested and/or what’s preoccupying them.

11.) Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
I have to, as its the only thing that works. My mum always tells the story of when her and my dad were having a dinner party and they sedated me as they didn’t want the noise interrupting their little get-together. Naturally, i fought it and screamed my fucking head off. Since then no sleeping tablet has been strong enough, as my body fights them all and i’m always wired. I have to be completely, utterly physically and mentally exhausted in order to fall asleep, and i mean exhausted. I’m beginning to suspect that its a fear of vulnerability and getting hurt, as i can’t seem to sleep when i stay at my dad’s place but i wind down quicker elsewhere.

12.) What CD is currently in your CD player?
I don’t do CDs, but in terms of what i’m into nowi would have to say Buckcherry. They’re a fucking rip-off and the record labels know it all too well. Give me mp3, m4a/aac, ogg, flac and the rest and i’m happy. Digital means portable, so flexibility for me is the important thing. I want to take my music with me everywhere, on my laptop, in my pocket keychain, on my phone, on my mp3 player, on my TV, on my stereo, in the car and everywhere else. When we were in school, CDs were the big amazing thing and we spent weekend after weekend buying the fuckers. Thank god those days are over as now i can download anything from anyone all over the world. Every CD at my fingertips.

13.) Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
What kind of a fucking questions is that? Its clearly going to be chocolate all the way, and if you think differently you have a serious problem that you need your GP to look at. Milk on its own tastes shit, and god don’t even get me started on cheese.

14.) Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Its only Monday, so not yet. I’m privvy to many secrets though, as most of what goes on in our business world involves gagging orders (or NDAs as they’re called legally) and confidentiality clauses. However i am the keeper of many secrets, many of which could be extremely damaging to many people if they got out. Some things need to be aired, and some need to be confined to the eternal chasm of oblivion for the greater good. Always good to know that there’s plenty of blackmail material right off the shelf if i need it.

15.) Have you ever given someone a love bite?
Plenty, although most of them when i was a teenager. Fascinating to see how easily they appear with the very minimal of pressure though, as from what i understand they are basically a bruise. Whatever minor genius thought them up as a romantic gesture deserves some sort of weirdo award as if i had one now i’d be mighty embarassed. Can’t say i’ve not been tempted to really bite in fucking hard and tear out a chunk though, especially with the girls i’ve kissed on the cheek knowing their duplicity full well.

16.) Who was the last person to call you?
Today it was Chris, who was calling to say he’d won his big contract with Newsquest and to thank me for my help i gave him that enabled him to get it. If criticising and being harsh about a few powerpoint presentations counts, then i’m one hell of a help. Stupid fucker always calls at the wrong bloody time though, as he’s on corporate hours and i’m on the Cameron timezone. What that means in English is that i’m all over the place, all the time and its impossible to predict when would be a good time to actually reach me in whatever way.

17.) Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
I know they do, and how i love it. As Oscar Wilde so gracefully put it, there’s only one thing worse than being talked about, and thats not being talked about. Andy Warhol also famously said that the more he shut up, the more people talked about him and he weighed his press coverage rather than read it. I’m of the same ilk. I don’t give a fuck what you think. Or anyone else. Unless you’re a close friend, your opinion means fuck all to me. I’ll know if you talk anyway, and when i find out i’ll make sure everyone knows about it very publicly so they never trust you again. In short, carry on, but don’t presume you’re important enough to matter.

18.) Did you watch cartoons as a child?
I’m sure i did, as my nephew does all the time. All i can remember is Airwolf and the A-Team. Coincidentally, i was thinking about what i’d buy if i had 10 billion pounds, and the answer was that i’d *definitely* get an Airwolf. If there wasn’t one to buy, i’d pay someone to make it.

19.) How many siblings do you have?
One, and she’s pretty cool. A great mum, a compassionate listener and a very wise sage. I worry about her all the time and do my very best to annoy her as much as humanly possible. Jose has always been the little darling of the family tht everyone wants to brainwash and program, whereas i’ve always been the black sheep who no-one could ever get or control. Strange really as we’re so different yet so alike, and she’s the only person in the world who can truly understand the weird consequences of the shit i went through as she went through it too. Right now she’s in Bournemouth on holiday with our neurotic mum. Can’t wait to see how long she lasts….

20.) Are you shy around the opposite sex?
Not shy, but maybe reticent. I’m a very affectionate guy but i’m not touchy feely, if that makes any sense at all. I don’t get shy as such but i’ve never made the first move as i’m just too scared to and can never get the timing right. I’m also useless at hugging people (Kerri says i freeze up and it drives her mad) and doing the whole cheek kissing thing. More of a handshake man i guess. I would love to be a lot more openj but i just don’t know how or where to start as i’d just feel stooopid. Once i’m comfortable and safe with people i’m usually OK, and i hate making those around me uncomfortble in any way as i know they pick up on my coldness.

