So i’m entertaining in the Fox Club today, and ended up talking non-stop from midday to 8pm in a flow of meeting that crashed into one another, and one of our conversations yielded the most fascinating (and utterly disturbing) stories i’ve ever heard. We were discussing the sheer amount of weirdos on the net, and looking through the infamous AOL search log listings. If you haven’t seen this, read it now.

One of our guests (Rory) told us a tale about his brother’s friend who had a part-time summer job manning the CCTV at Waterloo station. Because of the all problems in the toilets with junkies, drunks and tramps, they installed cameras that looked over the cubicles so they could see what was going on in them. The camera themselves were placed subtly so they looked just over the top, but weren’t angled far enough in to reveal people’s person toilet-going experience.

So one day, he catches sight of this city-type guy in a suit, who finds his way into a cubicle. So far, so good. Nothing weird about that. But suddenly his boredom turned to horor when he saw what this guy was doing. He takes out a loaf of bread and a tub of margarine.

Ok so thats a bit weird. But nothing compared to what came next.

He then started to wipe the bread around the toilet bowl so the filth that was on the sides was served up on his “sandwich”, and started eating it in the most violently hungry way. Our supervisor friend is staring in disbelief by this point and utterly dumbfounded. But toilet-boy’s best was yet to come. He then got down on his knees and according to the limited view they had, then appeared to start licking the bowl itself clean. Yes, really.

The supervisor guy had no idea what to do. He took it to his boss, who had no idea what to do. There was a policy for junkies, but not for rich square mile bankers who have a penchant for scat in public toilets. What was more disturbing was thinking that he probably went home to his wife and kids afterwards, and kissed them goodnight.

Life imitating art? Unlikely. None of us could even think of something doing that, let alone survive watching them do it. There are some very, very, VERY strange people in this world.

Anyway, normal service is resumed. Time for some quickfire word/phrase association.

1. Cigarettes: guilty pleasure and social crutch
2. Sex: never felt like it did last weekend
3. Relationships: the most valuable thing in life, love and business
4. Your Last Ex: pure but damaged
5. Power rangers: kiddie toys and probably no1 single
(what happened to 6?)
7. Crack: intense
8. Food: inconvenient but necessary
9. President: republic
10. War: the mother of invention
11. Cars: pollution and traffic
12. Gas Prices: ridiculous insanity
13. Halloween: commercialised
14. Bon Jovi: enjoyable American cheese
15. Religion: a framework for spirituality
16. MySpace: the worst designed site on the net
17. Worst fear: missing out or failing
18. Marriage: 50 years of hell
19. Paris Hilton: irrelevant
20. Brunettes: gorgeous
21. Redheads: dramatic
22: Politics: where you betray your principles for your interests
23: Pass the time: listen to music and write about life
24. One night stands: pointless and sterile
25: Mobile Phone: remote control for your life
26: Pet Peeves: impoliteness
27: Pixie Stix: no idea
28: Vanilla Ice: quiff
29: Berets: should stay in France
30: School: inefficient and ineffective
31. Pijamas: stupid on men, gorgeous on girls
32. Wood: fire
33. Wet Socks: long winter walks
34. Pictures: captured moments and memories
35. Your first love: big eyes and beautiful eyelashes