Archive for June, 2007

28
Jun

the black arts: bypassing web controls

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Black Arts, Business, Jedi Skills, Life and Wisdom

IT departments are party poopers. Nerds with control freak tendencies working for corporate misers wanting to ruin everyone’s fun and stop them talking to friends and slacking off in office hours. Its time someone redressed the balance in favour of the good guys. If you’re a bit technical like myself, you know very well how to get round all the annoying barriers they put in. I enforce blocking on this site and many other places for a few specific people who aren’t allowed access to my life.

To get round any of it, you need to have a basic understanding of how web censorship and control works. Either that or give one of the IT nerds a covert blowjob in the server room.

When you’re using a Windows-based computer in an office, the username and password you log into it with are generally controlled by a central server, and you are part of a network domain. The central computer stores all your settings, details and privileges, so you can log into any PC anywhere and get all the information you need. If you’re working at home, you often have to set up a VPN tunnel that lets you have secure access to the office network over the public internet.

In the office, your internet browsing is usually through Internet Explorer, and your mail through Outlook. The latter also is a system retrieving email stored centrally in an Exchange server, so the mail, calendar, task etc themselves are never on your PC. Whatever you do in Outlook is accessible to IT personnel and management in the server room. Moral? Don’t do anything in Outlook you wouldn’t spray on the office wall with paint. Internet Explorer is tied into Windows so intimately that everything you do in it is tied to your network username and password. 2nd moral? Don’t do anything in IE you wouldn’t pass round to everyone on A4 paper.

Any computer you use to access the internet gets an identifying number when it connects onto the Internet itself, called an IP address which is a set of numbers separated by dots (e.g. 192.168.0.1). Every computer has one - every website, every email server, even mobile phones. Whatever you do on the net involves a transaction where your computer identifies itself to another one by giving it its IP address. A web address (like www.example.com) is simply an easy to remember name that corresponds to the IP address of a computer somewhere on the network. Its also called a domain name, or a host name.

All web browsing software (like Internet Explorer, Firefox, Safari, Opera etc) has to describe and identify itself to any website it visits, and is known as a “user agent“, so anyone you communicate with can easily find out what software you’re using to look at sites on the web. For example, Internet Explorer’s user agent string looks like “Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows NT 5.0)“. When you build websites you can test for what software someone is using and send them pages that are specifically designed to work perfectly on their computer.

Information sent over an office computer network and/or the public internet is known as network traffic, and it comes in many different flavours according to what software is sending and/or receiving it through any one of up to 100,000 specific ports. The flow of traffic is policed by specialist computer equipment like firewalls, switches and routers that have rules about what can go these ports where, and when. These machines have many weaknesses, and the 2 biggest issues for them is that they must always allow websites (through ports 80 and 443, although they will also allow more, like 25/110 for email), and they can’t look inside encrypted traffic to see what it is, and so usually allow it to go through without question. Many of these tricks are used legitimately by software developers to get their products to work inside restrictive computer networks.

So the sassy amongst us would have realised that the quickest way to get round the nerds’ little rules are to a) use non-standard software, b) run things through ports 80/443, and c) to encrypt the traffic. But we also have another trick up our sleeves if that doesn’t work, which we’ll look at later. But also as we’ll find out, doing this is a game of cat and mouse with the party-pooping nerds downstairs in the IT room.

Right, let the war begin.

How to use MSN Messenger (or other IM) if it’s banned
Use a web-based IM client on a website to send and receive messages, such as MSN Web Messenger, eBuddy, or the fantastic Meebo. MSN is recognised and blocked according to the ports it uses and the type of traffic it sends and receives. Because web-based messengers are just web pages running through port 80/443, there is no way for the network to understand what you are doing, although they will eventually block the web address of the messaging site, at which point you move to another one.

How to browse websites your IT department has blocked access to
For this, we use a very simple but powerful tool, called a proxy server. The IT department bans websites according to their host address (e.g. myspace.com) or their IP address, so when you try to visit them your request is intercepted and stopped. A proxy server is a computer that goes and fetches the website for you on your behalf. All your web browsing records end at the proxy server, so its impossible to see what you are looking at - all it looks like is that you are making requests to the same place, when you’re looking all over the net. Proxies also conceal your IP address from the destination website, so it can’t identify anything about you in any way, like your browser software, IP address or physical location. There are thousands of free and open proxies all over the net (google for “free public proxy”) that anyone can use. If you need to log into a website like Hotmail, MySpace or Facebook, you will need a CGI proxy that can handle it.

Avoiding web tracking by your IT department
First off, don’t use Internet Explorer. Use another browser that can run without being installed like Firefox, Opera or Mozilla. Most of these also allow you to change the user-agent identification so you can visit websites that try banning you according to the software you use to view them. The content of any web page you visit can be intercepted and stored, including your hotmail or gmail pages. So always use an email service that is done over a secure page like what you would find if you were typing in credit card details to buy something (look for the padlock). The transmission is encrypted and can’t be intercepted and recreated. Use a USB thumb and/or keyring drive to transfer files to and from the computer.

Hiding web browser software when the boss comes round
Lots of software programs have a “boss mode” where all colours and animation are stripped out to make them black and white. The king of cheeky web software is the amazing Ghostzilla. This genius software cloaks itself inside any software program on your screen at that moment, and disappears to become invisible in seconds when you need it to. So if you’re working in Excel, Ghostzilla lets you look at websites from within your spreadsheet. Very cool.

Checking your web-based email (Hotmail, Yahoo, Gmail etc) when its banned
The simplest way for IT departments to ban web email services is to check for the web address you type in (e.g. hotmail.co.uk) and kill it before you get to see the site on your PC. Thankfully, most of these services offer alternative ways to look inside your email that don’t involve going to their websites. The most common is POP3 mailbox access, which is the standard way for email to be delivered and stored. Once you’ve set up your Hotmail, Yahoo or Gmail to enable POP3, you can use a service like Mail2Web or NetVibes to look through your mail until your heart’s content.

Running programs when you don’t have admin rights on the PC
When you install a windows program through a setup file, it will make changes to sensitive parts of your computer like the registry, the “Program Files” directory and the “Application Data” folder. Windows PCs know what you are allowed to do and what you’re not, so as soon as they detect access to one of these sensitive areas, a warning message is triggered and the installation you are trying to do is blocked, complete with a message telling you that you need admin rights on either the whole network and/or the specific machine to carry on. The way around this is to use software than can operate in “standalone” mode that doesn’t need to be installed. Generally you copy and paste a new folder onto your desktop with all the files the program needs in it.

Getting hold of passwords others tap in on your computer
Now this one is very easy and an ethical grey area. Calling someone up and getting them to give you their password over the phone is known in hacking circles as “social engineering“. The other techie way is network traffic snooping, which is more complex. But the ultimately and simplest way is to use a keylogger, which records every keystroke made on a computer keyboard into a log file, recreates conversations like messaging and emails it to you on a schedule you set. These invisible programs are spyware and picked up easily by anti-virus programs, so they must be run as standalone software immediately before the target uses the computer, and turned off after they leave.

