Archive for October, 2006

24
Oct

The Secret Future Of Me

I was going through some of my notes and paperwork this evening to organise the plans I have for the future, and thought I’d open them up slightly for people to see the direction I’m heading in. I’m not revealing everything, obviously, but it’s worth putting my cards down on the table.I want an extraordinary life, and I plan on having it. I’m going to be working my ass off in the next few years to have the contents for a great autobiography and memorial. I’m obsessed driven by it but also quite arrogant and lazy too, which is a bizarre combination when you think about it. I’ve already come too far to go back now.

An idea is just an idea. Delivering it is a lot more difficult, which is where goals come in as they give you structure and milestones to measure your progress and get it done. Until you write it down and commit to it, it’s just a pipedream.

Anyone can have an idea. In fact millions of people have millions of them every day. The world’s problems have been solved thousands of times over and billions of new products, services and organisations have been created in the minds of human beings all over the planet.

But talk is cheap. Money talks, bullshit walks. 1% of those people actually make their idea happen, whereas the rest stay firmly in the armchair in which they were conceived or languish in the wheelie bin the beermat or napkin was thrown into.

I try to do a little bit for each every day, although I am thoroughly disorganised. The usual story is to wait until the day you have all the time, resources and motivation you need and do it then, as you’re allegedly wasting your time if you don’t have them in the first place. It’s a profoundly stupid notion as these things take years to develop and evolve, and some only grow in the absence of those things.

I’m always working on a lot of things, more than I can usually handle. These are some of them. And yes, I am really working on all these. That’s when u say I’m busy, I mean it.

Most of them revolve around a few companies, BEL and Devil’s Lane being the main ones.

The Prophecy Digital Media Platform (10% but ongoing)
This is the basis of my new company and vision, BEL. Naturally I can’t say a whole lot about it, even though the cat is somewhat out of the bag now we’ve starting talking with potential customers and partners. It’s going to take 5 years, but the beancounters are forecasting that if executed correctly, most of our first-stage investors are going to be worth 8 figures afterwards. It’s a worldwide system that will re-engineer the internet and is the most ambitious media play the industry has ever seen as far as we know.

IPTV - An Open 4th Platform (90% done)
My first book. If you Google my name, you’ll see I write a lot of articles and essays about IPTV that get re-published all over the world. Over time they’ve become very influential and have done a lot to build my credibility and reputation, so the natural next step is to pop them all together in a book for an easy read. We have 10 or so steps to go through yet, but it should be in my hand for my birthday in December and be available on Amazon and in Waterstones for around £29.99. I am going to be glowing with even if it does just sell only 3 copies.

The No-BS Guide To Christianity (60% done)
A second book that I’m waiting to get the publishing template right for before releasing, but a personal one for me that I’ve been writing for 20 years without knowing it. I just got sick and tired of all the religious idiots I see every day and decided to set them straight. There is a point for every page. Page 1 is titled “Adam and Eve didn’t exist”. Not sure how I’m going to get this one out to market yet, but its going to piss a lot of people off.

The Battle Against Myself (40% done)
Another book, and one that will probably only be released after the BEL Prophecy system is out there and working, as a lot of it is about making that happen and striving to achieve great things. It’s a load of articles I’ve already written (and already published on MySpace, like the Jedi essay) plus a set of chapters I’ve yet to reveal. It’s a semi-autobiographical work about the true struggle of making big things happen, like battling clinical depression, having faith when the world is against you and dealing with the baggage you’ve built up on the way.

A Son Of Perdition (15% done)
This is my current fascination, and was inspired by some of the things I am going through now and the experience of seeing An Inspector Calls at the theatre at school. It’s a Shakespearean play about a man who becomes the most powerful and deadly war leader the world has ever seen, but loses his own soul. There is only one person who can save him from himself when he’s no longer the messiah people saw him as. Perdition is violent chaos, and is the name of the antichrist in the book of Revelation. I’ve got some crucial scenes down but its going to take a while.

Secret Kingdoms (10%)
My first screenplay, and one that I originally conceived whilst reading a book about secret societies and listening to Angel by Massive Attack. Screenplays have a very specific format, so it’s proving tricky to get the hang of. Its very much like a modern day Romeo & Juliet fairytale with 2 warring families who are powerful secret organisations in aristocratic London competing for business and influence across the world. The male lead is ordered to kill the girl he is in love with who happens to belong to the rival family, so they kill the central matriarch leader and take over both.

Urban Bliss Collective (not started yet)
All the movies I like ask the What If? question, and I remember talking with friends in London about the random nightmare lottery of flat sharing, how all girls have a psychotic side and how fake the series Friends is. So I took it one step further in true Paradise Lost style. The urban bliss story is essentially about a group of trendy London socialites who appear to have the ideal life, almost being obsessed with each other and thoroughly insular. Friends the programme, gone very, very wrong, when jealousy and betrayal creeps in.

Cartel (40%)
If you’re familiar with the highly addictive game Dope Wars, you’ll love this one. We originally pitched the idea to MTV, who were too chicken to take it. Our plan was to turn it into a massively multiplayer drug-dealing community that you could get involved with through pressing your red button on Sky. Dope Wars is a simple game where you have to make as money dealing drugs as you can without getting busted. Our version builds massively on that, with different daily market prices, real-life UK geography and competition with friends.

Collegespace (80%)
Our own private version of MySpace for old friends from my sixth-form college, that is a lot better than this crappy site. Its very simple, very easy to use, and a lot of fun. We’ve built in messaging, photos and news updates, but the most important part is that it is deliberately written in plain English, rather than geek-speak. Should be live by the end of the month when I get round to putting Marce’s design on it.

Workspace Office (20%)
A lot of space-name projects at the moment, although in fairness, this one was named way before I registered on MySpace. Workspace is a very powerful set of web-based software that fills all the gaps MS Office misses out. Doing business is a lot more than creating documents, and Workspace has a set of very clever components that give you a virtual office workflow environment for syncing devices, networking and planning that works alongside your normal office software. I know the perfect CEO for it too, but as I don’t have the time to code it, its going to cost me a chunk of cash to get some East European guys to write it from scratch.

The Amigo Mission (30%)
Our top secret 3 year ambition for 3 very close friends to circumnavigate the globe and visit every capital city of every country in the world within 6 months to promote the BEL project. From our research no-one else has every done it in human history. People think we’re mad. We probably are, although when we had the map and laptop out in the pub planning away, the crowd of people fascinated with it was encouraging. Yes, we have a website for it, potential sponsors and a route mapping for the whole journey.

My 2 restaurants (5%)
I could spend years planning restaurants, hotels and themed bars, simply as they are great money-makers and very easy to set up and maintain. I have 5 books on starting restaurants and another one on hospitality. I want to bring The Carnivore to Nairobi and have my very pudding take away (called Puddin), Starbucks-style. Both those 2 have logos and business plans ready, but I’m not going near it for a while until the other stuff is done. Lately I’ve been toying with the idea of a private bar/cinema/mini 4-poster-bed hotel club after spending so much time at the Fox Club, but haven’t taken it any further.