21.) What movie do you know every line to?
Definitely the incredible, amazing and brilliant work of genius that is Withnail & I. Its a student cult classic and one i can watch over and over and laugh out loud at how wonderfully clever the script is. Fast-flowing intelligent and articulate conversation are what seduces me quickly, and there are so many films i know with that. Some good examples are the Kevin Smith genre (Clerks, Mall Rats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay & Silent Bob etc), Aaron Sorkin’s work (The West Wing etc) and most material by the Wachowski brothers (Matrix trilogy, V For Vendetta).

22.) Do you own any band t-shirts?
Not anymore, although they were the thing to have in school, other than CDs. Most of the t-shirts i have are tongue in cheek or offensive (official bastard of the year, disgruntled employee of the year etc). Its not i have a problem with advertising the bands i like, more that its firmly a teenage thing that doesn’t quite fit me. At the moment i’m really into getting custom shirts made as its so much more fun. And yes, there might be one on its way to you very soon

23.) What is your favorite salad dressing?
God help us all. I don’t know. The one thats pinkish or the one thats whiteish.

24.) Do you read for fun?
I read out of love, passion, fascination, wonder, interest, boredom, obligation, concern, joy and a whole plethora of other reasons. I read simply to read, or learn something new as my brain starts to starve after 20mins or so with no activity. Learning is an addiction and compulsion for me, which is no bad addiction to have. My dad tells me i used to read newspapers and encyclopaedias when i was small, even the huge broadsheets. The way i see it is that reading helping me to evolve, and each iteration enhances my life, opportunities and prospects. I can learn a technical skill that adds 25k to my expected salary just from buying a book for 25 quid.

25.) Do you cry a lot?
Hardly ever, like most men i think. Its been a lot more in the last few years as i’ve come to let go and let nature wash away the crap that builds up. My instant reaction to all things emotional has been to grab and strangle them as violently as possible, and after that file them away somewhere deep, damp and unseemly. I always used to be afraid to as i was scared that once i’d started, i’d never stop. But now, being such a new age man type of chap, its something i occasionlly do in private when i feel the tension physically start to build up in my chest.

27.) Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
I’d say a laptop, but everyone i know would say its a desktop. Seriously, my laptop is huge. The very first question i get when i pull it out of my rucksack is whether its like the sports car complex tht some men have, in the way they buy a fast car to make up for what they lack elsewhere. The honest answer is that i need a big screen as my eyes are fucked and as i spend so much time on a PC its the only sensible choice. Very seriously thinking of chucking it in for  Blackberry though as its heavy and carrying it around is annoying. There’s no computer thats ever been built that can handle me.

28.) Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoo?
Fuck no. There was a day when i romanticised the idea of tattoos, until i’d been arrested a good few times and realised that if i wanted to disguise myself to avoid detection it would be near impossible with permanent physical markings. Piercings just freak me out. Why the fuck would you want metal through your sensitive parts? Am i missing something? Did i miss a meeting? I couldn’t even do an ear or nose, although i once considered an eyebrow as that seemed to be the only only non gay equivalent. I don’t have any big hangups about them in the opposite sex though, unless of course they are everywhere.

29.) What is the weather like?
A brief cursory glance outside the front window pane 6ft in front of me indicates that its rather crap. Mild infrequent showers with a gentle north-easterly wind. Temperature unavailable.

30.) Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
I think the key word in that sentence is covered, and thats very much a subjective term. Covered to me means one on each limb, but to others it means everywhere including your face. Not my bag baby, although i do find it fascinating as tattoos are basically the modern equivalent of what we did as cavemen, and what so many tribes do in the wildest parts of the world. I find the cultural significance far more attractive, but then again i am weird like that. I wouldn’t judge anyone for having them, and my heart knows no colour so i doubt i’d have a say as to whether i fell for them or not.

31.) Is sex before marriage wrong?
Oh how i love this question, and i’m the scourge of religious dogmatics everywhere for my answer. Marriage isn’t a religious institution, its a legal one that was formalised by the romans for the purpose of passing on inherited land rights. The theory is that sex is an intimate act with emotional consequences that deeply affect us if not in a safe and responsible environment like marriage. Religion is intricately linked with culture, and when you consider these instructions you have to understand they reflect the time and culture in which they were set. If you think for a minute that Middle Eastern Aramaic (Jewish/Arabic) people living thousands of years ago before we even had law, human rights, electricity or even the right to vote are appropriate counsellors for life in the 21st century, its time to think a bit more. These people also stoned criminals without trial, kept slaves, kept women in strict servitude as the dirty and damned, and banned the eating of certain foods. The answer is that as long as you are take on the responsibility of someone else’s feelings (and your own of course), then its not a case of right and wrong. God has bigger things to worry about and this bullshit is almost always peddled by people without a regular or enjoyable sex life.