Downloading from P2P networks when they’re banned
P2P downloading through software like BitTorrent, Limewire, eMule and Soulseek, is almost universally banned across all office networks for very legitimate and reasonable grounds - they eat up the internet connection, are riddled with viruses and leave companies open to being prosecuted for copyright infringement. They are detected by IT departments and ISPs by the ports they use and what their traffic characteristics look like, and the ongoing battle is disguising those things from detection. First off, use a standalone program that doesn’t need to be installed. Secondly, go through the options and set it to send traffic through the web ports (80/443) and lastly, set the software to encrypt that traffic so it can’t be characterised. Transfer files to free online storage websites, FTP sites or use a USB drive.

Tor: The nuclear option if you’re up against oppressive governments
If you’re dealing with slightly Stalinist-leaning organisations that would throw you in prison for exercising your right to free speech, you need something with a little more umfph. Step forward the concept of “onion routing” and the Tor network. However, when you’re at this stage, you probably need the services of a professional arms dealer :)

This website actively blocks access to a few specific people. A good real world example is of one person who uses one of 2 ways to try to look at it - on a PC/laptop through an NTL connection in a specific geographical area (e.g. guildford.ntl.com) and also through an MDA Vario phone. When a request comes through, the site looks at the IP address asking for the page to see where its coming from, and also what software is being used to look at it. If it matches either of those criteria, access is blocked. So if that person was clever enough, they’d use a public proxy to fetch the site (as the proxy address wouldn’t be flagged up) and/or change the user-agent string of the browser on their mobile phone to slip through the net. Thankfully, its going to be a long time til they figure that out. :)

The hardest situation to bypass is when the IT department have set up the network to process all external traffic through their own proxy server, as that gives them complete control over everything. When that happens, its time to get out the weaponry because you need to mean business…

28
Jun

50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Life, Rants and Romance

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can’t just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don’t, it’s your own fault when he’s snoozing and you’re all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It’s a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it’s not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn’t unreasonable, but when it’s time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that’s nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you’re not willing to do that, don’t expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using random magazines as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I’m pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he’s pushing, skippy? Because you aren’t doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he’s given you. Pay attention to the signals that he’s sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He’s about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don’t want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can’t shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That’s as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you’re ragging. He didn’t do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he’s hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you’re having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like “I stubbed my toe” “I ran up the steps” or “I was putting up drywall”.

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you’re sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it’s just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn’t be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn’t be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

20. Dissing quickies because it’s not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn’t acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it’s an invitation, don’t look surprised when he “accidentally” sticks his cock in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn’t always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn’t suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you’re riding him. It’s your body, you’re used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner’s hand when hes touching you. Don’t like the way he’s doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn’t. Its your choice to stop, but don’t look all fucking surprised when he’s confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn’t make you any less of one.

30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It’s not his responsibility to start things all the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don’t ignore them.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn’t want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

36. Refusing to try things in the name of “making love”. You’re not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it’s hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It’s how you deal with it that really matters.

38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You’re having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he’s the best you’ve had, even if he isn’t.

43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don’t. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he’s doing everything right. And if he doesn’t know its not working, he’s not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven’t showered that day, and things smell a little…fishy…perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don’t care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They’ll wash.

47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.

48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he’s probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like “it happens to every guy”. Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn’t, get off another way with him. He’s still capable of getting you off. Mumbling “Forget it” and rolling over are not ok.

50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of “was it good for you?”. Now is not a good time to ask “What this means”. Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

That is all.

25
Jun

monday’s quotation corner supermarket

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Business, Life, Misc, Romance and Wisdom

“I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabrics of their life”.
“The most difficult subjects can be explained to the most slow-witted man if he has not formed any idea of them already; but the simplest thing cannot be made clear to the most intelligent man if he is firmly persuaded that he knows already, without a shadow of doubt, what is laid before him.”
“Our body is a machine for living. It is organized for that, it is its nature. Let life go on it unhindered and let it defend itself, it will do more than if you paralyse it by encumbering it with remedies.”

Leo Tolstoy

“Don’t hurry, don’t worry. You’re only here for a short visit. So be sure to stop and smell the flowers.”
Walter C Hagen

“No cord nor cable can so forcibly draw, or hold so fast, as love can do with a twined thread.”
Robert Burton

“I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended.”
Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela

“It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth - and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.”
Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

“It is in exchanging the gifts of the earth that you shall find abundance and be satisfied. Yet unless the exchange be in love and kindly justice it will but lead some to greed and others to hunger.”
Kahlil Gibran

“In one of my classes I ask my students to write on the subject, ‘If I were to die tomorrow, how would I live tonight?‘ Answering this question always brings great insight.”
Professor Leo F Buscaglia

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
Anais Nin

“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”
Martha Washington

“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours.”
Richard Bach

“If you don’t know what port you are sailing to, no wind is favourable.”
Seneca ‘The Younger’

“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Don Swartz

“If you don’t create your reality, your reality will create you.”
Lizzie West

“The best careers advice to give to the young is ‘Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it‘.”
Katherine Whitehorn

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
Anne Frank

“Compassion is not a sloppy sentimental feeling for people who are underprivileged or sick… it is an absolutely practical belief that regardless of a person’s background, ability or ability to pay, he should be provided with the best that society has to offer.”
Neil Kinnock

“Once the last tree is cut and the last river poisoned, you will find you cannot eat your money.”
Traditional saying

“My barn having burned to the ground, I can now see the moon.”
Traditional Japanese haiku verse

“I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any fellow-creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again.”
Stephen Grellet

“If you don’t know where you are going you will probably end up somewhere else.”
Laurence Peter

“There is hardly anything in the world that some man can’t make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man’s lawful prey.”
John Ruskin

“Don’t be afraid to take a big step when one is indicated. You can’t cross a chasm in two small steps.”
David Lloyd George

“The workplace should primarily be an incubator for the human spirit.”
Anita Roddick

“There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”
Peter Drucker,

“The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”
William James

“My great mistake, the fault for which I can’t forgive myself, is that one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality.”
Oscar Wilde

“Genius is only a greater aptitude for patience.”
George-Louis Leclerc

“If ‘A’ is a success in life, then A = x + y + z. Work is x; y is play, and z is keeping your mouth shut.”
Albert Einstein

“Give me a smart idiot before a stupid genius any day.”
Samuel Goldwyn

“When I am working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only of how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.”
Richard Buckminster Fuller

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.”
Carl Jung

“Give me health and a day and I will make the pomp of emperors ridiculous.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.”
“To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.”
Bertrand Russell

“A very different philosophy of management is arising. We are moving beyond strategy to purpose; beyond structure to process, and beyond systems to people…. Asshole management is not inevitable.”
Sumantra Ghoshal