Video Game Education (5%)
I already have the next project after BEL ready to go, and I believe it will be equally, if not more important than digital media. I read an article in Wired magazine a few years back now which made me leap out of my seat, and it was about how well children respond to learning via video games (e.g. Playstation, Xbox etc). Rather than publish the games, my little company will be building an IT system for schools that will integrate video games into the day to day GCSE curriculum and class learning activities. I’m totally in love with the idea for its potential.

And with all that, I’m learning magic and amateur rocketry, as it helps neutralise my need for blowing things up and manipulating people.

And no, it’s not all just projects, there are more important personal objectives that I want to achieve too.

I’m thinking marriage in my early thirties, with the first little one on the way shortly after when I’m confident of being financially comfortable enough to provide a wonderful world for my own little family. I want at least 5 kids, who will all be getting the very best of everything I can get for them and have a dad who is obsessed with being the best dad ever.

There will be a house in the country, and a city penthouse or two. No private jet unfortunately as they are too expensive to run, and believe it or not, I’m actually very conservative financially speaking. I’m sacrificing my life now so that I can have an incredible one later. I’m not one of those cutesy types that get a mortgage early on or rigorously maintain an ISA for that rainy day in the name of being sensible.

That’s not for me. I’m aiming fucking big and bypassing all that tiny crap. I know what I want and I’m having it whether anyone else likes it or not. It’s all or nothing for me, no looking back and no hesitating or second-guessing. I’m just going for it regardless of the risk or consequences. It’s what young guys do best, as Machiavelli rightly observed in The Prince when he compared fortune to a woman who was best commanded by the likes of a young man.

But to put it bluntly, I’m not stopping until my net worth is in the billions. And rather than that just being an empty claim, I actually have a very detailed plan to get me there. It’s going to start in media, but it’s all ultimately leading to an eventual long-term career in international politics later on in life when I have silver hair and a very thick skin.

If you want to know where I’m going, this might help you to understand a bit. It’s always good to make a public commitment to your goals and projects. Life is what happens when you are making other plans apparently, so I’m not rigidly and stubbornly focused on having the plan exactly as I want it, but to have some structure is better than nothing.

17
Oct

Lies, Fallacies & Platitudes

Fallacy Pronunciation [fal-uh-see]
–noun, plural -cies.

1. a deceptive, misleading, or false notion, belief, etc.: (That the world is flat was at one time a popular fallacy.)
2. a misleading or unsound argument.
3. deceptive, misleading, or false nature; erroneousness.
4. Logic. any of various types of erroneous reasoning that render arguments logically unsound.
5. Obsolete. deception.

—Synonyms 1. misconception, delusion, misapprehension.

I hate lies. I hate lying, and I hate liars. Lying to me or lying in front of my face is a sure fire way of getting yourself kicked out of my life very ungraciously. There is no higher principle in my life than truth. Indeed there are fewer higher principles in most people’s life. Lies are almost always unnecessary, cowardly and gratuitous. And there is no mitigation due to the size of the lie. A lie is a lie, is a lie, is a lie. A small lie is no better than a very big lie, despite what the CIA says. There are very few situations that cannot be resolved far more effectively and righteously with the truth.

Lie in front of me and I’ll know you lie to me. Slag someone off to me and you slag me off to other people. It’s a very simple equation.

But there is something wrong in this Age of Aquarius and era of spiritual self-awareness. We know more than we ever did but feel more disconnected from who we are than ever before. Even though we can communicate more effectively than ever, we are lost. There is a dark and cynical restlessness in so many people that drives them to behave in strange and self-destructive ways. We can put our finger on it but we know something is wrong. There is something under the surface we’ve become estranged from.

Politicians “spin” the facts, journalists manufacture drama, TV makes sell us dreams and everyone around us seems to want to sell something or create an impression in our minds of what they are. We feel empty and unsatisfied on a spiritual level. There is a hole we see in ourselves and each other that we try to fill with anything that appears like it will help, often short-term evil in favour of long-term good.

And you shall know the truth, as the truth shall set you free. People respond to truth, and they know and recognise it at a spiritual level automatically and implicitly.

Businesses, brands and companies feed drive bullshit into your head repetitively as it makes you buy their products. They scare you, make you feel insecure, incite your envy, upset you, shock you and all manner of other manipulative tactics because it sells their goods and services, and hence drives their business and makes them money.

This is bullshit marketing. Get over it and see it for what it is. It’s designed to make you buy and consume products. If it’s a complex you have, most likely someone bullied you and implanted it in your head when you were a kid. Wake up and exorcise it from your head.

Governments and communities run securely through having structure and order. Chaos makes a mess, costs money and can hurt people. Keeping you dumb, apathetic and ignorant is a simple and effective way of maintaining order. It also helps politicians to personally do as they please, and helps them to relieve you of taxes that can pay for new initiatives that help them get one over on their rivals and re-elected to power.

Organised religion fights itself and its competitors to enforce morality and order on us to recruit new members and swell its ranks. Corruption spreads through our institutions as the seductive craving of power is too gentle to be felt and too much to be resisted. Everyone is telling us every day who to be, how to behave and why we are the way we are. Football clubs are our new tribes.

If you actually take a look inside your own head and objectively analyse what you belief and why, a startling pattern emerges. Most of it is opinion. Its someone’s take on something, not the facts. Ifs things you never questioned and just believed, yet you don’t know why. You’ve been gently brainwashed without knowing it. You’ve been patterned, conditioned and infected simply because everyone else has too. You’ve allowed people to lie to you, distort your view of the world and enjoyed it as it took away your anxiety and made you feel better for a little while.

But once you identify the demon in your midst, the only way to exorcise it is to fight through the fog, call it what it is and to set about surgically removing to replace it with truth. Your truth. Out truth. The greater knowledge and understanding that defies consumer marketing and social apathy.

Its time to start asking the questions and get angry about why its there in your head in the first place.

Who taught you this? Why is it in your head, and who put it there? When did you pick it up, and why? Why didn’t you question it and just accept it?

It came from a company, a newspaper, a friend, your parents, their parents, a TV programme, a book, a teacher and many other places. Out with the old, and in with the new. Its time to see the lies for what they are so you can be free to be the best you can possibly be.

So let’s take a look at some of the most common fallacies held in people’s minds and kill them right here, right now. You may not think you believe these things, but you almost certainly will, albeit on a much deeper level than you realise.

It could be you who wins the lottery
It’s not going to be. You are a fool. The odds are 14 million to 1 against and it’s *designed* to look possible when it’s virtually impossible. The house always wins. If it didn’t, it couldn’t afford to run itself, and charities wouldn’t get any funding. The lottery is a political tool and was created as a tool to let the government of the hook for its dismal support for charity, social projects and small business. You’re desperate for hope and to feel special. Yes, you can’t win if you don’t play, but you’re not going to win even if you do. Spend the money on something more worthwhile.

It’s better and easier to avoid conflict if you can
In the short term it probably is, but conflict is a natural and healthy part of life. It doesn’t feel very nice, but you can’t please everyone all the time and someone will inevitably disagree and/or be offended. You can’t avoid upsetting people in this life because we’re implicitly different from each other and crash into each other all the time. Some people you really don’t want validation from. The secret of some people’s success was in who they said no to, not just to who they said yes to. You can hurt them a little now or a lot later. 99% of the time, avoiding the problem in the short-term makes it 50x worse in the long-term. Every second you put off saying it or dealing with it makes it worse.

