I originally wrote this for Emma, as a guide to learning the basics of business when going about getting web design contracts. But it soon became apparent that there are a whole load of people who could benefit from what’s inside. We’ve talked about the Jedi mentality, and how you know whether the business you want to start will actually make any money. This time we’re going to talk about how you do business day to day, the art of getting new business.

Marce is offering consultancy and web development, Piers is looking at building a real estate technology, Shaun is selling design services, Beth is starting her image consultancy company, my mum has just started running her telemarketing business, Lisa is offering professional massage, Andy is looking for the big idea, Virgilio is working out how to get things off the ground in the right direction..

I could go on. In short, business is a strange thing with its own etiquette, the thought of which intimidates people as they worry about not having the right experience or not knowing what to do. Maybe you just came out of college or university and are just getting in the world. Maybe you’re starting your own business. Maybe you want to go up the ladder at work and need to impress everyone with a bunch of new clients. Its all the same and you’ll have to learn it at some point.

The fact that I’m some kind of businessman now is hilarious, especially to all the people that have known me since way back when. I was thrown out of every class in school, truant all the way through college and never bothered with university. I have a criminal record as long as your arm, a list of transgressions against my own community and am a ridiculous mess on the best of days.

Andy once told everyone in front of me that what he most admired about me was my alleged ability to each myself an entire degree in a subject very quickly. I don’t have an MBA, never went on any formal training scheme or was an apprentice. I hated working for someone else. I still hate offices, rules and stuffy companies that are more like classrooms than money-making enterprises.

I taught myself everything I know now, from scratch. They say the art of good business is being a good middleman. And if the feedback is anything to go by, I’m pretty fucking good businessman. Ruthless apparently, charismatic too. Passionate. A visionary. An amazing (no, not my words), unbelievably nice guy (also not my words), with a surprising and unexpected evil streak.

Whatever.

I meet a lot of people, and I know a lot of people. I spend hours in meetings and conversations in places all over the country and the world. I have the ear of some of the most powerful executives in the media industry and have brokered deals worth hundreds of millions of pounds. I’ve made a lot of people very rich and also ruined quite a few others. I’m referred to in the press regularly as a respected author, public speaker and as one of the great visionary minds of my generation.

If you read that as arrogance, you’re making a very serious mistake. Look at it again. It’s referencing historical facts and expressing credibility. You have to know the difference between someone who understands their value and knows how to sell themselves, and arrogant fools who think they are capable of more than they are. Watch an investor talk and you will see. The difference between people who are profoundly successful and those who aren’t is their strength of will and their ability to sell their own value and/or worth. Its not pride. It’s a mechanical gesture to explain you have the necessary faculties and experience.

Your charming self-deprecation and inferiority complex might help people feel comfortable around you at the self-help group, but it won’t get you anywhere in the commercial world. Your confidence gives others confidence in you and helps them feel reassured you are competent. Nobody is interested in whether you are a nice person. They want to know you can get the job done, and most of the time that means kicking ass, upsetting people and being a real shithead. Harden up, know your worth and wield it like a weapon.

You learn quickly through making a lot of mistakes, and seeing the mistakes other people make. You quickly spot the good from the bad, and you imitate the former and avoid the latter.

It takes time to learn the ropes and get used to doing business. Once you come out of university with your fancy degree and letters after your name, you think you know it all and end up getting ripped to pieces in the corporate hamster wheel. Nobody teaches what you really need to know, and so many people just spend years walking around in circles wondering what to do next and how to act.

And there aren’t any books which teach this for some reason. Its taken for granted and expected to be learned along the way.

But it’s all incredibly easy. You pick up the routines from doing it over and over again. In business everything is a model and/or a formula. There are rules and guidelines and you just have to learn them. When you see people doing amazingly well, you ask them what their secret is, and then you do the same. But the most important art is harnessing your natural instincts, as good instincts make the difference between an office monkey and a billionaire. You can have every qualification, suit and buzzword in the book, but without instinct you are dead.