“Keep doing what you’ve been doing and you will keep getting what you’ve been getting!”
Jackie B Cooper

“When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.”
Paul Brunton

“One hundred percent of the shots you don’t take don’t go in.”
Wayne Gretzky

“People who regard themselves as highly efficacious act, think, and feel differently from those who perceive themselves as inefficacious. They produce their own future, rather than simply foretell it.”
Albert Bandura

“Humans are producers of their life circumstance not just products of them.”
Albert Bandura

“A gossip talks to you about other people. A bore talks about himself. A brilliant conversationalist talks to you about yourself.”
William King

“Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Whenever men or women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe.”
Elie Wiesel

“If your enemy turns to flee, give him a silver bridge.”
Spanish proverb

“Seeker of truth, follow no path. All paths lead where truth is. Here.”
EE Cummings

“Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is.”
Will Rogers

“I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgement. It takes place every day.”
Albert Camus

“Some men see things as they are and ask ‘why?’; I dare to dream of things that never were and ask ‘why not?’.”
Bobby Kennedy

“What is the world full of? It is full of things that arise, persist, and cease. Grasp and cling to them, and they produce suffering. Don’t grasp and cling to them, and they do not produce suffering.”
Ajahn Buddhadasa

“Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.”
Alice Mackenzie Swaim

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
Jack London

“Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.”
Fred Shero

“It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.”
Leo F Buscaglia

“(You have a choice as to whether) you are either part of the steam roller or part of the road.”
Unknown

“The stone age didn’t end because they ran out of stones.”
Unknown

“Many highly intelligent people are poor thinkers. Many people of average intelligence are skilled thinkers. The power of a car is separate from the way a car is driven.”
Edward de Bono

“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.”
“Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
Mark Twain

“We seldom confide in those who are better than we are.”
Albert Camus

“The marksman hitteth the target partly by pulling, partly by letting go. The boatsman reacheth the landing partly by pulling, partly by letting go.”
Egyptian proverb

“No man is fit to command another that cannot command himself.”
William Penn

“Difficulty is not an obstacle, it is merely an attribute”.
Wal Sakaluk

“The true voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
Marcel Proust

“Despise violence. Despise national vanity and selflove. Protect the territory of conscience.”
Susan Sontag

“The future’s already here; it just isn’t evenly distributed.”
William Gibson

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”
Rudyard Kipling

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”
Harry S Truman

“Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second. Give your dreams all you’ve got and you’ll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you.”
William James

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Intelligence is quickness to apprehend, as distinct from ability, which is capacity to act wisely on the thing apprehended.”
AN Whitehead

“Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple, learn how to look after them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.”
John Steinbeck

“You can’t talk your way out of a situation you behave yourself into.”
Dr Stephen Covey

“Better go home and make a net, rather than dive for fish at random.”
Chinese proverb

“A camel is a horse designed by a committee.”
Sir Alec Issigonis

“The most important thing in life is not to capitalise on your successes; any fool can do that. The really important thing is to profit from your mistakes.”
William Bolitho

“It is with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Antoine de Saint Exupery

“Everybody can get angry, that’s easy. But getting angry at the right person, with the right intensity, at the right time, for the right reason and in the right way that’s hard.”
Aristotle

“We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run down.”
Aneurin Bevan

“Even if you think you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
Will Rogers

“What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?”
Mahatma Gandhi

“If you don’t agree with me it means you haven’t been listening.”
Sam Markewich

“The world is divided into people who do things, and people who get the credit. Try, if you can, to belong to the first class. There’s far less competition.”
Dwight Morrow

“When you are thirsty, it’s too late to dig a well.”
Japanese Proverb

“You can’t clear the swamp when you’re up to your arse in alligators.”
Unknown

“The best time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining.”
John F Kennedy

“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
Nietzsche

“Behind an able man there are always other able men.”
Chinese Proverb

“I have always said that if I were a rich man I’d hire a professional praiser.”
Sir Osbert Sitwell

“A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”
George Bernard Shaw

“You’ve got to be before you can do, and you’ve got to do before you can have.”
Zig Ziglar

“A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.”
Harvey Mackay

25
Jun

hard questions for an authentic life

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Business, Life and Romance

Susan Piver’s 2004 book The 100 Hard Questions for an Authentic Life provides a wonderful perspective and guide for self-knowledge and development.

What does it mean to live authentically?

Living authentically is what you’re doing when you find congruence between your inner world: your feelings, values, gifts, needs, spirituality, and passions, and your outer world: your job, relationships, home, and community. When you live an authentic life, these things support and synergize each other. It doesn’t mean that you have no worries, conflicts, or fears; you may even have more as you choose to live authentically. There is one key difference, though: they no longer have the power to unseat you. When you have discovered what you can offer to others, when you feel that we are on your unique path, when you have an ongoing, honest, reliable connection to your inner wisdom, then you have found your unique spot in this world with all its craziness, sorrow, and joy. This discovery gives tremendous ease. You finally have a way of relating to work, lovers, friends, and spiritual practices with open-heartedness and intelligence. Problems, no matter how intense, are workable.