Mr/Mrs Right (”the one”) is out there
This is bullshit that gooey novels and Hollywood movies have drilled into you from when you were a child. It’s a wonderful romantic fantasy notion that sells a lot of books and films. The truth is that there are a lot of people who are very right for you in many stages of your life, and finding someone who is right for you at that time in your life that you can grow with as the years go by is truly special. There is no “one” soulmate or person, although it’s possible to get very near. True loves takes years and huge amounts of work once the honeymoon is over to reconcile differences and consider someone else.

Celebrity = fame = worth
The price of success is fame, and once you’re famous for something you have a few years of shelf life to achieve financial security and/or establish a long-term career before you are forgotten again. After that it’s very difficult to get back into a job or normal life again. It’s like climbing to the top of a mountain to find out there’s nothing there. Most celebrities are deeply damaged or unhappy. Notoriety doesn’t equal integrity or quality. Popularity shouldn’t decide how valuable you are. You slag them off, yet you worship them. Just because you know who someone is does not mean they have done anything worthwhile or should be held in any esteem.

Money will take away your worries
It won’t. The lack of it might create them, but getting more of it simply creates different problems. Once you have it, holding on to it is impossible as there are always so many people all too happy to relieve you of it or help you spend it. It’s not the money; it’s the things you can get in exchange for the money. Those things are irrelevant and superficial. Almost all millionaires are paranoid, deeply isolated and unhappy, and if you don’t believe that, you simply don’t know any. Don’t believe the marketing. The only things that are worth anything in life are the things you can’t buy.

It will just arrive on your doorstep
It won’t. You have to get off your ass, go out, and get it yourself. It has never arrived on anyone’s doorstep, ever. Everyone who has ever got it has had to work and fight for it. The fact you believe it can is a marketing lie. You won’t be discovered without putting yourself in front of someone, you won’t earn anything without doing it, and the world is not waiting in a queue to make you happy. Think of the probability of it just happening. Then think of the probability if you work your ass off to make it happen. You take the better odds every time.

You’ll do it later
You won’t, and you’re kidding yourself because it’s easier than thinking about how uncomfortable doing it might be. There’s no reason you can’t do it right now, or put something towards it right now. You’re not doing it now because you’re lazy, lacking faith or just scared. Putting it off is a mechanism to avoid the anxiety you feel when you think about it. The chances are 70/30 against that you will actually do it. The most likely scenario is that it will take 10x longer than you think it will, there will always be something more important to do and by the time you actually decide to get round to do it, its too late, you missed the window of opportunity and you lost the chance.

Sex is just sex, and doesn’t mean anything
This is a lie people tell themselves to block out the consequences of how they behave. Sex is about intimacy, and the mind, body and spirit are always interlinked as part of the human condition. You are not an object or robot, and you are more than your body. It’s the most intimate thing two human beings can do. If you don’t think that has any emotional ramifications, you are an idiot. Tell yourself anything you want, the truth is that there are always emotional complications, even if it’s the way you feel about yourself and the other person isn’t involved. A craving for sex is more often than not a craving for intimacy. Other times it’s about lust, validation and/or power. Sex itself is almost always an expression of something else, rather than something in itself.

The quality of your life comes from the “things” you own
You don’t actually *need* any of that shit you own, even though you think you do. You need warmth, shelter, water, food and safety. Clever marketing has programmed into your head that you need it, it feels good and fills a hole in your life, and that you are defined by it. Its crap. Spend a week in a place without it and you’ll know it’s totally irrelevant. None of it matters, and in fact, being without it forces you to re-evaluate and even enriches the quality of your life because you appreciate the simple things, and god forbid, other human beings.

Anything for a quiet life
You’re not designed for quiet or peace, so enjoy it while it lasts. Homo sapiens is the only species that systematically preys on its own kind. You are designed for war and survival. Your biological goal is to pass on your genes in competition with your rivals, and nature is a meritocracy that selects you for your strength and overall virility over that of those you vanquish. You will kill for your children and give your life for your friend. Peace may a worthwhile higher goal, but you are an animal just like every other. Accepting your humanity means embracing your darker side as well as your angelic nature.

You have plenty of time
You have so much less than you think you do. Reaching full adult takes 30 years. Your prime fertility period is generally between 20 and 40, and building a career takes a minimum of 10 years. Your mind and body will be in irreversible decline from around age 50, at which point you will slow down and have little opportunity to achieve the same types of things you would have done if you started earlier. Things always take 3x as long as we think they will. You naturally assume you will live to at least 70, or sometimes 100. Very few do, and the life expectancy stats make grim reading. If you’re a boy, you have 30 good years, and as a girl, probably 10-15 at the most to do what you want to.

You can’t do that
You can. You can do anything if your will is strong enough. Will finds a way to provide resources and courage. The only thing stopping you is you. You have beliefs, programming and experiences from the past embedded in your head which hold you back. Most of the time it is someone else’s words in your head, not yours. You are fighting yourself, as most of them are subjective and based on how you felt at the time. The people around you more often than not don’t want you to succeed as it will make them feel crap.

Don’t stick your neck out, fit in, and be like everyone else
You have a deep need to feel accepted and like you belong. Everyone does. Hiding away is warm and secure as nobody will notice you, pick on you or be horrible to you. It helps those above you stay where they are because you won’t threaten them. Rising above your station means disrupting the status quo, which a lot of people don’t like. The only way you can make anything of yourself is to be different and be someone. You have to be unique and develop your specialist skills and talents, which means you will naturally stick out. Its that, or suffering the same irrelevance as all the people you dislike or despise.

Homosexuality is unnatural
An odd one, but a common belief. Unnatural means something doesn’t happen in nature. Nuclear explosions are found in the sun, so even they are natural. There are over 1500 documented species that exhibit homosexual behaviour on this planet, which means it is found in nature. It’s not an argument in any discussion. Its culturally unacceptable, and nothing more.

Immigrants are stealing everything we have
Uncontrolled immigration is causing problems. The key word is “uncontrolled”. Immigration itself provides diversity, drives our economy and is often the decisive factor in whether we succeed and fail in what we do. If immigration stopped, our country, or anyone else’s, would collapse. Asylum is a legitimate humanitarian principle that is good, right and necessary, but is appallingly managed as some of the best qualified immigrants to our country (doctors, lawyers, nurses etc) can’t work because of their temporary status, even though they want to and could contribute to our country enormously. The immigration issue has been hijacked by journalists to sell newspapers, and by far-right political groups to stir hatred. Don’t believe everything you read, and stop before you turn people and groups into objects in your head.

Laws are always right
Everyone Hitler did in Nazi Germany was legal. Laws are made by the people, for the people. They enshrine what we deem as acceptable and unacceptable in our culture and help keep order. They are different in each country as they reflect the differences in culture. Some laws are deficient, unnecessary and unfair. All of them must be challenged, and the legal profession relies on precedents set in court, that is decisions that have been made before. Life is too complicated to be able to have boxes that everything fits into. Laws are not moral standards, they are pieces of paper made by people with vested interests.