So we’re going to use web design as an example, as its something a lot of people do and make good money from. Any business follows the same principles, so you just get that structure and apply it to what you are doing. You are there to get customers, sell them something you’ve made or do something for them, and then receive a load of money from them in return. My own secret is that I know a fuck of a lot of people, I know where I want to get to and I’m an utter bastard who doesn’t like having his time wasted or being manipulated.

This is the structure of a basic business deal in real life. Forget stupid self-improvement books or industry manuals about the world’s best salesman with their theoretical bullshit. This is the cycle you follow for each one, again and again. Over and over. This is the Cameron way of doing things, and not in any fucking textbook.

Remember one thing always. You are after the contract. You’re not there for a nice chit chat to get to know them better. You have a solid purpose, and you’re there to collect something.

1. Research your target.
   Find people who might want to be your customers or make sure they know about you. Check out their websites, ask around and find out what makes them tick.
2. Open the discussion.
   Approach them in a polite and credible way, explain who you are and why they might want to talk to you. Make them curious.
3. Sell it and seduce them.
   Tease, excite, scare, batter, convince, interest them. Reel them in, push their buttons, tighten their thumbscrews, do whatever you have to do until they are powerless to resist you.
4. Negotiate the terms of the deal.
   Haggle. Offer more than they expected, take more than they expected and turn the deal into something much bigger and longer term. Under promise so you can over deliver.
5. Get them to sign the contract.
   Close the deal. Put the paper in front of them and get them to commit in writing to buying.
6. Deliver it to them early.
   Work your ass off and give them something amazing they will tell everyone about, and you can show to the next customer. Make sure they come back.

Rinse and repeat. Ten times a day. Every day for a week, then a month, then a year. You’ll still be doing it after 20 years for the 56,000th company you want business from. We’ve been doing it for millennia. It’s built into your blood. You already know it. It doesn’t matter what business it is, you do the same thing each time, over and over again. It’s the biz dev cycle.

It’s amazing how many people are totally clueless about something so simple.

All those years you convinced yourself it was an impossible wall to climb. All you have to do is get through those stages with each potential customer. Follow from 1 to 6, one after another. It’s the same, every time. Learn the steps, and you learn business. The only problem was that no-one told you what to do, and you never got round to reading that boring theory book.

You’re approaching them because you want them to buy from you, not just to fanny around and have a nice conversation while the clock ticks. You’re going for the contract. Its all about closing it off and moving to the next guy to empty his wallet. So many scared and anxious nicey nice people just faff around feeling awkward about asking people for their business or having no idea of why they’re doing what they are doing, or what they want from the situation.

You want their signed contract. Simple as that. No possibility of a contract? Then shelve it to review later or trash it and move on. All very simple again.

Let walk through it as a web designer.

1. You hear that someone wants a website, or approach one who might. You check up on them, see if they’re credible, work out how to push their buttons and create a pitch for them. Be one step ahead.
2. Get an introduction from someone they respect and trust, or politely approach one of their senior management with a position to make it happen. Listen to what they need and fit in to their situation perfectly. Be a new best friend. Ask them to invite you in writing to provide them with a proposal and quote.
3. Tell them what they want to hear, and give them what they want. Explain why you are perfect for them, and different to them. Promise them, pitch to them, offer them great prices, sell them dreams and be there for their every concern. Smooth any worries, keep in contact, buy them drinks, make friends with them and bring them sunshine every time you speak to them. Write down what they want and send it back to them as a proposal. Show them a demo or some ideas. Tick the list of boxes and break down each obstacle they put up in front of you. Wait for everyone in their company to agree internally. Give them a cut off time and date to answer you before your offer ends and you will move on to another customer. Get a yes, or shelve it.
4. Provide them with terms of business that spell out everything, and the framework you operate in. Get a deposit and argue for the best situation that will bring you the most money and benefits. Use your instinct. Think of all the things that could go wrong and explain the shit you won’t take and the things you are flexible on. Write the rules and be tough as hell. They won’t like you for it, but they’ll respect you. They’re already sold anyway. Don’t take any shit.
5. Put a contract in front of them for them to review with their lawyer, and then get it signed. Give them another time limit. This is what its all been for. You’re done. The deal’s closed. You’re home free. They owe you a deposit according to your terms, and you are free to spend time on it as paid work.
6. Make it, and always stick to your terms and as every project goes wrong. If something looks suspect, trust your instincts. If they don’t pay up on time, give them 5 business days warning, then show no mercy and automatically send the account to a debt collection agency.