  1. What values did I gain from my family of origin? The three most helpful? The three least helpful? Where do I notice these values showing up in my current life, with my current family (if applicable) and with my friends and intimate partners?
  2. What conflicts exist within my immediate family (whether of origin or marriage)? Is there any way to resolve them? Is there anyone I need to forgive? If so, for what? Whether or not the conflict involves me directly, what can I do to create healing within the family? Is there a conversation I need to have, a letter I can write, or an internal shift I can make to start the healing process?
  3. Do I want to broaden my group of friends or am I happy with just those I have now? (Some people need a lot of friends, possibly to satisfy a variety of needs, while others are happy with just a few, close friendly relationships. Which group do I fall into?) If I want more friends, why is that? Am I in some way dissatisfied with those I have? Am I seeking something from my friends that they are unable to give?
  4. If I am somehow dissatisfied with or disappointed by one or more of my friendships, why do I feel that way? Are my expectations perhaps unrealistic? Am I seeking something that this friend is unable or unwilling to provide? Have we outgrown one another? Have my feelings for this person changed? Have my friend’s feelings about me changed? How might I develop a deeper understanding of the dynamics between us?
  5. What special gifts do I have to offer as a lover or partner? Am I steadfast, giving, exciting, patient, sensitive, loyal, protective, fun? What other qualities can I identify as special in me?
  6. What qualities prevent me from being a better partner? Am I jealous, clingy, selfish, too demanding, unreliable, flaky, fearful? What other negative qualities can I identify in myself? Am I willing to change?? How capable am I (and my partner) of recognizing and working with these issues in a healthy way?
  7. Are there problems that seem to crop up for me in one relationship after another? Have I been able to identify them for myself? Am I experiencing any of these problems in my current relationship? Have I discussed them with my partner? Are we trying to work on them together?
  8. Am I able to elucidate my professional values, goals, and aspirations? If so, what are they? Even if I can’t be specific in my description, what do I know about myself in this regard?
  9. Which, if any, of the aspirations I’ve identified am I not allowing myself to manifest? Do I have gifts or goals that I’m too afraid to pursue? Do I have a skill that I’m not using at work? What is it? Do I use it elsewhere in my life?
  10. How much (or little) does my current job reflect my values, goals, and aspirations? Is there a connection between my work and these ideals? If I want more of a connection, is there anyway I can cause my current work situation to more fully reflect my values? How? When?
  11. What purpose does money serve in my life? Do I value it for the security it brings, the options it gives me, the pleasure it provides?
  12. How much money do I have right now? How much debt? How comfortable or uncomfortable am I with the amount I have and the amount I owe? How can I increase my comfort levels? Am I on a budget? Do I need one? Do I have a plan for paying down debt as quickly as possible? Do I need one? Who or what can help me become clear and responsible about saving money and paying off debt?
  13. Do I think of myself as a creative person? Everyone has special gifts of intelligence, compassion, insight, ingenuity, style, etc: what are mine? Am I able to “own” my gifts, do I feel comfortable admitting them, even to myself?
  14. If I had to rank the areas of my life to reflect my deepest values and core inclinations, how would I order the following: Family, Friends, Intimacy, Work, Money, Creativity, and Spirituality? To which areas to I devote the most time, energy, resources, and thought? Am I content with this ranking? Would I prefer to reorder some of these priorities? If so, how might I go about doing that? Are internal and/or external shifts required? Who might be able to help me make those changes? Are there any books, groups, organizations, or friends I could call on for support? If my priorities were ordered correctly, how would my life be different from what it is now?
  15. What place do spirituality and spiritual practice play in my life? Do I have a spiritual life? Do I have spiritual beliefs? Are they the beliefs of a specific religion or are they self-created? A combination of the two? Am I able to express them clearly? To myself? To others?
  16. Do I believe in God or any form of deity? If so, what makes me feel most connected to this divinity? What is the nature of my relationship with this divinity? When do I feel it most strongly? Daily? In church? In nature? With my family? Others? What can I do to make this relationship stronger?
24
Jun

self-hatred, validation and other lies

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Life, Rants, Romance and Wisdom

When you rationalise and understand things that painful or confusing, they lose their destructive power.

We weren’t born hating any part of ourselves. Self hatred is a lie. Think about it. Its utterly ridiculous. Its the hatred, bile and the criticism others have given us we have believed and subscribed to. Its derived from what others have said and done, and what the world at large tends to think about stereotypically. Those feelings aren’t yours, they are someone else’s insults, neglect or cruelty you have been gullible and dumb enough to believe. Yes, no cuddle for you here. You are gullible., not worthless. You assumed they were right and let it sink into your heart without questioning or resisting it, and now its a program in your head. They say auto-immune diseases such as cancer and/or thyroid dysfunction can be traced back to self-hatred.

Ultimately all social mental illness comes from 2 root principles: a) the need to feel loved, and b) the inability to face and deal with problems.

The most revolting and pustular vanity i’ve personally heard was from one girl who “chose” anorexia nervosa over bulimia simply because the throwing up can ruin tooth enamel. I nearly had to go to the toilet to throw up myself. The other incident that comes to mind was a retard girl at a party pretending to be unconscious from drink and her idiot willing drama-queen conspirators calling out an ambulance, the crew of which swiftly left when they exposed her for the lying child she was. Pathetic victim vanity is one very effective way to disgust me very quickly. Between that and stupid fantastists its a close call. What disgusts me is their inability to think or gain any insight.

Sometimes its amusing. I joked to a friend of my sis’ recently that i’d marry her in 2 minutes flat, and her response was typically female: “But i looked awful!“. Why the fuck would i care? Why would my friendship, affection or romantic inclinations be based on your appearance? Why would i judge you on how you look alone? Its dumb, but its what we’re brought up to believe. Beauty is an attractant, but its 1% of the bigger picture.

Allow me to suggest something to those fluffy little darlings who adopt “eating disorders”: you’re not anorexic or bulimic, you are vain. To be clinically diagnosed with either, you must have lost over 15% of your body weight and for it not be due to any other illness, and other medical complications also need to be present. Doctors use this criteria to diagnose it:

  1. The refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height. Body weight less than 85% of the expected weight is considered minimal.
  2. An intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though the person is underweight.
  3. Self-perception that is grossly distorted and weight loss that is not acknowledged.
  4. In women who have already begun their menstrual cycle, at least three consecutive periods are missed (amenorrhea), or menstrual periods occur only after a hormone is administered.

Vanity is dumb and corrosively asinine. Its the material opposite of spirituality. Obsession with beauty is foolish, short-sighted and always, always a dead end that makes us vulnerable to the evil machinations of others. You might as well prostrate yourself on the pavement and cry for someone to tell you how wonderful or pretty you are. Many people’s lives are constant driving searches for validation, and the trouble is it recurs every day when they wake up, making them repeat the same thing. What they are doing is subconsciously asking others to validate them, and give them the validation they didn’t receive naturally as a child.

The dictionary definition of “validation” is:

val·i·date /ˈvælɪˌdeɪt/ –verb (used with object), -dat·ed, -dat·ing.
1. to make valid; substantiate; confirm: Time validated our suspicions.
2. to give legal force to; legalize.
3. to give official sanction, confirmation, or approval to, as elected officials, election procedures, documents, etc.: to validate a passport.

The dictionary definition of “valid” is :

val·id /ˈvælɪd/ –adjective
1. sound; just; well-founded: a valid reason.
2. producing the desired result; effective: a valid antidote for gloom.
3. having force, weight, or cogency; authoritative.
4. legally sound, effective, or binding; having legal force: a valid contract.
5. Logic. (of an argument) so constructed that if the premises are jointly asserted, the conclusion cannot be denied without contradiction.
6. Archaic. robust; well; healthy.

So the types of question we are asking others to answer in what they tell us, what they do for us and how they behave toward us are the likes of “Am i beautiful?”, “Am i worthy?”, “Am i good enough?”, “Do i have enough?”, “Do you care?”, “Do you want me?”. It would too painful to know we are asking those types of questions directly, but we are asking for them to show us or tell us.

If you cut strips into your arms and then wear a t-shirt so everyone can see, guess what. You are an attention seeker. See a counsellor.

If you’re not happy with the way your body looks, get on a fitness regime at the local gym and change your diet. If you don’t want to do that, you’re whingeing and enjoy the flattery that comes after you declare your supposed ugliness. If you’re too lazy or uncommitted, then shut the fuck up. I hate fat people, particularly the ones who fall in self-indulgent pity and don’t do anything to help themselves.