You were born special
Your mummy and daddy think you are special. Everyone’s mummy, daddy and friends think they are special and tell them that they are special. Everyone wants to feel special and wants to believe they are special. It’s up to you to make something of yourself. Having a great idea means nothing, make it happen does. No-one else thinks you are special, or will reward you simply for being who you are. You may have been born with gifts and talents, but the proof is in what you do with them and the action you take.

Popular = good
Just because everyone likes something, it doesn’t make it good. If 1000 other lemmings are throwing themselves off a cliff and the herd mentality kicks in, it doesn’t mean what is happening is right or true. Groupthink dictates opinion and makes you feel secure as someone else is doing it. If they are all doing it, it must be right so you don’t need to challenge it and stick out. Charts are rigged. Popularity is exploited as a form of “social proof”. People believe anything you tell them if someone else believes it. The TeleTubbies single was a chart number 1, but it was shit. Artists’ work is only appreciated after their death and unpopular and/r unliked whilst they are alive. IN fact, its only true that the things that are the most unpopular are the most important and/or influential.

Spiritual = religious
They’re not. Religion is a framework for someone’s spirituality. Being religious doesn’t make you spiritual, as paedophile priests testify to. Being spiritual doesn’t mean you have to be religious. Spirituality is the matter of the heart and soul, and is about the things you can see or touch, but can feel. Love is spiritual, as is hope, as is truth, as are most emotions and higher principles. Religion is organised dogma, ritual and ceremony that forms a way of expressing belief. All normal human beings are spiritual creatures whether they like it or not, and whether they are religious or not. It’s built into us all. Problems like fundamentalism and fanaticism happen when people put religion (a creation of man) at the centre of their being instead of spirituality.

Things happen by “accident”
They might do, but very rarely. Those “accidents” are almost always part of a marketing plan to make people look very special and talented, when in reality what got them where was a tonne of hard work, sweat and tears. Accidents and so-called genius set them apart and make sure few people challenge them. They enforce mystery and separate people from the general crowd. You can get anything that’s worth anything unless you work your ass off for it, and nothing good comes easily. Don’t believe the marketing. You can’t do it that, neither could they or anyone else in a few thousand years.

Anyone can live the dream
It’s a beautiful fantasy. Anyone can become a pop star. Anyone can make a million Anyone can become famous. They can’t. If you can’t sing, you can’t become a singer. Being good takes a hell of a lot of practice, and that’s only 1% of the equation. There is no dream. It’s marketing. It makes you curious and makes you consume as it presses your button for wonder and fantasy. Getting there is incredibly hard, and only the top 0.001% make it. You need to be brilliant at marketing yourself or extremely talented. That’s not a great statistic. Most of the best quality bands, directors, artists, philosophers and scientists were never discovered or fell into obscurity,

Society as we know it is falling apart
This bullshit has been spouted by right-wing newspapers like the Daily Mail and Daily Express every day since they were first printed. Fear sells newspapers and they put this slant on things t make you notice them and buy their product. Drama makes people read. It’s yet another simple formula that very few people seem to get. Society has been crumbling and falling apart for thousands or years but we’re still here. Rock n’ roll was going to bring about the total annihilation of our culture as we knew it in the 1950s, as was communism in the 70s. Today its paedophiles, immigrants and political correctness. What they are talking about between the lines is change. Societies, cultures and communities change, they don’t get better or worse. Those terms refer to people’s opinion, not fact.

Be happy with the cards life dealt you
You can have more. You deserve more. Your children’s future depends on you. Nothing moves on or gets better unless you want more. The dissatisfaction and unhappiness with your life as it is will drive you on to get something better for yourself and those you love. Its ok to hate what you have as long as you do something to change it or use that frustration to better yourself and enhance the greater good. Random circumstance and people’s choices gave you what you have. Its natural to want to go further. What is your gain is other people’s loss, so they don’t like you sticking your head above the parapet, criticising them and/or doing things to show up their own failures or inertia.

Rapists behind bushes and paedophiles at the playground
These are very dangerous lies. They are stereotypes that very rare, but often get reported in the media as they make a good story. Over 90% of sexual crimes are perpetrated by those who already know, and already have a relationship with their victim. Crime against a random strange is almost always linked to drug-related or violent crime. Sexual crimes are about power, not sex, and hence are very badly named. Children are most likely to be abused by members of their families and women are raped by their husbands, friends and/or dates.

Friday night partying
The barometer of a good night out in the UK is how drunk you got. Alcohol is a very nasty poison that depresses the central nervous system. It removes inhibition that is there in the day when we are sober. Most social surveys report that the myth of the Friday night party animal are massively overblown. The vast majority of people (70%+), even in the 18-30 bracket, list their favourite Friday night activities as having dinner with friends or spending time with their significant other on the couch. The ideal that your social worth is determined by how you drank, where you visited, how loud you screamed or how late you stayed out is carried on by those people who want to appear to be more than those around them.

Money lenders want you to live your dreams
Nobody has any interest in your resolving your debts and paying them on time. People lend money to make money, not to help you. They wrap it up in a cosy packaging to make you buy. The longer you take, the worse you struggle, the better it is for them. The longer you just pay off just the minimum amount on your credit card, the more money the make from the interest you owe. Its not a free ticket, and they don’t care about you at all. They are horrid, evil and greedy companies that prey on your emotional needs to trap you into a cage that allows them to milk you dry. They are not your friends, they do not want to help or support you, and they are not responsible caring people.

You have to be perfect
You don’t. No-one on planet earth has ever been, or ever will be perfect. People want to be perfect as they think they won’t suffer the problems they have. Unfortunately its like money in that the nearer to perfection you get, you just end up swapping one set of problems for another. People don’t trust perfection. It makes them suspicious, uncomfortable and makes them feel crap about how imperfect they are themselves. That the reason politicians often deliberately publicise a vice or fault they have, to their apparent disadvantage. We only empathise with others through their imperfections and the resonance with ours. Mannequins and computer animations are perfect, but false. Often imperfections are what make who we are and are perfections in the eyes of others.

Your vote won’t change anything
Not on its own, but in combination with other people it certainly will. When we vote, we act as a whole rather than as an individual. Our personal contribution makes up something greater. If you have no vote, you have no say. There is no such thing as a “protest” or “wasted” vote. That line of spin is politically expedient for the biggest political parties against their rivals, and exploits their size and your need to be a lemming. Your obligation to vote is not with you or the country, it is will everyone else you lay eyes on in the street. You need to vote for them and to declare how you stand. You are part of something bigger than yourself. If no-one voted as they thought their vote didn’t count, we wouldn’t have a country.

Exams and memory measure your intelligence
Our school system is a joke and desperately needs an overhaul. Education in the Western world is measured by the power of your memory. Allegedly this changes into a focus of application as the years and seniority goes on. Memory is not intelligence. Intelligence comes in many forms, such as logic, problem solving, lateral thinking, spatial awareness, artistic ability, emotional intuition and many other forms. Richard Branson was a dyslexic school drop-out, and Einstein was a classroom dunce. Exams are nowhere near as accurate as coursework because they show what your competence was on one day as opposed to a long-term record using coursework. An education system that caters for everyone can’t possible truly measure the particular strengths of one individual as everyone is so wildly different.