32.) When was the last time you slept on the floor?
I do it quite a lot actually as sometimes its just more comfy than a bed and a lot cooler on the warm nights. Part of the chiropractor’s bible is allegedley the prescription of hard solid floors and strange postures, which i can’t quite buy into yet. Thats when i sleep of course, which is rare enough by itself. I’m a barbarian when it comes to such things and i don’t fuss about creature comforts like my mum and sis do. I’ll grab the bed when i can but if that has implications or puts me in a tight spot the next day then i’ll pass and grab the floor.

33.) How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Its a funny thing, but the more i sleep the more tired i get. I can sleep for 14 hours overnight and have huge bags under my eyes for the rest of the hours before i turn in again. They say that people who sleep less have a longer life expectancy and the healthiest guys i know generally don’t sleep a lot as a rule. For me, about 5hrs is the absolute minimum before i collapse in a haze and stop functioning. If its going to be less than i just don’t sleep and carry on regardless as i’m wired well for deprivation. I often just doze without sleeping for 10mins at a time and get on with things afterward.

34.) Are you in love or lust?
Neither. I wish i was in love, but its proving hard to find the magic i need. I worry about missing out when my calendar is as insane as it is as life flies by so quickly that by the time you’ve looked round months have passed. Girls flirt with me all the time and make their intentions known, but a lot of the time i just don’t have the emotional energy to take it any further. To tell the truth i’m pretty cynical about women and i have a very low libido to boot. Its rare for me to see someone so beautiful that they knock me off my feet, as i see a lot of beautiful women who have men lusting after them by the bucketload. What i want is to look into someone’s eyes and realise the world has suddenly disappeared and my stomach is in knots.

35.) Are your days full and fast-paced?
More than anyone i know. My days are insane, especially the last few weeks. I have so much to cram in and never get anything done, probably because i take on too much and my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I don’t get to eat lunch and miss out on tea until after 10pm. A normal day means 8-10 meetings, as many of which i take standing up or walking, and responding to anything up to 400 emails. I’ve never had anything less than 5 full time projects on the go at once and normally take 20-30 calls over the day. Most evenings mean business dinners or drinks or seeing friends, and weekends are the only respite i get for rest.

36.) Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
I wish i did. I’ve been trying to work out the whole diet thing as mine is so appalling its not funny. The trouble is the material is so fucking boring and i can’t get interested in it as much as i try. From what my personal trainer tells me, calories are fairly irrelevant in the big picture as the most important thing is a balanced intake. The routine he wants me on is 4000 or so calories spread over 6 or 7 meals a day. Can’t see myself doing that any time soon. People who spend their days adding up and counting calories religiously make me laugh. Its so sad.

37.) How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
A miserly but youthful 28. I’m getting worse and worse about birthdays every year now so much that i’ve developed a tradition of leaving the country to relieve my mood. Luckily my birthday is at the end of the year so i can get both that and xmas, the universal arguing season, over in one shot. i don’t mind it, but i’d like to be younger and pause time for a while. Its a funny equation as you wouldn’t trade in the wisdom time brings but you don’t want thw antiquation and redundance that comes with it.

38.) Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Fanatically, but not to the point of genocide. I hate it when people don’t make the effort to learn new ways of expressing themselves or even double check what they’ve written makes sense and is understandable. Text message language is the very worst culprit as its the ultimate in laziness. Language and conversation are beautiful and powerful ways of articulating who you are, what you believe, why you think the things you do and are your soul’s signature for the world to see. People don’t put up with notes that are out of tune or songs that are 3 seconds long, and i won’t put up with abbreviation, vulgar crap or illiteracy that comes from apathy rather than something legimiate like dyslexia.

39.) Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Nope. No idea where that is, buit i suspect its in the US.

40.) Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
One look at my friends list and its obviously the opposite sex. Men are incredibly, profoundly dumb. I get along with guys and i have my tard moments just like everyone else does, but the feminine composition fascinates me. Women are so gloriously complex and diverse, in what they say, how they think, how they express themselves and everything they do. I just react better to that and find it more engaging than talk about football, guns, work and the like. Women have empathy, strength, beauty, the ability to multi-task and run entirely on feelings. The soul of a woman knows no bounds but accepts a master in the right man.

