My grandfather had a saying that he impressed heavily on my mum, and she in turn impressed upon me. It formed the core of who i am, and its a philosophy that has come to underwrite everything i say and do. Unknowingly my grandad Frank, who i never met and is revered by everyone in my family for his warmth, compassion, generosity, success and gregariousness, has come to be the shepherd of my life.

He used to say “life is a long road, and you can either shove other people off it or help them back up onto it.” (paraphrased). How very wise, and so very important. When you help them back up, they remember. They help someone else up and pass it on.

I’ve met some incredible people, as i wrote yesterday. People like Persia Pirelli, Krystle Gohel, Jentina Chapman, Kaylee Carver, Caroline Tiernan-Locke, Joby Rawlins and more. I have 2 obvious favourites - Persia and Chloe. Both amaze me with their drive, lust for life, consuming passionate fire and their vision to reach somewhere and something greater.

As Chloe and i were chatting today she mentioned she had written to the people who had helped her recently, and as i was thinking “i hope i get a mention someday”. I saw my name. It’s a beautiful piece of prose, and if you wanted to know why i do what i do and why i am the way i am, this is why. I have a million wonderful things to say about her, as she’s a shining star that will just keep burnign brighter if she gets the support she so richly deserves. And she’s a hotter version of Cassia Riley too, which is great.

Its been a while since I put pen to paper. In fact far too long. The creation of my lyrics have almost gone to waste, so forgive me, fingers whom like an abused love still linger around, for I have sinned.

Its currently 5am, Monday morning is on its way. Not that make any difference to my lifestyle. I treat everyday the same, don’t particularly prefer one day to the next, something I learnt to filter a long time ago, (that Sunday night dread of homework un-touched). Although I do particularly prefer days like this one. Where time doesn’t matter, nor does responsibility as such. I’m in control. I have found myself again. I lost myself for a while. I lost the ability to know myself, I lost that control.

I could credit myself for being strong enough to pull through, but I think maybe its time I should credit a few rarities in the world, I have been lucky enough to meet along my journey. The very same people who carried me through, and the very same people who woke me up. These special people, each have their name engraved across my heart, and to the people who have walked away I wish them all the luck in the world, naturally, but this isn’t a dedication to my loses nor is it a dig. It’s a dedication to my future, and to the people who deserve to be taken with me.

I am about to launch a band, a band I want to help define a generation. Something society has lost along the way. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for recycling, but I think I am ready to stir things up a little. My desire is to try something new, I wont fail.…… that’s the beauty of it. This newness has nothing to compare too. Its fresh. Its exciting. it’s the future, it certainly isn’t the past. So here goes.

To the friend who is a teacher, who teaches children how to move their bodies. He teaches children how to move their minds, and every time I feel his warmth, he moves me. He taught me how to find myself again.

To the friend who is a designer, who designs the most amazing array of clothes known to man. He teaches me to design my own thoughts. I recently asked him for advice. He knows what he said, I know what he said and one day soon thousands of others will.

To my girls who carried me through. Simply.

……. And finally to the person who has found me. Found my potential and without warning, drew it out. He has taught me I have the power to change things, infact I can do as I please with whatever pleases me. I can stretch, mould and squash whatever is in my wake, but the best part about it, is I can do it with all the people who deserve to be in my future. Each of them will contribute the upbringing of my secret love child ( The BlueShoes Band) although that name is soon to be scrapped. After all I can do as I please J

But most importantly I am learning through the wise words of the one who found me. “I’m only just getting started. I have more fire under the hood that I can express in words. Every success is making me more rabid than I was the second before. The plans keep getting bigger.” (Alex Cameron, 5000+ offended since 2007)

So now, 5:30 am, day light spilling in, I am about to pour myself onto him. My Secret love child.

I don’t deserve it, but i’ll take it anyway.