You can’t change anything
You’re just one little person in a very big world, with limited resources, influence or support. Someone else will have to do it with or for you. Not so. The greatest things in history have occurred through the actions of one person, and that person alone. Only those that stick out from the rest and change the day actually change the world. Groups do very little, and they all have leaders and are started by someone. They only way you change things is by yourself. It’s not easy, it may take a lifetime, it may involve suffering, but only you are the unique combination of your upbringing, your beliefs and your experience and hence are unlike anyone else who has ever lived. Its in the interests of a lot of people to keep you thinking like that. You can, so do.
This all sounds very negative and cynical, but it demonstrates a principle I set out a while ago. Once you identify the crap, you know what to avoid and can make space for the good. Only by knowing the lies can you find, recognise and understand the truth.

P.S. If you haven’t got John Mayer’s new Album (Continuum), then download it ASAP. Its fantastic.

16
Oct

Toilet-Licking Word Association

So i’m entertaining in the Fox Club today, and ended up talking non-stop from midday to 8pm in a flow of meeting that crashed into one another, and one of our conversations yielded the most fascinating (and utterly disturbing) stories i’ve ever heard. We were discussing the sheer amount of weirdos on the net, and looking through the infamous AOL search log listings. If you haven’t seen this, read it now.

One of our guests (Rory) told us a tale about his brother’s friend who had a part-time summer job manning the CCTV at Waterloo station. Because of the all problems in the toilets with junkies, drunks and tramps, they installed cameras that looked over the cubicles so they could see what was going on in them. The camera themselves were placed subtly so they looked just over the top, but weren’t angled far enough in to reveal people’s person toilet-going experience.

So one day, he catches sight of this city-type guy in a suit, who finds his way into a cubicle. So far, so good. Nothing weird about that. But suddenly his boredom turned to horor when he saw what this guy was doing. He takes out a loaf of bread and a tub of margarine.

Ok so thats a bit weird. But nothing compared to what came next.

He then started to wipe the bread around the toilet bowl so the filth that was on the sides was served up on his “sandwich”, and started eating it in the most violently hungry way. Our supervisor friend is staring in disbelief by this point and utterly dumbfounded. But toilet-boy’s best was yet to come. He then got down on his knees and according to the limited view they had, then appeared to start licking the bowl itself clean. Yes, really.

The supervisor guy had no idea what to do. He took it to his boss, who had no idea what to do. There was a policy for junkies, but not for rich square mile bankers who have a penchant for scat in public toilets. What was more disturbing was thinking that he probably went home to his wife and kids afterwards, and kissed them goodnight.

Life imitating art? Unlikely. None of us could even think of something doing that, let alone survive watching them do it. There are some very, very, VERY strange people in this world.

Anyway, normal service is resumed. Time for some quickfire word/phrase association.

1. Cigarettes: guilty pleasure and social crutch
2. Sex: never felt like it did last weekend
3. Relationships: the most valuable thing in life, love and business
4. Your Last Ex: pure but damaged
5. Power rangers: kiddie toys and probably no1 single
(what happened to 6?)
7. Crack: intense
8. Food: inconvenient but necessary
9. President: republic
10. War: the mother of invention
11. Cars: pollution and traffic
12. Gas Prices: ridiculous insanity
13. Halloween: commercialised
14. Bon Jovi: enjoyable American cheese
15. Religion: a framework for spirituality
16. MySpace: the worst designed site on the net
17. Worst fear: missing out or failing
18. Marriage: 50 years of hell
19. Paris Hilton: irrelevant
20. Brunettes: gorgeous
21. Redheads: dramatic
22: Politics: where you betray your principles for your interests
23: Pass the time: listen to music and write about life
24. One night stands: pointless and sterile
25: Mobile Phone: remote control for your life
26: Pet Peeves: impoliteness
27: Pixie Stix: no idea
28: Vanilla Ice: quiff
29: Berets: should stay in France
30: School: inefficient and ineffective
31. Pijamas: stupid on men, gorgeous on girls
32. Wood: fire
33. Wet Socks: long winter walks
34. Pictures: captured moments and memories
35. Your first love: big eyes and beautiful eyelashes

13
Oct

1 Second Through My Eyes For A Mile In My Shoes

There was a moment recently where the most beautiful girl in the world confessed to me she didn’t think she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Obviously, she was clearly wrong, as is anyone who says something I don’t like o agree with. I replied to her that if I could have anything, I would want her to be able to see herself through my eyes just for a second so she could see what she really is.

And before you reach for the bucket to puke into, this is not going to be another 5000 words around the subject of how amazing Emma is and why i love her. Ok so there might be a little of that. But more importantly, if only women could truly appreciate the wonder we have for their species. When you hate yourself, feel like the world is falling part or that we don’t care, we fall to bits with you simply out of disbelief and the injustice of it. We just can’t say it in the way you want us to. We feel it, but it’s totally alien to our Neanderthal makeup, and our friends spend hours ridiculing us for it. Even in private it’s difficult to describe what we see and feel.

Our silence is not indifference, it’s because we can’t find the words to describe what we’re feeling. Every guy wants to be able to say it, and most of the time we just sit their in idle fascination. I wanted to take a few minutes out and help out my fellow cavemen by putting some of that feeling into words, and Emma is my natural reference point as the girl I want to be with and I get that speechless awe in an extreme way with her. Maybe your boyfriend feels the same way. Maybe you feel these things and can’t tell her. Maybe you don’t know we think these things, or that we’re so useless at communicating it. Maybe I’m just very weird and am the only guy that thinks like this.

Every woman should hear these words. Every man should take time to say them.

Girls wanting romance, and guys not bothering with it really frustrates me. Everyone sees it in movies reads about it in books and spends hours pining for some excitement to walk into their lives and spice it up and take them away to another place for the fairytale. Every girl should be romanced. Guys love the chase, girls love being chased. Its exciting and its fun. Its memories to tell the grandchildren and to look back on fondly. Apathy stops us because we can’t be bothered or expect someone else to get up and do it first. If you want that wonder in your life, you need to make it happen and seek it out. Fairytales follow me because I conjure them, not because I’m lucky somehow.

I wish everyone could see the world through my eyes and see what I see. Plato rightly observed that at a touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. Neil Gaiman furthered that by saying in their head, every lover is a madman, and in their heart, a minstrel. Love is a wondrous thing that cures all and gently breaks the back of its opposites that always seem to be more prevalent. It brings colour where there is black and white, music where there is silence, and warmth where it is freezing. But love is a dangerous thing, as when we experience a glimpse, it wakes us up to how little of it we have and how unhappy we really are with all the other parts of our lives.

It’s at that point where we associate love with that pain and squeeze it out so we don’t feel the discomfort and can get back into the comfort of our coma. We reject the wonderful feelings on the basis that they bring contrast to, and highlight the bad ones. Hope can spring fear and sadness.

So in my eyes there is Emma Louisa Brown, a pretty dramatic example of someone who raises my blood pressure to boiling point at even the mention of her name.

She’s a miracle to me. She amazes me and leaves me speechless. My mind goes blank and I stand there unable to say anything. All I can do is stare. Yes, that could look very strange in a public place, but I can’t help it. I’m doing my best to resolve it as it could get embarrassing.