People who genuinely intend to commit suicide very rarely tell anyone and are in desperate personal distress that they don’t reveal. They are unconcerned with the feelings of others but ridden with the shame of how weak and shameful they feel. Anyone who gratuitously threatens suicide is an attention seeker, or someone who is fluent in emotional blackmail. See a GP, speak to a charity like Mind or the Samaritans and see a counsellor.

Be suspicious of anyone who draws attention to their so-called disorders or hidden angst. Yes, it may be a cry for help, but those who truly suffer from such horrendous illnesses hide them out of shame. They are devious, manipulative and narcissistic, and often won’t admit they have a problem. The ones to watch out for are those that are silent. When a child falls and hits their head, generally you can assume the injury is minor if they are crying loudly. Its when they fall silent you need to worry. This is the true evil of attention seekers - that they waste people’s time and draw attention away from those who really need help.

My compassion for genuine sufferers is broad, but my patience with pretenders is very, very limited indeed. Sympathising and indulging them just rewards the behaviour and makes everything a million times worse. I personally take the position that its better to pierce the bubble and hold up their lies and pathetic emotional diarrhoea to their face like a mirror.

If you know you want help but won’t get it, then sit there and fucking die. Get private medical treatment as the rest of us shouldn’t have to pay to rehabilitate you as a normal human being because you can’t be bothered to make the effort yourself. This may be an alien concept to most, but to put it simply, if you recognise that you suffer from a problem, BUY A FUCKING BOOK AND LEARN ABOUT IT. Research it on the world’s biggest encyclopedia (the Internet), in a library or speak to helpful organisations. You have no right to whinge, complain or do your attention-validation routine if you can’t be bothered to learn about what the matter is, how its caused and how it propagates. You are responsible for you, not everyone else.

Phew. Breathe Alex, breathe. :)

22
Jun

plastic toys - let me feel the love

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Misc and Music

Kitty’s band. Yes, i’m biased, but watch it for yourself. This tune’s out as a single soon

These guys are fucking good, and they’re on their way to big things. Exciting, funny and a little rock n’ roll. One of a new generation of musicians who are doing it for professionally themselves and taking on the world their own way. Music produced at home, a great music video and they even do vodcasts. We need more of these, and we need to support them heavily. I’m not saying have a look and smile, i’m saying get into this band and take them seriously. No messing about.

They’re playing in Notting Hill this Wednesday 27th June in Notting Hill, so get your ass down there with me if you have a spare few hours. It’s worth it, and there’s not many bands you can say that about.

More info:

http://www.plastictoys.co.uk
http://www.myspace.com/plastictoys

20
Jun

if life is a game, these are cherie’s rules

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Business, Life, Romance and Wisdom

Cherie Carter-Scott PhD is a very modern guru. Her theories explain our attitudes and behaviour with a special clarity, and provide a practical guide to behaviour and self development. Dr. Carter-Scott achieved her PhD in human and organisational development and for the nearly 30 years has been an international lecturer, consultant and author. She founded the MMS (Motivation Management Service) Institute and has been called a guardian angel to CEO’s. Carter-Scott’s book ‘If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules‘ is essential reading if you are interested in behaviour, relationships, communications, and human personality. Cherie Carter-Scott’s rules for life - also known as ‘The Ten Rules For Being Human‘ and referenced in her book with Jack Canfield: ‘Chicken Soup For The Soul’ - are a map for understanding and pursuing personal development, and for helping others to understand and develop too. ‘If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules‘ is also commonly referenced book in the life-coaching industry.

Rule One - You will receive a body.
Whether you love it or hate it, it’s yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what’s inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons.
Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them ‘is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life’.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it’s inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you’d want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it’s also ‘the act of erasing an emotional debt’. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that ‘mistakes’ are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned.
Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - ‘causality’ must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn’t happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end.
While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the ‘rhythm of life’, don’t struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six - “There” is no better than “here”.
The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what’s good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you.
You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don’t get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what’s right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you.
Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth.
We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.

20
Jun

the morals of Aesop’s Fables

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Business, Jedi Skills, Life, Romance and Wisdom

Aesop’s Fables or Aesopica refers to a collection of fables credited to Aesop (620–560 BC), a slave and story-teller who lived in Ancient Greece. Aesop’s Fables have become a blanket term for collections of brief fables, usually involving personified animals. The fables remain a popular choice for moral education of children today. Many stories included in Aesop’s Fables, such as The Fox and the Grapes (from which the idiom “sour grapes” was derived), The Tortoise and the Hare, The North Wind and the Sun and The Boy Who Cried Wolf, are well-known throughout the world.

You were educated as a child by these tales of wisdom and didn’t even know it. Human nature has never been so concisely defined. The wonderfully beautiful thing is that their simplicity is incredibly deceptive - they are actually far more profound when you are older.

There are more than 600 fables, but some of the most well known and their morals stand as true today as they have for thousands of years:

