I strike up the strangest of conversations with the most random of people on a daily basis. What i love about this life is how we all crash into one another almost coincidentally and the most flippant of moments can yield incredible wisdom or change our outlook. I was talking with the plumber mending Sam’s toilet a few weeks ago and noticed he had a Japanese lettering tattoo like i have. When i asked him what it meant, he replied “Devils wear angels’ faces“, and it was a reminder for him after a particularly bad relationship to be more circumspect about the people he let into his world. Very appropriate at the time and also very wise. How i wish i took that advice so many times in my own life. Its so much easier to preach than to live your own teaching. Every hypocrite’s pockets are always bulging with love.

I learnt recently that what angers me most is experiencing someone refusing to show compassion when they are able to; someone defiantly and stubbornly not granting the kindness or love to another person who deserves it when they have it at their disposal to give. If there is someone who is in need or at risk, there is no reason whatsoever not to go out of your way to help. The alleged “reason” not to is your own selfish indulgence or vested interests and that’s completely unacceptable to me. Help is almost always free and easy. If you can relieve or end the suffering of another human being, you must do it. Not to do so is an abuse of power and an abhorrent travesty of your own appreciation for the preciousness of those you love and the good fortune in your own life. If you wanted to summarise, it’s not OK to be a selfish little shit. If you want to anger me, refuse to help someone when you can, or just stand there doing nothing when you could help.

The only exception to this is when helping someone will do more damage than refusing, in the true sense of killing them with kindness. Alcoholics & Narcotics Anonymous recommend the practice of “tough love” for family members dealing with addicts, who tend to exhibit childlike compuslive mentalities. In many ways, that in itself is help. I’m not saying you should gratuitiously help anyone and everyone, just that you must act if the situation demands it after you have judged it to be genuine. If you’re my father for example, its more important to have people account to you and explain themselves to determine whether you are worthy and being reasonable before he decides whether he will lend a helping hand.

Inaction in general makes me furious. If you have the answer to a problem or know the way to resolve a situation but just sit there doing nothing, you’ll have me screaming at you in no time. I just don’t get those who stand there appearing scared or gormless, not correcting an issue when they could. Breakdowns between people often mean we put barriers up to defend and separate ourselves from those who we dislike, fear or worry will hurt us. But interestingly we almost always leave the barrier unattended so that person will see it and attempt to dismantle it, because doing that shows us we are important to them, they know us well and they care. The barrier is often deliberately there to be taken down, and not taking it down when you can easily do it is symptomatic of a horrible and useless apathy. Its easy to assume the wall is a permanent fixture that is designed to be impregnable and any trespassing will get us shot. It may not be an easy path to get through, but standing there and looking at it out of “respect” is retarded. If you didn’t want the other person to dismantle it, you would simply have walked off rather than driving a pole into the ground and building a fortress.

So what is more strange? To accept we all have a dark side and indulge it occasionally, or to be surprised when someone does? I’m often described as a man of extremes, and its certainly not a good idea to get in my bad books. I’ve been known to pursue and run down those who’ve shown themselves to be obnoxious or behave in a distinctly tasteless way and i make no apology for the valuable public service i believe it to be. I believe in living my life to its vital full - to love those i care about with the greatest passion until the day i die, and to ruthlessly persecute and stamp out those who want to hurt me, have made themselves my enemy or don’t have my interests at heart. Wind me up and i’ll put you down. Hurt me and i’ll hurt you back 10x as bad as a warning to you and anyone else that your abuse won’t go unnoticed or tolerated. Just treat me with respect and courtesy and i’ll return the favour. If you take 10 seconds to think about how to approach me, you’ll never have to worry about it.

But the important thing to remember if and when they contemplate the dark side of me is that I’ve never hurt anyone who i believed was innocent or didn’t deserve it. Every time i’ve lashed out has been a reaction to something someone has said or done as an act of power or punishment rather than something as childish and pointless as revenge or spite. The message each time is the same and has a very specific purpose a dramatic expression of the offence a person has caused me. Leave me alone without resolving or apologising and i get worse. I’ve never physically attacked anyone or instigated a fight, but i have dealt out some appalling violence in self-defense, usually in a fit of self-righteous rage. Without a message, acting in anger is universally pointless and never makes you feel any better. Hence spite and revenge are off the menu, because as bizarre as it sounds, they are too superficial.

That inherent Jekyll/Hyde dichotomy confuses a lot of people and is also the source of my fundamental disagreement with religious and political movements that promote “peaceful” altruistic behaviour, like Buddhism and Communism. Human emotion and behaviour comprises a very wide spectrum where no one point is ever frequently by the needle point for long. Nature trumps nurture every time. Isn’t it more honest and realistic to confess and eventually accept that oscillating in that spectrum is actually more natural than trying to stay at the golden end? We all have terrible and violent thoughts, but what sets us out from genocidal maniacs is whether we live them out, and vice versa for our angelic tendencies.

I don’t feel any obligation to be at peace with people, or to make them feel better. I don’t see why i should be expected to forgive or forget what someone’s done to wrong me or anyone else i know. I don’t have an obligation to bury the hatchet or make the peace. That doesn’t make me “evil”, it means i have a very real, genuine and realistic appreciation for my innate human capacity to hate as well as love, rather than pretend i’m some nicey-nicey person who always tries to keep everyone on side because life is short. Homo Sapiens isn’t designed as a diplomat, and to be honest isn’t great at it even when it tries. I don’t owe you anything and i don’t have to grant you forgiveness. In a lot of cases, peace is made out of cowardice and apathy. My sanity is more important than your feelings, and you take the consequences of your actions. If you offend me, expect a nasty reaction you won’t like, and don’t expect any mercy.

Anger is ultimately a neutral emotion, and can be expressed positively negatively. Its a natural reaction to perceived injustice and provides the necessary engage to effect a change, whatever that change may be. We can be magnanimous, dignified or self-righteous, but natural law and mother nature have their ways that have evolved over millennia. Ghandi may have preached that an eye for eye makes the whole world go blind, but that’s assuming we’re all meant to live side by side in the corn fields, hugging away and living in an equal playing field. I’d argue that’s empty hyperbole because this planet is based on survival of the fittest, as barbaric as it may be, and as much as i’d love to live in a paradise of higher spirituality. Tooth for tooth, blood for blood. You can make a million moral comments about fear and control, but no-one can argue they aren’t effective. If they do, its probably because they lost out.

Whether we like it or not, the success of the few is dependent on the relative failure of the many. There is plenty to go round for everyone, but its not in infinite supply. Knowing that and thinking that may make me a devil, but at least i have the option to wear an angel’s face when i say it. Comedy and tragedy come together as a package with their respective theatrical masks on the world’s daily stage. My fundamental point is that we are both.

Theoden: So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?
Aragorn: Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them.

Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers (Screenplay)