Its official. Me and Em are now boyfriend and girlfriend, and are stupidly in love with each other. Apparently we were beforehand, but i only found out last night. I probably need to do a bigger update than this as a lot has gone on in the last few weeks. I talk about the lost art of conversation, and one of the things i love about me and her is that there is no shortage of it. A lover is a best friend with benefits they say. And Em is pretty much my best friend.

Other types get angry, argue and scream at each other on a regular basis. Don’t get me wrong, we’re already at that. But we go that extra mile and get a bit more creative. If you are me and Em, you deliberately design 24hrs where you get it all out of your system in the most extreme way. If either of us have a jealous, psychotic or possessive moment, we have a week-long period where we agree to allow each other to go completely, utterly mental - deliberately. Not slightly mental, but the most extreme you can think of. Carving knives, bunnie rabbits, 3am calls - the whole thing. If you’re going to do it, you might as well go the whole way and go out in style. And its a mutual thing that you both get to do equally.

So it stands to reason that you could easily extend it to other things too. A little tension can build up as the days and weeks go on, so why not really go crazy for a day and get it all out? Seems like a more healthy way to do it than just screaming and shouting. I’ve never heard of anyone doing it before, so not sure if we should claim a first with it. At the very least you have some very interesting over-dinner stories

If you and your other half don’t get the chance to talk like this, then you’re missing out. Its every day chat for us. We have a thousand of these absurd ideas, so if you can’t get me on MSN, you know what i’m doing.

Curious? Enjoy.

Alex: i think we are in a moron competition here
Alex: thats another day thing for us to do - 24hrs of who can be the bigger prick
Alex: 9am - you piss in my shampoo
Emma: haha
Emma: lol!!!
Alex: 9.29am - i tell you f**k off
Emma: 9:36am i put cigarette burn in the backs of all your trousers and jeans
Alex: ok that would be f**king irritating
Emma: it would be war. dont do this alex
Alex: 10.13am - i break the heels off all your shoes
Emma: lol!!!
Alex: 24hrs of war baby
Emma: 10:17am - i chop the toes of all your shoes
Alex: thats the way to get it all out constructively
Alex: 10.47am - i call all your friends in your mobile address book and scream down the phoine for no reason (including your boss)
Emma: 11:00am - I text all the people in your phone book to tell them you are dying and have 1 day left to live. then i throw your mobile in the bath
Alex: wow
Alex: you utter c**t!
Emma: thank you
Alex: 11.06am - i piss on your bed sheets
Alex: you’re welcome
Emma: “our” bed sheets
Emma: ner ner
Alex: ahaa
Alex: ok
Emma: never piss your own bed alex
Alex: 11.07am - realising its our bed, i go over to your cupboard and piss in it
Emma: 11:10am. i go over to your laptop, and puke on it
Alex: 11.36am - consumed with rage, i make a 30ft sign saying “emma is a twat” and put it on the side of the road
Emma: 11:40am - consumed with amusement, i make a 40ft sign saying “alex pisses the bed” and wack you on the head with it
Alex: 12.01am - i chat up a good looking girl in front of you
Alex: its war baby
Emma: right
Emma: this IS war
Emma: 12:05 (see i waste no time when it comes to jealousy tactics) - i stroll over to a gorgeous guy and give him my number, and have a quick feel of his bum as he leaves me
Alex: shit this is getting bad
Emma: you mentioned “chat up another girl”
Emma: so its bad
Emma: ever wanna piss me off?
Alex: 12.15 maddened with jealousy i stick pictures of all my ex-girlfriends over the wall with their vital measurements
Emma: do that
Emma: 12:18 - i rip them down and burn them on your lap top, and then write a list of what i loved about my ex boyfriends bodies
Alex: oh god
Alex: 12.56 after a few tears and angry punches, i call your family and friends and tell how much they piss you off
Alex: ahaa losing momentum are we?
Alex: i win
Emma: 12:59 - after beating you round the head with your vandalised shoe, i throw tippex in your face
Emma: you do not f**king win
Emma: never
Alex: thats my girl
Emma:
Alex: 13.10 - i put all your stuff in a pile in the back garden, pour petrol all over it and set fire to the bastards
Emma: 13:15 - i throw you on the fire
Alex: 13.16 - i get off it f**king quickly
Emma: lol!
Alex: WAR!
Alex: who are you talking to eh? tell them to fuck off
Emma: 13:17 - I throw your puked on lap top in the fire
Emma: i’m only talking to you
Alex: see by lunchtime we’d be all warred out
Emma: like f**k we would
Alex: we have 20 more hours to go
Emma: yes we do
Alex: you’d lose
Emma: id win
Alex: i am a horrid boy

I really wish i could add the rest, but unfortunately its x-rated.