We use the word “deal” a lot to say people are wheeler-dealers and dealmakers like its some strange natural talent people were born with. A business deal is just trading something of value you have for something else of value that someone else has. Its an art rather than a science as no two situations are the same. Fundamentally you put two people together and profit from doing so. Business is rarely done on a island, as everyone is a middleman to everyone else somehow.

Businesses are groups of people. You have meetings with people, people buy your products and services and people pay you. Machines and paperwork can’t talk. Being good at business is about being a good people person: knowing when to kick ass, when to be kind, when to strike, when someone is withholding something and so much more. Learn to deal with people

Never, ever be late
A cardinal sin. Arrive 5-10 minutes before your meeting. You can tell a lot about a person and how competent they are by the attitude they have to your time, and their own. If you are going to be late, always call, apologise, say you are embarrassed and offer a gesture to say sorry.

Always be smart
You don’t need to wear suit, just be smart. Casual clothes are fine, but first impressions count so make sure you are neat and well presented. No mini-skirts, Bermuda shorts or tasteless ties.

Always be polite, well spoken and well mannered
Improve your vocabulary, speak slowly and clearly and make sure your manners are in check. There is no excuse for not being dignified and polite. Don’t shovel food in your food. Be erudite and elegant. Take classes if you have to.

Be literate and numerate
Always use a spell checker on all of your communications. Get your times tables in check. Nobody is saying you need to be a poet or scientist, just that you know how to add up and write a letter without using text message language.

Always have good personal hygiene
There is absolutely no excuse for this sin. 7 out of 10 executives have foul-smelling halitosis and it’s absolutely disgusting. Check your nails, always shower, use deodorant and antiperspirant, check your nails and wear clean clothes.

Always carry a notepad and calculator
People see you taking notes and being prepared as a sign of competence, organisation and intelligence, and vice versa. Carry them to every meeting and for every phone call.

Know what you can do that other people can’t
You need to be different and have skills no-one else can. You need an “angle” or “take” on things that no-one else can supply. There needs to be a reason to deal with you over the next guy, and it doesn’t need to be complicated at all. Emphasise it whenever you can.

Money talks, bullshit walks
Money is power, and its what business is all about. Money decides whether your plan is going to fly or its going to fade away like hot air. Nobody will give you the time of day if they don’t think you have the money to do what you say you’re going to.

Always respect confidentiality
Never ever tell a customer’s secret to another customer, as it will tell them immediately you are not to be trusted and will do the same to then. In fact, never tell anyone anything about anyone else. If a competitor knows your move, you lose the fight.

Have a laugh, but know when to be serious
Humour helps build rapport, loosen tense atmosphere and shows you are human. There are times to enjoy a bit of light-hearted banter, but there are times to be deadly serious. Never appear to be flippant. Appreciate someone’s seriousness and use your instincts.

Always appear to be very busy
This is pathetic political trick corporate idiots play all the time, but its human nature and works well. Always have to fit people into your calendar and make it known how busy you are. Being busy implies you are in demand and very successful.

Always be available
Immediately reply to emails and pick up the phone within 3 rings. Your customer must be able to get what they want, whenever they want it, and by and large that means they want you. Set up all your communications equipment to gratify their desires. Get back to them immediately so they feel important.

Don’t take things personally or attack people personally
Business is a very nasty and cruel business where you will suffer as many knocks as successes. Its important never to attack someone personally about anything, such as their personal taste in clothing, intelligence competence or abilities. Likewise, let the immaturity of others wash over you. Get over it.

Figure out the timewasters and bullshitters
There will be hundreds of these people knocking on your door. They will drain your time, distract you from the really clients and lead you up the garden path. A lot will be talking about something that will never happen or succeed. Use your instincts to work who is actually credible and be ruthless with the others.

Approach from the top down
The simplest way to get taken seriously is to introduce yourself to the CEO or MD. They won’t have time to deal with you, so will pass the details to someone below them. Because it came from the boss, they are reporting to him and will take you very seriously. Give it to a grunt or a monkey and people will just ignore them.