  • It is wise to turn circumstances to good account. (The Bat and the Weasels)
  • Like will draw like. (The Charcoal-Burner and the Fuller)
  • In serving the wicked, expect no reward, and be thankful if you escape injury for your pains. (The Wolf and the Crane)
  • Self-help is the best help. (Hercules and the Wagoner)
  • The loiterer often blames delay on his more active friend. (The Traveler and His Dog)
  • Slow but steady wins the race. (The Hare and the Tortoise)
  • Birds of a feather flock together. (The Farmer and the Stork)
  • The greatest kindness will not bind the ungrateful. (The Farmer and the Snake)
  • No arguments will give courage to the coward. (The Fawn and His Mother)
  • Fair weather friends are not worth much. (The Swallow and the Crow)
  • Don’t make much ado about nothing. (The Mountain in Labor)
  • If men had all they wished, they would be often ruined. (The Tortoise and the Eagle)
  • Pleasure bought with pains, hurts. (The Flies and the Honey-Pot)
  • One story is good, till another is told. (The Man and the Lion))
  • If words suffice not, blows must follow. (The Farmer and the Cranes)
  • Look before you leap. (The Fox and the Goat)
  • Misfortune tests the sincerity of friends. (The Bear and the Two Travelers)
  • Those who suffer most cry out the least. (The Oxen and the Axle-Trees)
  • Zeal should not outrun discretion. (The Thirsty Pigeon)
  • Change of habit cannot alter Nature. (The Raven and the Swan)
  • Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hid. (The Goat and the Goatherd)
  • He is wise who is warned by the misfortunes of others. (The Sick Lion)
  • The value is in the worth, not in the number. (The Lioness)
  • Do not attempt too much at once. (The Boy and the Filberts)
  • No one truly forgets injuries in the presence of him who caused the injury. (The Laborer and the Snake)
  • Harm seek, harm find. (The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing)
  • Evil companions bring more hurt than profit. (The Sick Stag)
  • Do not be in a hurry to change one evil for another. (The Oxen and the Butchers)
  • Little liberties are great offenses. (The Lion, the Mouse, and the Fox)
  • Old friends cannot with impunity be sacrificed for new ones. (The Goatherd and the Wild Goats)
  • Notoriety is often mistaken for fame. (The Mischievous Dog)
  • Whatever you do, do with all your might. (The Boy and the Nettles)
  • Those who seek to please everybody please nobody. (The Man and His Two Sweethearts)
  • Pride goes before destruction. (The Fighting Cocks and the Eagle)
  • There is no believing a liar, even when he speaks the truth. (The Shepherd’s Boy and the Wolf)
  • Time and place often give the advantage to the weak over the strong. (The Kid and the Wolf)
  • Example is more powerful than precept. (The Crab and Its Mother)
  • Better poverty without care, than riches with. (The Fir-Tree and the Bramble)
  • Harm hatch, harm catch. (The Mouse, the Frog, and the Hawk)
  • Benefits bestowed upon the evil-disposed increase their means of injuring you. (The Man Bitten by a Dog)
  • Equals make the best friends. (The Two Pots)
  • Hypocritical speeches are easily seen through. (The Wolf and the Sheep)
  • What’s bred in the bone will stick to the flesh. (The Aethiop)
  • Abstain and enjoy. (The Huntsman and the Fisherman)
  • The memory of a good deed lives. (The Old Woman and the Wine-Jar)
  • Children are not to be blamed for the faults of their parents. (The Two Dogs)
  • Avoid a remedy that is worse than the disease. (The Hawk, the Kite, and the Pigeons)
  • The least outlay is not always the greatest gain. (The Widow and the Sheep)
  • Might makes right. (The Wild Ass and the Lion)
  • We must make friends in prosperity if we would have their help in adversity. (The Sick Kite)
  • False confidence often leads into danger. (The Ass, the Cock, and the Lion)
  • The more honor the more danger. (The Mice and the Weasels)
  • Every man for himself. (The Three Tradesmen)
  • He is not to be trusted as a friend who mistreats his own family. (The Master and His Dogs)
  • They are not wise who give to themselves the credit due to others. (The Ass Carrying the Image)
  • He who shares the danger ought to share the prize. (The Two Travelers and the Axe)
  • Evil wishes, like chickens, come home to roost. (The Bee and Jupiter)
  • Our mere anticipations of life outrun its realities. (The Seaside Travelers)
  • In quarreling about the shadow we often lose the substance. (The Ass and His Shadow)
  • Stoop to conquer. (The Oak and the Reeds)
  • The hero is brave in deeds as well as words. (The Hunter and the Woodman)
  • Necessity knows no law. (The Birdcatcher, the Partridge, and the Cock)
  • Do nothing without a regard to the consequences. (The Two Frogs)
  • It sometimes happens that one man has all the toil, and another all the profit. (The Lion, the Bear, and the Fox)
  • In avoiding one evil, care must be taken not to fall into another. (The Doe and the Lion)
  • Every man should be content to mind his own business. (The Seagull and the Kite)
  • It shows an evil disposition to take advantage of a friend in distress. (The Bull and the Goat)
  • The best intentions will not always ensure success. (The Monkeys and Their Mother)
  • Everyone is more or less master of his own fate. (The Traveler and Fortune)
  • Happy is the man who learns from the misfortunes of others. (The Lion, the Fox, and the Ass)
  • Misfortunes springing from ourselves are the hardest to bear. (The Oak and the Woodcutters)
  • Men often bear little grievances with less courage than they do large misfortunes. (The Ass and the Frogs)
  • Those who assume a character which does not belong to them, only make themselves ridiculous. (The Crow and the Raven)
  • Contentment with our lot is an element of happiness. (The Crab and the Fox)
  • In a change of government the poor change nothing beyond the name of their master. (The Ass and the Old Shepherd)
  • The desire for imaginary benefits often involves the loss of present blessings. (The Kites and the Swans)
  • Count the cost before you commit yourselves. (The Hares and the Foxes)
  • Be on guard against men who can strike from a distance. (The Bowman and Lion)
  • Use serves to overcome dread. (The Camel)
  • No one can be a friend if you know not whether to trust or distrust him. (The Dog and the Hare)
  • Two blacks do not make one white. (The Stag, the Wolf, and the Sheep)
  • Fine feathers don’t make fine birds. (The Peacock and the Crane)
  • Every tale is not to be believed. (The Thief and the Innkeeper)
  • Necessity is the mother of invention. (The Crow and the Pitcher)
  • A willful man will have his way to his own hurt. (The Two Frogs)
  • A false tale often betrays itself. (The Fox and the Monkey)
  • Self-help is the best help. (The Lark and Her Young Ones)
  • Acquaintance softens prejudices. (The Fox and the Lion)
  • Counsel without help is useless. (The Boy Bathing)
  • Straws show how the wind blows. (The Man and His Wife)
  • The dishonest, if they act honestly, get no credit. (The Wolf, the Fox, and the Ape)
  • Union is strength. (The Lion and the Three Bulls)
  • Evil tendencies are shown in early life. (The Blind Man and the Whelp)
  • It is easy to kick a man that is down. (The Dogs and the Fox)
  • Men of evil reputation, when they perform a good deed, fail to get credit for it. (The Wolf and the Horse)
  • Persuasion is better than Force. (The North Wind and the Sun)
  • A man is known by the company he keeps. (The Ass and His Purchaser)
  • What is most truly valuable is often underrated. (The Stag at the Pool)
  • Youth’s first duty is reverence to parents. (The Lark Burying Her Father)
  • Some men are of more consequence in their own eyes than in the eyes of their neighbors. (The Gnat and the Bull)
  • Attempt not impossibilities. (The Dogs and the Hides)
  • It is absurd to ape our betters. (The Monkey and the Camel)
  • Self-interest alone moves some men. (The Peasant and the Apple-Tree)
  • Try before you trust. (The Lion and the Eagle)
  • We had better bear our troubles bravely than try to escape them. (The King’s Son and the Painted Lion)
  • Nature exceeds nurture. (The Cat and Venus)
  • It matters little if those who are inferior to us in merit should be like us in outside appearances. (The She-Goats and Their Beards)
  • They who act without sufficient thought, will often fall into unsuspected danger. (The Dog and the Oyster)
  • The safeguards of virtue are hateful to those with evil intentions. (The Thieves and the Cock)
  • Some men underrate their best blessings. (The Travelers and the Plane-Tree)

Wow. The things i should have learned, and things i should have remembered. The things i had to learn the hard way. Its amazing one man can come up with what are essentially the principles of life and have done it so quaintly and elegantly. Perhaps the most important things ar best expressed in the simplest terms, like the biblical parables. Human nature is a fickle thing, and unfortunately, entirely predictable. I wonder how many times i would have been better off if i’d listened. Although i could also spend all day, every day, reflecting and philosophising over each one.

All of things we ever need to know are given to us when we’re small, and somehow we forget or ignore them.