41.) Do you like Cottage Cheese?
I absolutely fucking hate it, along with all other food types with cheese in their name. Cream cheese, cottage cheese, they all taste and smell foul. Put this ner me and you’ll end up with it all over you.

42.) Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
On my left side. Took me a long time to realise that and i had to have it pointed it out to me by other people. I twist, turn and fidget so much thats its a miracle i sleep at all. By that time i have no idea what position i’m in. Rarely i sleep on my back, but thats when i’m on the couch and the corners of my eyes are creeping in. There have been a few occasions that i’ve fallen in the chair i’ve been sitting in and had to be woken up, which is why i hate meetings because they bore me so much that i just can’t help myself.

43.) Have you ever bid for something on eBay?
For an uber geek, i’ve had suprisingly little experience with eBay, even around so many eBay addicts. I’ve bought a thing or two off there but only by proxy as i can’t be arsed with all the waiting around just to save a few pounds on some shit second hand item i could get new right away if i paid a few quid more in a shop. Call me old fashioned but it just seems so inefficient and long winded. When you work in interactive TV as i do, often the only place to get the old set-top boxes to test software on is either eBay or Loot. We wouldn’t have to do it if the morons who owned them updated them as often as they do their mobile phones.

44.) Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Who doesn’t? I’m just not very good at receiving them, and often have to be forced. My closest friends know and appreciate my emotional shortcomings so tend to just override any resistance they detect and go right ahead regardless of whether they think they have permission or not. Its charming in a way, but often means i have people all over me and don’t know what to do other than stand there looking bemused. The trouble is that i seem unapproachable and cold, and thats not me really underneath. I like to hug people randomly and spontaneously but don’t get the chance often enough. I go weeks without one, when most people i know would be screaming after a few days without human contact.

45) What song did you last sing out loud?
I hum rather than sing, and listen to so much music every day thats its hard to pick one out that i’ve bopped along to above the rest. Amongst my favourites at the moment are Jet, Black Label Society and Buckcherry. There’s nothing quite like a good crooning with some air guitar, and its damned therapeutic.

46) What is your favorite TV show?
Working in television means you come to a new appreciation of it that you wouldn’t necessarily have from just being a passive bystander or ordinary viewer. A lot for it is produced because its so cheap and profitable (Big Brother, Test The Nation etc) and some of it is just because its a damn good concept that makes great viewing. The latter is so very rare these days (mostly American, which tells you a lot), and diamonds in the rough are diamonds nonetheless. The things to look out for are programmes that break barriers like The West Wing, Brass Eye, the recent Stephen Lawrence documentary, the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Big Love, Curb Your Enthusiasm and a few others.

47) Which celebrity dead or alive would you want to have lunch with?
I’d want a massive dinner table with as many guests around it as i could possibly muster. Bill Gates, Bill Hicks, Jeff Buckley, Kofi Annan, Nelson Mandela, Stephen Covey, Scott Peck, Oscar Wilde, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, Buddha, Pilate, Voltaire, Slash, Issac Newton, King Solomon, Bill Clinton, Douglas Adams, Jackson Pollock, Guy Kawasaki…the list goes on and on…..

48) Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Before i gave my speech at Mindshare the other week. I’ve given quite a few, know my routine and material very well, but i still ask myself why the fuck i am putting myself through it every time 5mins before i’m due to go on. The internal dilogue goes along the lines of what was i thinking when i said yes, why did i not think about the consequences and oh fuck why didn’t i prepare a lot more thoroughly. I wanted that answer to be when i saw her walking up to me and smiling, before she said we should go to the park and lie in the grass until the world missed us.

49) What one thing do you wish you had?
I can’t say its one thing, as i have loads. Patience and compassion with those who anger me. A helicopter to take me around instead of the tube. A beautiful mansion in the English countryside which i vacated on the weekend for a few days on my own desert island. A group of like-minded entrepreneurial types who were as insanely driven as me. A home. The time to see the people i love. The ability to sleep or rest whenever i wanted to. 100 billion dollars so i could change anything or everything i wanted to. A machine to stop time so i could walk around whilst the world stood still. My nan so she could see me now. Tickets for a fully paid up holiday. A better haircut. A girlfriend i was wildly and passionately in love with, and who was just as in love with me. A huge choc fudge cake making machine. A lamborghini. Assurance that all the sacrifice i’m making now would eventually pay off. A fucking great big hammer to smack all the people who’ve let me down, frustrated me, annoyed me or just deserve to get a frying pan to the side of the head.

50) Favorite Lyrics?
Listen to “Weight Of The World” by Saliva, and you shall know me.