Work out a pitch in advance and rehearse it
Everyone has different requirements, concerns, threats and things that influence their decisions. You can’t just walk in, talk ad lib and hope for the best. Research them, understand them, get in their skin and put it together into a slide show. Rehearse it in front of 5-10 people at a time to get it right.

Name drop whenever you can
Customers like hearing that they are not the only one you are dealing with or know. If you know someone they do, they know they can get a reference and feel more at ease. Often the people you know will impress them enough to buy straight away. Don’t over-do it though, for obvious reasons.

Know hotels and private clubs to meet in
If you don’t have an office to invite a customer to, the next best thing is to meet in a nice hotel or private club. Even Starbucks will do. Just make sure its respectable, quiet, smart and business-like. Businesspeople are always travelling so these places are like second homes to them.

The sales process takes ages
Getting someone to actually buying something after showing interest in what you have is called converting them, or turnaround. It takes 10 times as long as you think it will and is very, very frustrating. A lot of company’s sales cycles are 12-18 months. That’s a long time to go without getting the business.

Always trust your gut instinct
Instincts can’t be taught, and don’t fit into business rules. Always go with your gut instinct. If something’s not right, act to stop it or withdraw. If is a reasonable risk, take it. Intuition and instinct make the difference between greatness and irrelevance.

Never take project fees
They are a con. The idea is you do a whole bunch of work for someone that takes ages, but only get paid at the end. If you actually get paid. Firstly, it messes up your cash flow, and secondly, the project will never end. It will take longer than you think ti will, there will be hundreds of changes and no-one wants to pay you on time. Get paid regularly.

Always get a deposit
If you want to see if someone’s serious, ask for a lump of cash (10-50% of your fee) to demonstrate their seriousness. It will show them you are very serious about what you and are hard-nosed. Money talks. If they don’t want to do that, shelve them and move on.

Don’t take any shit
Ever. Remember that its not personal. They won’t like you for it, but they will respect you. If they see you roll over, they’ll know they can get away with it again and just keep doing it. Strike out at the first sign of any problem, even if they are bigger than you.

Speak their lingo
Different types of businesspeople refer to things in different ways. Accountants talk about debits and credits, and investors talk about risk and reward. Listen to them and observe them. You wouldn’t turn up in rural Pakistan and expect them to speak fluent English.

Avoid buzzwords
They are sickening. They are vague, ridiculous and make you look like you can’t think for yourself or be bothered to communicate properly. Make it easy for people to understand what you saying by thinking about the simplest way to explain things.

For god’s sake just shut up and listen
99% of winning a client’s business is just acknowledging them, They don’t usually want you interrupting them or talking over them. They already have an idea of what they want, so guide them through the process in a passive way.

Imagine a little person on your shoulder saying “so what?”
This is the way IBM teach their execs to pitch when they are seeing customers, and it’s a great technique to help you sell something to someone. Every time you make a claim or tell them how wonderful it is, illustrate what the implications for them about how they save time, save money, can do wonderful things and how you are the best thing that’s ever happened to them.

Never apologise, justify or explain yourself
A lot of bullying goes on in business, some of it subtle and some of it overt. People will drag information out of you, interrogate you or make you feel like you have to go into massive amounts of detail to explain. Resist it. Be polite, but stay strong with your silence or admission that you don’t know an answer.

Talk fluently and calmly
You are not in a job interview being questioned. Speak calmly and in a relaxed way that makes you fit in with the other person. Don’t clam up, freeze or be nervous. Practice what you want to say and structure the topics you want to bring up in advance.

Help people to visualise
This is so crucial ir can’t overstated. Talking about something means you see it in your mind, whereas the other guy has to imagine. Use diagrams, photos, illustrations, models, demos, software or anything else to help them see it in front of them. When the penny drops, you strike.

You need to be telepathic
A lot of customers are dreadful at describing what they want or need. Half the time they aren’t asking the question you think they are, so you need to read between the lines. They have something in their mind, so you need to figure out what they see in their head and then have to create it in front of them.

