Over at the fabulous MetaFilter, someone has asked an amazingly cool question: What little things do great friends do that sets them apart from others?

Some of the best answers are below:

Great friends are people who

• remember your preferences for food/drink stuff and always make your coffee the way you like it
• send you little fun stuff in the mail for no reason
•  remember things that are going on in your life and ask you about them
• have some magic ability to give advice when you want it and not when you don’t
• adjust to your level of feeling like you need a friend so if you’re in a bad place, they’re helpful and available, and if you’re busy they’re not overly needily trying to get some of your time
• have their own lives and friends that enrich yours
• don’t talk smack about all their other friends making you wonder if they talk that way about you when you’re not around
• introduce you to other people they think you might like, but also make time to spend time with you one on one
• have a general sense of your family situation and may ask about it without being obtrusive or stalkery
• say nice things for no reason. One of my minor adjustments for me trying to be a good friend is to make a real effort to compliment and also accept compliments gracefully
• don’t dredge up old bad situations and go over them endlessly. Good friends forgive or at least pretend to forget.
• turn the heat up when you are visiting [I live in New England, this is a HUGE thumbs up]
• are good talkers and listeners and are decent at adjusting when you are feeling like you need to be more one way than the other
• are proud of you and your accomplishments and say so
• don’t always expect 1:1 reciprocation for everything and don’t put you “on the clock” as soon as you ask a question or need advice in their professional specialty
• do things that require effort sometimes like give rides to the airport or helping move
• try to say yes instead of saying no, but can say no without it making you feel bad
• introduce you to new things without pushing you way outside your comfort zone [unless that's the sort of thing you like]
• can just hang out without there always being some sort of planned activity

The first piece of advice, from milarepa, can’t be stressed enough. I learned this in business from a great mentor; she always had the nicest things to say about *everyone*. I thought, “She can’t possibly think so-and-so is ‘brilliant’ or that person is ‘amazing’ at what they do.” In a candid moment, she conceded she didn’t, but no good ever comes of speaking ill of others. So, especially with friends, try hard to seek out their most positive qualities, and praise them often, both in their presence and to others.

Respect a secret. Goes without saying, so to speak.

Let go of things. There’s nothing more awkward than that ‘friend’ who remembers and every-so-often brings up that time 5 years ago when you missed his big birthday bash to attend a sales conference. People are imperfect; expect them to be so occasionally.

Just listen. There are times when being together means commiserating about how sh*tty both of your jobs are, and there are times when your friend just needs you to truly, activally listen to him about a rough patch without interjecting about your own troubles.

Send them birthday cards. Or a thank you note. In the mail. Like their grandmother used to do. It sounds Hallmarkian, but there’s something about receiving a piece of mail that opening an email will never, ever equal.

Give them unexpected compliments, out of the blue. I have a platonic girlfriend who, one time over lunch 13 years ago, smiled slightly and said, “You’ll be such a handsome guy as you get older. You look a little like Cary Grant.” I thanked her, and we went back to lunch. I still remember it, and it makes me feel good to this day. Be genuine, but again: seek out the best in others.

Choose wisely. You can’t devote the necessary time and energy it takes to be a good friend to a large audience of people. In my experience, it’s the quality of relationships that counts, not the quantity. So, decide who amongst your current crop of friends is worth this investment - typically, those who similarly reciprocate kind efforts - and apply what you’ve learned to them.

An admirable goal. I often “offer to help” rather than “step in and help,” and I think it is the “stepping in and helping” people that really show their caring. That is, it’s nice to tell someone who is in the process of moving that you’re available to help them move, but a friend who is being really thoughtful is more likely to simply act and provide something helpful, such as a gift certificate to a bed/bath store, or a freezable casserole for the early move-in days before kitchen tools are unpacked, or some DVDs to watch before the cable is turned on. I think it’s about really taking the time to think about what’s it’s like to be in the other person’s situation and what you would need were you in their shoes.

Never speak ill of people when they are not there, or for that matter, when they are there.

More: http://ask.metafilter.com/83444/Becoming-a-better-friend