Em is visually stunning. I don’t use that word lightly. Tall, long talk hair, piercing dark glistening eyes and long dark eyelashes. She has a quality I thought only my sis did, and that’s being so attention-grabbing that she’s the first person your eyes are drawn to in a crowded place, whether you are a boy or a girl. She’s incredibly charismatic, but the hilarious thing is she doesn’t realise it and happily carries on with her madness in total ignorance of the gaze of everyone around slowly becoming fixated on her. Her clothes just look amazing on her, and she’s the kind of person who really wears what she has on. And my god does she look good in them. She’s gorgeously slim, trendy, stylish and so wonderfully natural. She’s got the holy combination of size 8/10 and 34D.

Her beauty is in her symmetry, and she’s powerfully feminine and womanly in a humble and erudite way. Every cell, hair and texture is completely in place the way it should be and I couldn’t or wouldn’t change anything about her. The curves in her body immediately make me think about the natural mystery of the Golden Ratio that has been puzzled over for 2400 years, and how skin is painted so perfectly with her warm velvet essence. Everything compliments everything else to the millimetre. Long, gorgeous legs are balanced in accomplished proportion and are silky, glossy smooth. Her smell is hypnotic, like a secret garden in the most vibrant day of spring. When her hair gently brushes across my skin its beautiful agony.

She’s just so stupidly fucking perfect it drives me mad.

I love it when she laughs as it warms up the room, and you want to laugh with her. Its addictive. But she doesn’t smile enough. When she does, its beautiful. A pair of the most luscious full red lips give way to a distinctly sparkly set of teeth aligned in military formation that pair with the whites of her eyes. It’s the most gorgeous thing ever and enough to make you melt in itself. And you know she’s watching your heart. You can literally feel her intuition tapping her on the shoulder even though she tries to hide it. And she can’t hide it, in the same way it’s impossible to hide from her.

You get a sense of someone when they’re in the room. You feel the atmosphere and absorb their effect in the air. With her you feel her compassion, her kindness and her gentleness, even when its hidden under a frightened and battle-hardened outer shell. She’s an alluring juxtaposition of random chaos and ordered sensibility; absurdly clumsy but radiantly graceful. Anger her and you will experience her formidable and fiercesome integrity and an ever-growing righteous indignation that comes straight from the heart to emerge into her sleeve. I’m overwhelmed by her potential because she could do anything. She’s so much but thinks she’s so little. She has so many hidden gifts I can see that she hasn’t even thought about yet, and nobody has probably bothered to tell her about either.

She obsesses about looking her best, and she’s scared of anyone seeing her without her make up. If only she knew that it only adds the polish. She’s the most beautiful when she doesn’t realise it. It’s the times when she’s just her. When she’s just got up and her hair is everywhere; when the water is dripping off her straight after climbing out of the shower; when she’s panting from having to run or the blood at the surface of her skin is electrified from a workout in the gym or she’s walking around with the dressing gown hanging off her shoulders and she’s ambling around swinging the belt from side to side.

I see her in a long glamorous evening dress with diamond earrings, a shining million dollar necklace and elegant handbag, smiling and charming the guests under the chandelier in a ballroom; Lying on the couch in lightweights and a hooded top on a lazy Sunday afternoon and walking over to the bed like a snake in hazy red light, at 4am in black suspenders and high heels, ready to devour.

She’s perfect to me, but she’s never perfect enough for her. I can’t see the imperfections as I’m blinded by the perfection. There are no imperfections in my eyes as everything is in place and as it should be. I’m so mesmerised and blown away by the big things to notice the small ones. But it’s the small things that make up who she is and I don’t want a mannequin. The bits she hates are the parts that make me love her, as they are hers. It confuses me because she talks about things that are invisible to me.

When she’s there, time virtually stops and nothing matters any more like she’s opium. Its madness in slow motion, an insanity that knows no limits or bounds that I cannot master or control. I can’t help myself and I can’t stop myself. I’m glued to the warmth of her body pressed next to mine and the world disappears into the room. I want to kiss her all the time and can’t stop, It’s an unstoppable, unrelenting and ruthless drive of wanting her and needing to be as close to her as I can possibly get. I’m fighting myself every second to stop myself screaming that I love her and that I’m miss her before she’s even left.

Wherever she is, there is the world itself, and where she isn’t, there is despair and desolation. She’s elegant and sublime; an irresistible carnal temptation under my skin that compels me and never resolves to calm. The way she moves in harmony with me is exquisite and artistic, ornate and profane.

Her personal chaos amuses me as she’s in her own little world of contradiction, one who tries to live by her good sense but is obligated by her heart. Its not as schizophrenic as it seems as she works in a kaleidoscopic pattern of lateral thinking and considering everything from every angle so she can empathise with everyone who matters in any given situation. I can’t hide from her intuition and it makes me lie just to find somewhere where I can take shelter so she can’t see all my faults in one go.

She knows without me having to tell her and she never gives up because she knows I’m hiding. She looks across the room to roll her eyes at my madness and eccentricity and I’m smiling at her affection as I know she loves my mischief. But she’s strong enough to tell me to shut the fuck up when almost everyone else just says yes and agrees with everything I say. I can’t argue my way through because her heart is already in conversation with mine and won’t allow it.

Any man would feel masculine within 50ft of her. She stirs an angry determined fire in my soul that makes me want to conquer the world, invade every country on earth and shout from the rooftops. I want to do it to impress her and make her smile so she marvel at my strength and feel the energy she generates in me. I want to look out into the crowd and see her as the only person there when they give me awards I fought for but never cared about. I want her to fall so deeply in love with me that I don’t know where I end and she begins. I want to dream of the romance we live in and be paralysed by the butterflies she thought she’d only ever dreamt of feeling.

And she’s so precious that the only flower you could give her would be the only orchid left in the forest. When I think of all the times she’s cried because someone’s hurt her I fall into a second of murderous rage so violent that heaven itself would tremble at if it knew how deadly I was when it came over me. But it gives way to the tidal wave of love that consumes it when I ask why I wasn’t there to hold her as close to me as I could to dry her tears and promise that it would be OK. There’s a little girl inside who ran around the house in wonder and a mother sternly telling off her children for the same wilfulness they inherited from her in the first place.

She gets sad when I’m sad, and she’s grumpy when I am. When she’s lost I want to hide her away from the world somewhere quiet and safe so I can walk out the door and start the violent rampage against all those who have ever misjudged, misunderstood or mistreated her; a wildly destructive campaign that could only be stopped by her gentle whisper. She’s mine to protect from a very big and nasty world that has never stopped to notice just how special she is and never gave her what she really needed. One that doesn’t know her real strength because she’s too compassionate to wield it against anyone.

But most of all I forgive her for the past, for now and for the future. I love her for the simple wonder of who she is and lose myself in her because of the bittersweet mystery of where we could go together. It was always her, before I met her, even throughout when I was somewhere else, and when she was in front of me. It was always her, and it will always be her no matter where she goes.

And when I looked out the window onto the late night Newcastle skyline I asked myself why I wanted it all, why I was going to take it all and what I’d do with it all once I had it. I couldn’t answer. Until I looked back and realised that behind that door lay the most beautiful girl in the world and my most favourite person on planet earth. I want it all so I can share it with her and have more times at that window where I’m grateful that I can be in that situation and have those experiences.

