Winning the psychological war in any competition

• Get the home field advantage whenever possible.
• Have others watch you when you feel you are more competent than your opponent. When you are less confident, try to compete without an audience.
• To enhance your performance, anchor your successes so you will be able to go into your ideal state at will.
• Never act out of fear, focus on the objective, not on yourself.
• Mentally rehearse your performance and desired outcome.
• Always have a backup plan. If your tactics are not working, make sure that you can easily switch to a new game plan.
• Do the unexpected and give no warning. By acting without a pattern you throw your opponent off balance.

The no1 mistake people make in life

• When things are going your way - when you’re in the pattern of success - it makes sense to put more on the line and slightly increase your risk. And when you’re going strong, you decide when to stop; don’t be forced into early retirement. But when things are going against you, stop and regroup.
• Never do anything out of fear, if you can avoid it. Fear clouds your thinking and places your focus on the negative outcome. If you need to win then you will lose because you will be focused on what is at stake and not on the objective. Detach yourself from the objective and get in the zone before you take action.

Get your phone call returned

• Leave a message that in some way shows your appreciation, but isn’t clear as to what its about. Human beings have an inherent curiosity, and by not making your message clear, it forces the person you’re trying to reach to clarify what it’s about.

Have anyone forgive you

• If your explanation is due to circumstances beyond your control it is received more favourably than an excuse that mentions only reasons that you had control over.
• If the situation was not beyond your control - meaning that it was completely your own doing - then make sure that you take full and complete responsibility for your actions.
• Your apology should be sincere and specific.
• Let the person know that you are prepared to face and accept any consequences for your actions. and that your fate is in their hands. You must restore their sense of power.
• Demonstrate how the set of circumstances that led to your behaviour can never occur again in the future.
• If fear was part of your motivation, be sure to explain exactly how your actions were rooted in this fear.
• Show that your actions did not produce any of the anticipated gain or benefits.

The best way to break bad news

• Avoid words that have a harsh, negative connotation or stigma. Language is the basis of thought and thought is the extension of emotion. Therefore, you can substantially decrease a person’s reaction to a situation by choosing the right words.
• Present the situation when possible (or aspects of it) as temporary, isolated and insignificant.
• Use the laws of Contrast and Comparison but illustrating how it could have been worse than it actually turned out.

Getting your stuff back, without an argument

• Simply ask for it, being sure to include a reason as to why you need it back now.
• Tell them that you think of them as the kind of person who always tries to do the right thing.
• Appeal to their sense of dignity. Tell them that a few people that you both know told you that you would never get it back.
• Tell them that you’re going to have to tell others so they won’t lose anything to them as you did.
• Remember too that people do favours for those they like. And yes, some consider giving you back what’s owed to you as a favour.

Saying “no” without causing offence

• When you turn down the favour (that’s being asked of you), ask for a favour from that person right after you say no to their request. By asking a favour of them that they can’t come through on, you’ve in effect canceled your debt as soon as they decline your request.
• When you turn down their request, and before you ask them to do something for you, use the word “because” in your request. The word “because” triggers an unconscious acceptance that a valid explanation will follow.

Turning a rude/obnoxious shitbag into your best friend

• Firstly make sure that your attitude is not the problem. If you expect someone to dislike you, you will likely interpret their actions through this warped perspective.
• Tell a 3rd party that you genuinely like, admire, and/or respect this person. This will engage the Law of Reciprocal Affection.
• By showing an interest in them you will get them to like you faster than if you spent all day trying to get them interested in you.
• Talk about those things you share and have in common - ideas, values, thoughts, etc.
• They like you based on how you make them feel about themselves. You can be the greatest person in the world, but they will dislike you if you make them feel unimportant and insignificant.

Killing a rumour about you

• If you know who is responsible for the rumours, go to them and let them know that you are aware of who they are and what they are doing.
• You want to humanise yourself. Let them know that there is a real person behind the rumours.
• Instead of trying to deny, defend or minimise the rumour, which can make you appear more guilty, simply spread a more outrageous rumour that overshadows that one, but incorporates it as well.

Putting a wall in front of verbal abuse

• Resist your initial inclination to get defensive. If its their problem, don’t make it yours! The psychological dynamics change dramatically as soon as you use the word “I” or “me”. Then it becomes something between you and them.
• If you are worried for your physical safety then acknowledge their “authority and power” to diffuse their anger. Do this by becoming more upset at yourself than they are at you.

Getting anyone to open up to you

• When you get a vague answer, ask a more specific question that is related to their answer. If you ask a general follow-up question you will only get another general response.
• If the person is unsure of how to answer, ask them instead to tell you how they feel about an aspect of the situation, instead of the entire situation itself.
• Ask them if there might have been any unconscious motivations at work. This alleviates the element of guilt as it does not imply that there was intent.

Dealing with complaints quickly and easily

• Say nothing. Just listen. Paraphrase what they’ve just said. Use “buildup” phrases to reinforce their ego and sense of importance. Ask them what they would like you to do.
• While doing the above, establish rapport to help them to feel more at ease and comfortable with you.

Neutralising jealousy fits

• A person feels threatened only in areas they consider the basis for their identity. Building up their self-esteem is not the answer. You must downplay the trait that they feel that they lack and that others possess. Their jealousy is really envy of what other people have that they don’t.
• If you are dealing with a person who insanely jealous of everyone and everything, they perceive an imbalance in the relationship whereby you are more valuable than they are, which makes them believe its just a matter of time before you figure this out for yourself. This is why you almost never see a relationship where both people are insanely jealous of the other. Therefore, if you become openly jealous about everything that they do, their perspective should shift dramatically.

Getting the best advice from anyone

• Listen with an open mind, not just to confirm what you want to hear.
• Don’t ask advice from someone who may jealous or envious of you or your ideas.
• Don’t ask advice from anyone who has a stake in the outcome - emotional, financial or otherwise.
• Get feedback from a cross section of people. The more opinions you get the greater the perspective you will have.

Giving appallingly harsh criticism without upsetting someone

• The best time to criticise is when you are removed from the event.
• Put time between the event and your critique.
• Tell the person that you are mentioning this because you care.
• Always criticise in private.
• Preface your criticism with a compliment.
• Criticise the act, not the person.
• Share some of the responsibility if you can.
• Offer the solution.
• Let them know that they are not alone.

Extracting confessions and becoming a confidant

• Tell them a secret or something personal that is going on in your life. When someone tells us something about themselves, not only do we feel psychologically closer but we feel a need to reciprocate by sharing something personal with them.
• Ask them their views on something general. When they do tell you, do not argue or debate the merit of their beliefs. If you “coincidentally” share the same views this will significantly increase your psychological bond.
• By having the person focus on their emotions, you unconsciously force them to seek support from you, to open up, and to share. To apply this, have the person focus on how they feel about the situation, not on the situation itself.
• If appropriate, offer a benefit for telling you. Letting them get it off their chest is okay but not always effective.
• Fear of what you think of them is often an obstacle. Overcome this by letting them know you are not judgemental and that we all do things that we’re not proud of.

Handling tough questions and winning the argument

• Never, ever get defensive. The minute you try to defend yourself, you’ve lost.
• Don’t automatically accept the person’s premise or you may be starting at a disadvantage. Instead gain leverage ask them to explain why they think the way they do.
• Don’t be goaded into responding to a vague statement. You can’t win. Change the question, reduce it to specifics, and then answer.
• If you’re really at a loss, use hypnotic conversation-stopping (trance inducing) questions to gain some time to think and strategise.