20
Jun

personal change and construct theory

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Business, Jedi Skills, Life and Wisdom

A lot of business and motivational people speak a lot of bollocks about the idea of “change” and there are even pompous “blue sky” job titles such as “Director of Change” and processes known as “change management“. Its all shit. The only constant in life is change. Everything is changing and evolving all the time. We can’t avoid it, we can’t escape it and despite it being a woolly, esoteric term that’s now been bastardised by the arcane amongst us, its good to study. We all claim we love change. We don’t. That’s crap too. We resist it. A little honesty goes a long way, particularly when Homo Sapiens is a creature of habit, cycle and routine.

Scientifically speaking, the cost (and pain) can be described as the combination of the desire for change, the vision of the change, and the knowledge of the change process is greater than the value of leaving things as they are. This can alternatively be expressed as dissatisfaction + vision + change process = the cost of change (Managing Complex Change, Beckhard and Harris). Maths and abstract concepts never did play well together.

John Fisher’s process of personal change goes into a lot more detail about how we react to changes, and defines what he calls a “personal transition curve” model (PDF).

A more complex model involving positive and negative change reactions:

1. anxiety (can I deal with this change that I’m facing) - potentially leading negatively to denial
2. happiness (something’s going to change)
3. fear (of imminent personal change)
4. threat (from reactions of others to the new ‘me’) - potentially leading to disillusionment
5. guilt (for previous behaviour) - potentially leading negatively to depression and thereafter hostility
6. gradual acceptance (I can see myself in the future)
7. moving forward (this can work and be good)

anxiety
The awareness that events lie outside one’s range of understanding or control. I believe the problem here is that individuals are unable to adequately picture the future. They do not have enough information to allow them to anticipate behaving in a different way within the new organization. They are unsure how to adequately construe acting in the new work and social situations.

happiness
The awareness that one’s viewpoint is recognised and shared by others. The impact of this is two-fold. At the basic level there is a feeling of relief that something is going to change, and not continue as before. Whether the past is perceived positively or negatively, there is still a feeling of anticipation, and possibly excitement, at the prospect of improvement. On another level, there is the satisfaction of knowing that some of your thoughts about the old system were correct (generally no matter how well we like the status quo, there is something that is unsatisfactory about it) and that something is going to be done about it. In this phase we generally expect the best and anticipate a bright future, placing our own construct system onto the change and seeing ourselves succeeding. One of the dangers in this phase is that of the inappropriate psychological contract. We may perceive more to the change, or believe we will get more from the change than is actually the case. The organization needs to manage this phase and ensure unrealistic expectations are managed and redefined in the organizations terms, without alienating the individual.

fear
The awareness of an imminent incidental change in one’s core behavioural system. People will need to act in a different manner and this will have an impact on both their self-perception and on how others externally see them. However, in the main, they see little change in their normal interactions and believe they will be operating in much the same way, merely choosing a more appropriate, but new, action.

threat
The awareness of an imminent comprehensive change in one’s core behavioural structures. Here clients perceive a major lifestyle change, one that will radically alter their future choices and other people’s perception of them. They are unsure as to how they will be able to act/react in what is, potentially, a totally new and alien environment - one where the “old rules” no longer apply and there are no “new” ones established as yet.

guilt
Awareness of dislodgement of self from one’s core self perception. Once the individual begins exploring their self-perception, how they acted/reacted in the past and looking at alternative interpretations they begin to re-define their sense of self. This, generally, involves identifying what are their core beliefs and how closely they have been to meeting them. Recognition of the inappropriateness of their previous actions and the implications for them as people can cause guilt as they realise the impact of their behaviour.

depression
This phase is characterised by a general lack of motivation and confusion. Individuals are uncertain as to what the future holds and how they can fit into the future “world”. Their representations are inappropriate and the resultant undermining of their core sense of self leaves them adrift with no sense of identity and no clear vision of how to operate.

disillusionment
The awareness that your values, beliefs and goals are incompatible with those of the organization. The pitfalls associated with this phase are that the employee becomes unmotivated, unfocused and increasingly dissatisfied and gradually withdraws their labour, either mentally (by just “going through the motions”, doing the bare minimum, actively undermining the change by criticising/complaining) or physically by resigning.

hostility
Continued effort to validate social predictions that have already proved to be a failure. The problem here is that individual’s continue to operate processes that have repeatedly failed to achieve a successful outcome and are no longer part of the new process or are surplus to the new way of working. The new processes are ignored at best and actively undermined at worst.

denial
This stage is defined by a lack of acceptance of any change and denies that there will be any impact on the individual. People keep acting as if the change has not happened, using old practices and processes and ignoring evidence or information contrary to their belief systems.

It can be seen from the transition curve that it is important for an individual to understand the impact that the change will have on their own personal construct systems; and for them to be able to work through the implications for their self perception. Any change, no matter how small, has the potential to impact on an individual and may generate conflict between existing values and beliefs and anticipated altered ones.

One danger for the individual, team and organization occurs when an individual persists in operating a set of practices that have been consistently shown to fail (or result in an undesirable consequence) in the past and that do not help extend and elaborate their world-view. Another danger area is that of denial where people maintain operating as they always have denying that there is any change at all. Both of these can have detrimental impact on an organization trying to change the culture and focus of its people.

Quite how nuts you will go is best illustrated using the well-established and trusted Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS), which uses “life units” to determine just how much stress you’re under and how bad it is.

These reactions form part of the generic family derived from Personal Construct Psychology (PCP), (or Personal Construct Theory - PCT) is a concept pioneered by George Kelly. Personal Construct Psychology theory proposes that we must understand how the other person sees their world and what meaning they attribute to things in order to effectively communicate and connect with them. A person’s unique psychological processes are channelized by the way he anticipates events.

Kelly believed that anticipation and prediction are the main drivers of our mind.”Man is a scientist“, said Kelly, in that he is always building up and refining theories and models about how the world works so that he can anticipate events. All these theories are built up from a system of constructs. A construct has two extreme points, such as “happy-sad” and we tend to place people at either extreme or at some point in between.

Some things, like business bullshit, will never change. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Whatever :)

18
Jun

etiquette and chivalry of a gentleman

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Business, Life and Romance

Always be polite
Even if you don’t like someone, there is no need to lower yourself to their level. Be polite and courteous; show that you’re the better man.

Do not curse
Swearing is a big no-no. It shows that you don’t have the vocabulary to express your thoughts appropriately. Furthermore, it is always very crude and impolite to be vulgar.

Do not speak loudly
When you speak loudly, it raises the stress level among company. It always implies that you can’t reason with people and rely on “brute force” to get your point across. It also draws attention — negative attention.

Do not lose your temper
When you lose your temper, you are showing everyone that you can’t control your emotions. If you can’t even control yourself, then how can you possibly control anything else? Keep your cool at all times (it won’t be easy but it is worth the effort) and people will take positive note of your levelheadedness.

Do not stare
Ogling someone is the equivalent of psychological aggression. You don’t want to intimidate people for no reason.