My new reason for being the most powerful man on earth might be so she can be beside me and see that I am, and know that she’s one of the people who got me there and is the one I turn to when I need to remind myself of the things that matter and the things that don’t. And for all the times when the world’s going about its business, I can hide away and know if they took everything away they would have taken nothing. Because she will be everything.

And if she disappeared tomorrow and it went disastrously wrong (and there’s still time for that by the way), then I will still have felt that and learnt that lesson. I had that time to look back on.

Now I’m a spiritual guy. Not religious, spiritual. My faith is very, very private and you..ll rarely hear me talk about it. There’s nothing I hate more than happy-clappy, airy-fairy dumbass religious dickheads. I hate church and you wouldn’t ever catch me near one. I have a fucking brain and I’m not naïve. I don’t care what you believe, and I don’t have interest in telling you what I believe either. It’s my way. I’ve seen what I’ve seen and learnt the lessons I’ve learnt. My truth is mine, yours is yours. We each come to it in our own way and make our own decisions about how and why we’re here.

When I need to think about things, I often pray about them very quietly away from everyone and everything, which is often when I go for a walk in nature. For me it’s a form of meditation that allows me to take a few minutes out of the hustle and bustle to focus on me, the other people who are important in my life and the bigger picture. It’s a release of stress and allowing myself to let go of my worries and have a chat to the boss as he knows a lot more about everything I’m worried about than I do.

It’s why I believe certain things are predestined and why things in my life happen for a very specific reason. People are put into my life at certain times and places to teach me lessons and allow me to grow. It’s my choice in how I react to them and to learn about myself. It’s what keeps me sane and has made the man I am, and the man I will become. I pray before every speech, every meeting and every big event, and the peace of mind it gives me is inspirational and makes very big things happen. Its why the doors I knock on are already open, and why I’ve achieved so much in so little time.

Spirituality is so important to me. Every man of money or power I’ve ever met is intensely spiritual or religious. You are permitted to be in your position when you are wise and responsible enough to handle it and you are put there for a reason. You get a knock at the door.

I rarely talk about prayer but on this occasion it’s very relevant. Emma’s very important in my life, and very valuable. She’s a mirror and a catalyst. With her I’m naked and I can’t talk or reason my way around anything. It’s all about feelings and the heart. She knows it before I do. She’s said before that she knew she should persist with me but didn’t understand why. God knows I’ve put her through enough.

My way has always been to be fierce in all I do, but in a loving way. I’m an acquired taste and a strange mix of contradictory influences. I remember being so angry with her that I wanted to fucking strangle her. I thought about it, and I prayed about it privately in amongst a whole bunch of other stuff. I knew I was being a screaming child wanting my own way. I knew it. But my heart was enraged. I whinged and I whined, and I was furious. There are a lot of people who claim prayer is about getting back in touch with your subconscious mind, and I agree with that a lot. But I also know where the answers come from for me, and there are very specific reasons why I know it’s not necessary me talking to myself. Why? Because most of the time I arrogantly disagree with the answers.

But I had 2 experiences which affected both me, and my relationship with Emma profoundly. The first was when I was whingeing like a brat, and the answer that came back was simple and bizarre.

..Just love her, Alex…

Pardon? Small words, big impact. No big explanation. What the fuck does that mean? It kept me guessing for a while. It doesn’t matter exactly where you think the answer came from, only that it arrived somehow. It changed everything, as these things seem to do. I asked myself what love is, and what it means to love someone. A surprisingly difficult question that I thought I’d answered a long time ago.

We’re not talking about romantically falling in love or Barry White style lurve, we’re talking being patient, forgiving, understanding and just loving someone in the face of your frustration. It’s a choice. It means letting go and thinking of someone else. Realising your affection and just showing the kindness and compassion they need instead of pushing your own agenda.

The Greeks called it Agape. Not romantic love. Unconditional love. No strings, no bullshit. Easy and simple to everyone else, totally alien to me.

It’s fucking difficult. I never realised how little I’d loved anyone. Family, friends or lovers. Love is a verb; it’s not a fuzzy feeling. It’s a choice and an action. It’s really fucking hard. I thought forgiveness was bad. This one was worse. I spent a lot of time working that one out, and every time I feel upset, that comes into my mind. Just love her. That what she needs more than anything.

The second was again a time I was angry with her. She doesn’t know when it was, and will never know it. Again I was whingeing, and I was hurting when I felt I shouldn’t be. I wanted to hurt her for hurting me in a knee-jerk kind of way and rampaging through Waterloo station out of the Jubilee line. It was small and silly. Again the answer arrived randomly whilst I was muttering obscenities to myself and getting myself in a real spin.

‘should you love, or punish?..

Stopped in my tracks again. What the fuck?

This time it really was out of the blue. I had no idea what that meant. It drives me mad when it happens as I’m usually in a full on rage and have to stop to think about it like an itch under my skin. Then it started to become mysteriously clear in the peace that followed. It went back to the first point. Just love her. Simple as that. No matter what she’s done or the mistakes she’s made. Just love her. Not just her, but anyone or everyone. She’s a nice start and a good model.

There’s a first time for everything.

I’ve always punished. When someone upsets me, I take my revenge savagely. I won’t be vulnerable or made to suffer. I’ve punished for every single time I’ve felt denied, vulnerable, scared or wounded. I turn in on myself and I pull my shell over me to hide. I lash out and seethe, and let my silence do the talking. Everyone else curls up into a ball; I destroy whatever is around me causing the pain.

And I didn’t even know I was doing that until that moment. I’d been doing it all my life.

I was punished for every time I was scared, upset or needing help. Every time I upset someone or inconvenienced them I was punished physically or emotionally. I was beaten, locked away, ignored or reprimanded in spite. It is a template I learned to cope. Tit for tat, eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. Vengeance at its most raw and natural. Their silence or abandonment taught me to react in the same way to things that threatened me. I looked at my father in the weeks afterward and watched him punish my nephew when he didn’t do what he wanted him to. But this time I saw it and intervened. I watched him try to punish me for stopping him. And saw him recoil in shock at the authority I held in my expression.

But I didn’t punish him back. And I didn’t punish Emma. For the first time in my life I’ve been able to see what I’m doing and stop myself. Just as forgiveness opens doors, love does too. Love in the Agape sense is a powerful thing that destroys everything it encounters that threatens or undermines it. But love is choice, where its opposite isn’t. Love is proactive, where evil is reactive. Criticise someone and their instant reaction is not to leave you alone. It’s a sweet irony that their reaction is to seek validation from you in response. Hence the game. I punish you; you come back to me for validation. Power and control once and again. The universal human weakness.

Punishment is an interesting concept. We punish children as a last resort out of love, to illustrate there are consequences to our actions and choices. We discipline so that they learn self-discipline later in life. As time goes on, we have less and less need to do either, as they take more and more responsibility for their actions. But punishment implies guilt and a debt that must be paid for something we have done wrong. Most of the people haven’t done any implicitly morally wrong, just upset me somehow or denied me what I want. Love doesn’t delight in doing evil or punish for its own reasons. Punishment has a role and is there for the ultimate good of a child or a community.