There is always a shithead
Every time you meet a group of execs, there will be a power structure within their little team. The guy with the money will probably be quiet, another will love you, but there will always be an idiot with an inferiority complex who is out to impress the boss. They will put you down, rubbish your claims, tell you why nothing will work and how they can better elsewhere. Learn how to deal with them.

People associate price with quality and value
The first thing you will want to do is undercut someone else in the belief your potential customer will go with the cheapest price. But it doesn’t always work this way at all. Expensive means a Rolex, cheap means a crap plastic watch from a market stall. The same works for what you sell.

People do business with friends, not strangers
Businesses are made up of people, and all things being equal, we will always go to friends for things before strangers. Networking is the art of making business friends who can turn to you if they need something done, and vice versa. Your aim is to make as many friends in as many places as possible, and then get introduced to thei friends.

Their ideas will be crap, but just give them what they want
If they could do it themselves, they wouldn’t be coming to you. Don’t be precious about them thinking they can join in too, as its just part of the process. Your customer’s interfering or suggestions will almost certainly be crap and make you shudder and cringe. Just shut up and remember the most important rule: give them what they want, even if it is crap in your eyes.

You will never get paid on time
Nobody ever pays up properly, ever. If you say 30 days on your invoice, you’ll get part of your money in around 45-60 days. Its important to be on top of this and to be very, very strict. Use debt collectors if you have to, early on.

Nobody pays what’s on the price tag
Well ok, on the high street they do. In business, everything is negotiable. Sometimes you pay in cash, sometimes in shares, man hours, barter or kind. There is a difference between the public price and the cost to you as someone’s customer, and it will work the same for your own customers. Price things so you can give them a special discount.

Its not about who you know, its who they know
Networking makes people cringe, but it is the lifeblood of business and the mechanism that keeps its wheels turning. Its not about your immediate contacts, but the people that they know and can introduce you to. And then even their friend’s friends. Your entire world should be built on your network, so invest time on it.

They will always try to take the piss
Its human nature. Everyone you deal with will try to exploit you and get something out of you. Sometimes you can allow it and get something in return, but mostly you have to be tough as hell. Don’t let them get away with anything and deal with problems very harshly from the beginning so they don’t happen again.

Projects always go wrong and never finish on time
It’s an open secret that nobody dare speak about, but no project is ever delivered on time, for the allocated amount of money, to the proper quality. It’s a nightmare. Never ever plan anything with the assumption it go perfectly. Always assume the worst and think of all that could wrong.

Limit what you give away for free
You could stand on the street corner selling £10 notes for £9 all day long. You’re in it to make money, so know your value and your price. You can get thousands or customers who will take what you have for free. Freebies can be nice incentives or gifts, but that’s all they are. A lot of people don’t trust a free lunch and see you as weak and foolish for it. You want their money, so practice saying no and not feeling guilty about it, as no-one else would.

No means “not now”
Getting a customer is a lot harder than anyone thinks, and keeping them is even worse. It means getting rejected, and at first you take it very personally. Often its about being in the right place at the right time, which is where your network helps. Expect to be turned down 5 times by each customer before they buy, as it’s a good benchmark.

Documents
There are a tonne of different documents you need to have to work in business. Most of the time they are created for individual situations by a lawyer and designed to lock thing sin so tightly that nothing can get out of control. But there are some you need to have as standard for dealing with anyone: You need to know what they are and have your own copy to offer someone. Having it there makes it look like you’ve done it before and are very competent and organised.

You don’t have to pay a lawyer to write them for you. Ask someone you know for their copy, and change the details accordingly. If it’s a big deal, you need it looked at by a solicitor anyway.

Your customer will probably want to put these through a legal team, and any payments will need to be signed off by the money guy and boss. Your invoice will be sitting in a tray somewhere or on someone’s desk, underneath a bunch of others. They pay the one they can delay the most, last.