Do not interrupt
Let people finish what they are saying before adding your comments. Interrupting others is a sign of poor etiquette and a lack of social skills. If you want to come across as egotistical, you can do so by constantly interrupting.

Do not spit
A lot of men do this almost subconsciously. Spitting is very crude and not too pretty to look at. Do not spit in public unless you want to look like you were raised in a sewer.

Respect your elders
In fact, you should respect others as you would like them to respect you. I am specifying elders because it seems that today, young men think they know it all. Well, they don’t. Just think of yourself five years ago… you’re much smarter and experienced today, aren’t you? Of course, yet you thought you knew it all five years ago.

Do not laugh at others’ mistakes
This is perhaps one of the cruelest things one can do. When you mess up, the last thing you want is for someone not only to bring it to your attention, but to ridicule you on top of that.

Remove your hat indoors
This rule seems to have gone out the window these days. You should remove your headwear upon entering a building. Furthermore, never keep your hat on while at the dinner table. It reflects very poor etiquette.

Wait for seating before eating
When sitting down for a meal, you should wait until all the guests are properly seated and ready to commence the meal before eating. Everyone should start dining at the same time; this is a subtle but very important rule.

Practice good etiquette
Being courteous and respectful extends to how you handle your oral and written communications. Letters and voicemail messages should show that you are well-mannered and professional. In addition, practice e-mail Netiquette and cell phone etiquette.

Be a gracious guest
Thank the host at a social or business function. At a company party, always seek out and thank the most senior management in attendance, plus your own boss and the party organizers.

Thank others
Send handwritten thank-you notes for any gifts you receive, whether they are from suppliers or clients, or even your great-aunt Martha. Thank your server at lunch, the doorman at your building and your colleague who brings in donuts. Recognizing other people’s thoughtfulness demonstrates your good breeding.

Don’t be politically incorrect
The difference between a gentleman and a boor is class. Show you have it. Avoid off-color jokes and gossip. A few cheap laughs at someone else’s expense will tarnish your image, both socially and professionally.

Practice small talk
Whether you’re at a wedding reception or business conference, how you make conversation will boost the impression of your refinement. Charming conversationalists mentally rehearse small talk on a variety of topics, avoiding religion, politics and sex. A gentleman listens attentively, making eye contact, showing interest and graciously drawing other people into a conversation.


the basics of chivalry
————————————————————————————————-

In addition to the aforementioned rules, gentlemen (in training) should follow these additional rules when in the presence of a lady. Chivalry may be on life support, but it is not dead yet. Be one of the few to keep this flame burning for many years to come.

Always open doors
This is perhaps the most basic rule of male etiquette out there. It is also one of the easiest to follow so you have no reason to forget it. Whether she is about to enter your car, restaurant, club, or anyplace with a door, you should always hold it open. If there are many doors, then hold them open one after the other.

Put on her coat
Always help a lady put on her coat or overgarment. This is a simple but powerful action.

Help with her seat
If an unaccompanied lady is sitting next to you, it is important that you help her be seated by pulling her chair out for her and gently pushing it back into place, with the lady seated of course.

Give up your seat
If a lady arrives at the table and there are no available seats, you should stand up and offer yours to her.

Stand at attention
Always stand when a lady enters or exits the room. This rule has been somewhat relaxed, so you can stand upon entrance but remain seated upon exit. Nonetheless, if you can do both, you should.

Give her your arm
When escorting a lady (that you know) to and from social events, you should offer her your arm. This is a little more intimate, but serves well when walking on uneven ground — especially if she’s wearing high heels.

Ask if she needs anything
This is one that most guys already do, but helps complete the gentleman in all of us nevertheless. When at social events, make sure to ask the lady if you can get her something to drink (or eat, depending on the event). Show her that you care about her comfort and needs.

Open the door
In a business context, opening the door for women can be a contentious issue, so don’t make it too obvious. If there are men and women in the group, hold the door for everyone. In a social context, a gentleman will always hold the door for a lady. In addition, go around to open the car door and wait there until she is seated.

Retrieve dropped items
When someone drops something, pick it up and hand it back, whether it’s a glove, a file folder or a twenty-dollar bill. Make sure you bend at the knees, not from the waist.

Walk beside a lady on the stairs
Never walk behind a woman on the stairway, especially if she’s wearing a miniskirt. Walk beside her or slightly ahead of her on the stairs. When exiting a subway station in a crush of people, a gentleman will avert his eyes from the thighs ahead of him. The same principle applies if you are walking on the streets; don’t follow any woman you don’t know too closely.

Walk on the outside of a pavement
This allows your lady to be farther from the traffic. This way, if someone is going to be splashed, it will be you, not her. I know, I know… but that’s the price to pay if you want to be a gentleman.


basic good manners
————————————————————————————————-

Don’t flaunt your riches
Nobody likes a braggart. Keep your assets vague if you have to discuss financial matters. You can wear expensive things without blowing your own trumpet.

Never let others see you looking at your watch
When you’re amid company, ask for the time or look at your watch only if you’re ready to leave right that instant. When others notice you glancing at the time, it can be interpreted as boredom. Be inconspicuous.

Never groom yourself in public
This includes picking your nose, chewing your nails and picking your teeth. These areas should only be ventured in private. Committing these acts overtly is a colossal mark of a lack of class.

Be punctual
Perhaps the greatest sign of respect, which is what a gentleman is all about, is being on time. Having people wait for you is the equivalent of telling them that you don’t care about them.

Shake hands firmly
Your handshake should mirror your personality. You want the other person to think of you as someone resolved, concrete and positive. But it shouldn’t be a test of your strength; don’t hurt them. Your grip should be the same for women.

Apply constant verbal grace
Use “excuse me” or “I beg your pardon” for all occasions. An extension of politeness, you should always use these expressions, whether it’s to get someone to move out of your way, to apologize for your upcoming journey to the men’s room, or simply to signal your interlocutors that you’re about to start a sentence.

Tip well and discreetly
Only tip when it’s called for, as opposed to those occasions when it’s simply awkward (i.e. hospital nurses or business messenger). When you do tip, don’t be cheap. Respect the 15% gratuity for restaurant tabs and nothing less than $10 for a significantly useful maitre d’.

Never speak with food in your mouth
No one wants to see what you’re chewing or listen to you talk with a mouthful of food. If you’re asked something and your mouth is full, signal your apologies and, if your dining partners are refined, they will patiently wait until you’re able to reply. Unless there’s a valid reason to wolf down your food and bolt from the table, eat slowly and converse with your tablemates.

Don’t reach across someone
When dining with others, don’t reach over; politely ask someone to pass the bread. When they do, take the tray or basket and offer the passer a piece of bread before taking one. If the bread is in front of you, pass it to the person beside you and, if they are knowledgeable about good etiquette, they will offer it to you before taking their own.

Put down your knife
Unless you’re expecting an attack from a pack of marauding wild animals, put down your knife after cutting your food and befor