The lesson is that difference counts and is more valuable than familiarity. Emma’s profoundly different to me in a lock and key way. Some people are catalysts that bring things to the surface that others can’t, just by being who they are. I have a lot of them in my life and they are precious to me. It’s for the same reason that safety, love and trust in relationships opens Pandora’s box and the bad stuff comes out at the times you don’t expect as you’re so happy and secure. It’s a matter of context and having the maturity to make the right judgement at the right time from the right understanding. The past doesn’t matter, because it’s from today our actions count. The mistakes you made yesterday I forgive today so I can be free to love you now and tomorrow.

And you ask why I love Emma and think so much of her. It’s not because of her beauty, although that’s pretty profound in itself. It’s because I want to be a great man. And she has played her part already in making me that man, without knowing she has done anything.

And yes, I am falling for her. It’s annoying.

12
Oct

A Broadside About FUD

There are 7 (yes, 7 on this thing) of you that are pushing your luck with me right now. I don’t want to hear another word about Emma. I’m fucking serious this time. Stop it, and fucking sort it out. There’s a limit to my patience. Your messages have been deleted as she has access to my myspace and i don’t want to fucking have to deal with this asinine shit.

Fear, uncertainty, and doubt (FUD) is a sales or marketing strategy of disseminating negative (and vague) information on a competitor’s product. The term originated to describe misinformation tactics in the computer hardware industry and has since been used more broadly. FUD is a manifestation of the appeal to fear.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FUD

12
Oct

Things A Guy Would Die For

http://www.progressiveu.org/225847-44-things-a-girl-would-die-for

There are so many bulletins like this, and its about time someone did a guy version. Not too many demands then. Is there anything else you’d like for fuck’s sake? Ladies, here’s a small start for what we want in return.

  • When he’s angry, leave him the fuck alone. Let him have his space.
  • Don’t talk through the movie or TV program
  • For god’s sake don’t nag, He’ll get round to it.
  • Love him for who he is, not what he could be.
  • Sit on his lap and kiss him on the cheek
  • Talk dirty to him and whisper filth into his ear in public
  • Don’t expect the same things from him that you’d get from your girl friends.
  • Don’t get angry with him if he doesn’t reply to your text in less than 20 seconds.
  • Tell him how cool he is and why you admire him.
  • Tell him he’s handsome and sexy.
  • Fight over him.
  • Get drunk with him.
  • Tell him things directly. Don’t hint, expect him to just know or to “get the message”.
  • If something’s wrong, tell him. Otherwise he’ll assume everything is ok.
  • Tell him how you want him to listen to you, i.e. shut up and just understand how you feel.
  • Send him on missions
  • If you want him to chase you, help him to know he’ll get there in the end.
  • Make him feel strong and powerful
  • Don’t tell anyone he cried.
  • Let him take the piss out of you but shut him up with a huge kiss.
  • Don’t flirt with his friends in front of him.
  • If you want reassurance, just ask for it. Don’t play games.
  • Don’t be clingy. Be a social butterfly and make him want you.
  • Go crazy and mad and let him laugh at you.
  • Don’t talk about your ex in any other way than to explain why you hate him and he’s a dick.
  • Sit on his lap, lean over him, throw your hair in his face and kiss him crazily.
  • Tell him he’d be an amazing husband and dad.
  • Ring him when you’re drunk on a night out with friends just to tell him you miss him and wish he was there.
  • Give him time to be with his friends and don’t resent him or them for it.
  • Be a girl - the more feminine you are, the more masculine he feels
  • Tell him why you need him.
  • If you’re pissed off, don’t bottle it up again and again. Tell him straight away.
  • Let me drive and take care of the directions.
  • Accept the fact he’s going to hate your family and friends and will only tolerate them because of you.
  • Tell him who’s ass you want him to kick, but tell him not to d it as he is too strong and could kill them
  • Tell him you love him randomly.
  • Grab him and kiss him when’s talking so he shuts up.
  • Distract him when he’s concentrating by flirting or flashing so he smiles.
  • Watch porn with him.
  • Always respect his privacy by never reading his text messages and/or emails
  • Cuddle up in his arms and let him stroke your hair
  • Don’t take any shit from your friends about him
  • Write him a secret letter to read in private.
  • Only offer help if he asks for it. Otherwise you’ll make him feel incompetent.
  • Don’t fake an orgasm or lie. Just tell him you love him and want to spend time practicing to get it right.
  • Tell him he’s a king
10
Oct

Jung Typology Test (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a personality test designed to assist a person in identifying some significant personal preferences. Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers developed the Indicator during World War II, and its criteria follow from Carl Jung’s theories in his work Psychological Types.

More info:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator

Your Type is: ENTP (Extroverted | Intuitive | Thinking | Perceiving)
E 1%, I 88%, T 25%, P 22%

You are:

* slightly expressed extrovert
* very expressed intuitive personality
* moderately expressed thinking personality
* slightly expressed perceiving personality

“Clever” is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are not only funny, but incisively accurate.

ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue–both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills. They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil’s advocate. They sometimes confuse, even inadvertently hurt, those who don’t understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport.

ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. This can take the form of getting found out at “sharp practice”–ENTPs have been known to cut corners without regard to the rules if it’s expedient — or simply in the collapse of an over-ambitious juggling act. Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of “toys”–physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. They tend to tire of these quickly, however, and move on to new ones.

ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they tend to become extremely petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they tend to regard as challenges, and tackle with determin- ation.) ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. However, they do tend to be extremely genial, if not charming, when not being harassed by life in general.

In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and, initially, suddenly, with their loved ones. Some appear to be deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who’ve only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also good at acquiring friends who are as clever and entertaining as they are. Aside from those two areas, ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity, except as an audience — good, bad, or potential.

Take the test yourself here:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

03
Oct

Think Fast Quickfire 30 Second Answers

1. My ex is ….forgiven
2. I am listening to…Pretty Suicide by Eighteen Visions
3. Maybe I should…be braver and just kiss her anyway
4. I love…Emma Louisa Brown, 22, Of Scunthorpe
5. My best friend(s)…need serious psychiatric help but i love them for it
6. I don’t understand…me
7. I lost my respect for…several people who are clearly making things up
9. The meaning of my screen name is…that i’m a grumpy fucker who has hair like a parakeet
10. Love is…incredible, but not enough
11. Somewhere, someone is…conspiring
12. I will always…do everything i can
13. Forever seems like…my legacy
14. I never ever want to lose…Emma
15. When I wake up in the morning…i wonder if i had enough sleep
17. I get annoyed at…people who think it’s OK to waste my time
18. Parties are…over-rated
19. My pet(s)…are nearly dead
20. Kisses are…never long enough
21. Today I…have been very impatient
22. I really want…to hold Emma’s hand
23. I could…bring you to your knees faster than you think
24. I’m scared of…very few things
25. I promise that…i will never give up
26. I can’t live without…coffee, cigarettes and my laptop
27. My family is…utterly dysfunctional
28. Beauty is…her eyes across a pillow
29. Someday i will…be your messiah
30. Right now i’m thinking about…how i can make Emma’s weekend really amazing





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