I’ve seen varying estimates about the percentage of human communication that is non-verbal, i.e. body language and other sensory factors - some put verbal communication (words/speech) at just a mere 8%, some put it at as much as 45%. Whatever the mathematics, the bottom line is clear: the overwhelmingly proportion of our communication with others is non-verbal. The tone/intonation of our voice, the way we stand and sit, where our eyes move, how our face contorts, our hand gestures, general appearance, physical reactions and even subtle signals like smell and taste affect how we relate to other people. The soul shines through the body and betrays us, despite our words. Or as my dearest mother puts it in terms of understanding the fairer sex, “A woman can say literally anything. Look at what she does, ignore what she says”.

Its also how we detect if someone is lying, putting on a front or remotely genuine. The “telepathy” and intuition that we hold in such wonder is the instant conclusion we reach subconsciously from putting all those factors together in microseconds. What others say and what they really think and/or feel can be so different and incongruous. Only when we are in the presence of another human, feeling and sensing them, can we discern the truth and have a meaningful and authentic exchange. OK, not always. Some people are really good with lying and their poker face.

If you were born between 1976 and 2000, you are part of “Generation Y” or the “Internet Generation”. In case you were wondering, “Generation X” that immediately precedes us includes anyone born between 1968 to 1981, so i’m fortunate enough to be part of both, or one who extrinsically crosses over into each hypothetical world. Our 1st world tech generation are the pioneers of the greatest communication boon the world has ever seen, but we’re also in danger of becoming more retarded than any other group in history. What marks us out as the most prodigious generation (or the recipient of Generation X’s greatest accompaniment) has the power to break us silently and gently. The kiss of death that kills with its kindness.

I’ve always believed that technology is a sterile tool that is neither good nor bad, but a means to an end that helps you enrich your life. It will never replace going down the pub with your friends, but it may just help you get there faster and bring more people with you. At one end of the scale you have the chronic luddites who defiantly refuse to engage in technology trends and believe it to be a social evil, and on the other you have the early adopting nerd collective who immerse themselves in gadgetry and e-life to the extent that they break down if the electricity gets turned off.

The problem is that people are using technology to avoid their real lives, not enrich them. They are hiding behind it to avoid engaging in meaningful social contact. Fantasy and reality are no longer separate. The proliferation of Web 2.0 social networking applications means the concept of having an online persona is slowly morphing into living your life online. For most, or those who live in moderation and have little need for additional fantasy and drama in their lives, it can be a distraction at worst. But for others, its a polluting and consuming world that becomes the basis of who they actually are or want to be. They live their entire lives based around electronic friend lists, chatrooms and instant messaging. In schools right now almost every kid has a mobile phone, a MySpace or Bebo page, an IM account and a series of computers to interact from.

We all know someone who is a recluse and shuns socialising on the weekends, but is weirdly addicted to the Internet. The same person who finds being with people in real life scary and difficult. The Internet gives them something to hide behind, and once they discover it, using it becomes obsessive as they become the person they wish they could be in that real life of theirs. In essence, the technology that is changing everything about our world is also breeding a generation of socially-retarded cowards.

We’re overloaded with emails all day. Many companies are now turning to wikis to stem the tide of interruption and inbox-clog that is ruining productivity. Wherever we go, someone can call us on our mobile. Our reputations are at risk through what others post about us or potential employers find lying around on the web. We can’t work without interruption unless our MSN is set to “appear offline”, and these sterile machines on the net mean the emotional games we play can be taken to a whole new level. Personally speaking, i get a lot of email about this site and its really lovely to get the feedback. But as i said to my 3am visitor when we first had any kind of conversation, i don’t use this thing for dating. I’m writing this stuff anyway, so why not publish it?

MySpace and other social sites are a place for people to be someone else - someone they’re not, someone they want to be or just a plain lie. I’m convinced that’s why Facebook, with its privacy tools and mechanisms for confirming you know the people in your friends list in real life (IRL), has seen such massive growth. Eventually you get sick of the stunts people pull and the silly fronts they put up that are ultimately designed to give you a very specific impression of them, most of the time which are wholly unrealistic and untrue. Its a field day for attention whores desperate for mass-scale validation but without the gall to pursue it in reality. My own anecdotal experiment of living in this rather sick little world that’s been created for e-kids left me feeling rather cheated, not to mention bruised and heavily disillusioned.

I never worried about meeting people off the Internet as it was just another way of communicating (especially for those who are shy or have niche interests), rather than some big evil fog of weirdness. I found out the hard way that certain corners of it are hotbed breeding grounds of psychosis and more importantly, liars and fantasists. Whilst it was fun to be swept up in the madness, it started to take over my real world. In any long-distance relationship, its very easy to develop a false or unrealistic view of someone - a fragile impression that falls apart once reality kicks in or the problems start. Ironically that relative anonymity that the Internet offers means people only open themselves up more than they would dare to in real life, which means you can end up feeling falsely close to someone and actually know more about them than anyone they see day to day. Sometimes that’s the sole reason some people use the Internet - to find random strangers they can confess to that they will never see.

Sending a text message comes before making a phone call where the other person can hear your voice, with the reasoning being that its easier to be “honest” and say what you feel without having to look someone in the eyes. Video conferencing has never taken off for one very simple reason - we like the anonymity of the phone, and to be open and vulnerable with the camera on us for the whole duration of the call is too disconcerting for anyone to buy into. The other person can’t see the expression on your face and its relatively easy to cover up your tone if needs be. Don’t call, don’t care. As the female love cliche goes. Somehow “Don’t MSN, don’t care”, doesn’t have the same ring or feel to it. The romance is lost when it loses its humanity.

I call instant messaging “2D” communication as all you can see are words. On the surface its a very useful and cheap way to keep in touch, and in some cases (particularly long-distance relationships, e.g. family in different countries, or having a husband in Iraq), but the danger is that it becomes the main or only form of communication. I’ve often seen 2 people sitting next to each other, or opposite each other send MSN messages rather than take their headphones off and talk normally. I’ve seen entire relationships carried out over MSN. I’ve also been told several times that there is nothing more to talk about because its already been “talked” about over MSN. Being someone who needs to be online 24/7 because of all the things he’s up to, i used to subscribe to the idea that it was useful. Not anymore. I’m close to banning it completely for anything else other than quick messages.

Let me repeat that for those who need to hear it. Chatting on MSN Messenger is NOT talking. Neither is text messaging. Get a grip.

Imagine what would happen if the electricity turned off or we were forced to spend time without our creature comforts in a foreign country. In the same way John Lennon sung, imagine a world without TVs, computers, email or mobile phones. There are moments i feel my own pure animal self - days that are testosterone-charged madness - that are so incredibly empowering simply because i can do whatever my mind can imagine without the need for a few hundred wires trailing around me. Businesses are made up of people. Romance is lived out with other people. Media and stage professions come alive through reacting to the people that perform, not just the background. We feel, we sense, we understand and we ultimately evolve through reaching out and touching other people. Technology is not an answer to the problem of having to deal with other humans, it is a way for us to communicate faster and with greater breadth. Nothing more. We have already taken it too far.

Its strange and fascinating that you can talk all you want electronically, but its as soon as you come face to face with another human that you suddenly realise that despite all the words that got exchanged, you never really talked at all.