• Non-disclosure agreement (NDA)
  This is a gagging order, and you sign it together with your customer. Neither of you can talk to anyone else about the contents of your discussion for a few years. Its useless and unenforceable, so a gesture really.
• Request for proposal/quotation (RFP/RFQ)
  When a customer tells the world they need something, they put it “out to tender” and invite several rival companies to bid for the business. They will “raise” an RFP which tells you what you’re bidding for. You answer it with a proposal with a few other potential suppliers.
• Sales invoice
  This is pretty simple, it’s a bill you give to your customer they have to pay within a certain amount time, like the phone or gas bill you get. If you issue it before you have done the work, its called a “pro-forma” invoice.
• Introducer’s agreement
  If you’re a good middleman, you’ll be putting lots of people together with each other who will spend and make a lot of money together. You make them sign this, as without you they wouldn’t have the relationship to make the money from. You get a % cut of the money made or spent for a period of time.
• Terms & conditions of business (Terms, T&Cs)
  This is very specific to you and can’t really be borrowed from anyone other than a competitor or someone who does something similar to you. Your customer has to sign it before you supply them, and it contains your rules they must agree to for when they inevitably try and take the piss.

Lastly, we need a few notes about presentations and meetings. When you’re not in the office, you’re going to be doing one of these 2 things. Both again are structured and repetitive, but most people fall into the corporate malaise that makes almost every example dreadful. Don’t do what other people do. Build your own structure that’s better.

Presentations/pitches
You’ll do this to impress the boss or pitch a client. Usually you put together a few slides in Microsoft PowerPoint and walk people through it, following up with some extra information afterwards. The important thing to remember is that people respond to other human beings, not slides. It needs to be very well rehearsed.

General pointers:

• Rehearse, rehearse and rehearse again. Then rehearse again.
• Tell them what you are going to tell them. Then tell them, then tell them what you just told them.
• Totally customise your pitch to the customer. Never use a “vanilla” presentation. Always emphasise why your experience is perfect for them.
• Only give our PowerPoint slideshows and paper hand-outs afterwards.
• Never, ever, ever read text off PowerPoint slides to your customer
• 10 slides or diagrams with headlines to elaborate on.
• Maintain confident body language (no hunching or slouching) and talk slowly and clearly
• Never assume someone understands if they are silent.
• Use examples of previous clients and competitors so it drives them to be part of the herd.
• No-one can remember more than 3 points.
• Make it exciting, interesting and help them visualise with diagrams and demos.
• Tell a story – use the Hollywood 3 act structure which involves problem, complication and resolution.
• Always remember to conclude with suggestions for the next steps the customer can take.

Meetings
These are unbelievably boring and usually pointless. You should never have to have a meeting. If you do, you should do it standing up or walking, as these things are an invitation to waste time when you could be doing something far more productive. The usual thing is people wander in at different times, often late, faff around getting prepared and pouring coffee, and then once they gone over the points they want to cover, go back over them again to remind and reassure themselves.

In fact, a lot of people do meetings just to say they’ve been busy “in meetings” in the hope the people they tell will think they are big and clever.

Not taking many meetings sends out a message that your time is precious and you are more organised than the average person. Everyone else will want them, so get used to saying no. The usual duration is an hour, in which the most important things are brought up in the last 2 minutes. The biggest mistake novices make is going to as many as possible with almost anyone, for no apparent reason or tangible benefit afterwards.

If you absolutely have to have a meeting, follow these rules.

• Don’t have a meeting for the sake it, have a very specific reason.
• If you don’t have a specific reason to be there in person, then it’s a social and/or personal thing, and its for after hours or the weekend.
• Do a phone call first to see if you can get things done that way before travelling or booking things into your diary.
• Always have a list of things to discuss and points to talk about. This is your agenda.
• Request that all the attendees arrive 10 minutes before so you can all get a drink and lay your notebooks out.
• Allocate time blocks of 15 or 30 minutes for meetings (not an hour) and stick to them religiously. The meeting begins at 1 sec in, not 10 minutes after everyone has a cup of tea and a biscuit in front of them.
• Make sure you take notes all the way through. Notes are called “minutes” of the meeting.
• Aim to finish as soon as possible rather than stringing it out. Once you’ve covered all your points, end it there without any more waffling on.
• If you say you will need 5 minutes, your meeting stops at 4 minutes 40 seconds in.
• If you are booked at the end of the afternoon or on a Friday, you’re not very important to them.
• At the end of the meeting, decide what the next steps are. These are your “actions”.
• End by “wrapping up” and recounting the next steps.