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Oct

tim hamilton’s reel truth in advertising

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Black Arts, Business, Life, Misc, Rants and Wisdom

When you think of short film, or web video, for some reason your mind wanders to artsy abstract movies that don’t have a point, any characters or just are utter shit. It can lead you to believe that all that’s out there is Hollywood. But the one thing the web is good for is producing work that is unregulated, so you can get away with whatever you want, and all the things you couldn’t do on broadcast.

In 1999, Tim Hamilton released “Truth In Advertising” which is a bit like “Liar, Liar” where everyone in an advertising agency says what they really think and mean instead of the laye of bullshit they indulge in every day.

It’s a work of genius and some of the most amazing writing you’ll experience for a long time to come.

And 3 years later…

If you like it, you can buy the original DVD from Amazon here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00006JO3C/

Oct

a stormy foreclosure of insecure authority

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Business, Jedi Skills, Life, Rants and Wisdom

The strange weeks continue and script 2 is well underway. Jase got married, Shaun is leaving for Vegas to get married, Kim gave birth to a girl, Chloe had a car accident, Jess is in Syria, Jack’s in the new AC/DC video, Franki’s left for LA, Dean is locked in at Heathrow, Stroop’s off to Australia and it just carries on. In a few months i will be in Jerusalem toasting that the first 30 bullshit years are done.

Today i also heard some very sad news. A body was found in Radford Park in Liphook, where i always used to walk every day (and still do when i visit). After speaking to Nat i found out it was an old friend of mine called Oli Softley who i used to hang around with occasionally back in the day. He became homeless and was living out of a tent in the woodland, and it seems his drug problem finally got the better of him as a walker found him dead. It’s scary how many of my friends died young. I’ve got used to it. although i know i shouldn’t be.

In case you hadn’t realised it yet, things really are very doom and gloom. If you study the history, you’ll find that despite the differing conditions in terms of war etc, the economic environment is very similar to that of the Great Depression of the 1930s. Now’s not the time to be stubborn and resistant about it, as you’ve already lost enough. The most important thing to know about the depression is that it started years before people noticed it. The main effects of the economic collapse only started to bite badly around 1935, when unemployment reached 25%.

9000 banks went bust back then. The climate of the day was one of “false prosperity” where moneylending was rampant and everything was financed on debt (ring any bells?), In the last few weeks we have seen the nationalisation of Northern Rock and Bradford & Bingley, the near-collapse of HBOS through deposit withdrawal, and RBS is down 50%. Tonight the government pledged to increase our national debt by a third of our GDP (400BN) to part-nationalise and underwrite the debts of a whole raft of high-street banks, which out every household in the UK in for £13,000. The Americans just did a 700BN bail-out. This is total fucking madness.

It’s like trying to hold a cupboard’s doors shut when there is too much stuffed inside that keeps collapsing back onto you.

The reason i’m writing about it is more and more people are asking me what to do. I’m no maths or economics genius, and to be honest i’m not sure. But what i do understand is the basic laws of business and survival, as i learned them in blood, fire and anguish. There are a lot of very lost and frightened people out there at the moment not sure if they’ll have a job in a few weeks or whether they’ll lose their home.

Let’s start with the bad news. Recessions, slowdowns and depressions always last a hell of a lot longer than we expect them to. We’re talking 5-10 years. There is a very good likelihood that you will lose your job and possibly your home. In the very least your standard of living will drop and you will have major troubles working out how to keep all the things you have now on the income you have. We’re at the beginning of the cycle and it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. We will have a lot of false positives on the economic curve – it’ll seem like it’s getting better, but then it will crash again. The point of a depression is that even though it goes up and down, the figures are always below a certain line – trading and throughput is depressed.

So what can you do?

First, you need to start jettisoning excess baggage and trim the fat.

The people who have loaned you money will want it returned because they think you won’t be able to pay it back and also need the cash themselves – banks, credit card companies, loan/finance firms, retail stores and others. Get your debts paid off fast and get out now. Now is not the time to go out spending and racking up more debts. If you have serious debts you need to consolidate them and get a plan worked out for the worst case scenario. If you own a business, the bank won’t loan you anything and your customers won’t have much money to spend on you.

Next you need to ditch all your superfluous expenditure – all the luxurious shit you don’t need. That means getting rid of Sky and Virgin Media for a Freeview box, and a cheaper telephony provider other than BT. Bye bye magazine and DVD subscriptions (read it online), gym membership (create a plan of exercise in the open), expensive life insurance and more. If it’s not essential, get rid of it. Sell your car with the repayments and get something cheaper. Sell what you can now whilst the price is still reasonable and cattle panic-sell and flood the market. Use the bus. If you like spending £200 on a meal, then it’s premium organic fruit and veg and a new cookery course.

The first wave of people hit will be those in retail (as they rely on people paying with credit/store cards) and finance (for obvious reasons). Recruitment will be frozen everywhere, and then the job losses will start, You need to look at your job and see how depression-proof it is, and maybe changing career temporarily to something safer for up to a decade. Think i’m kidding? I’m not.

If you work for a moneylender (including leasing companies), get out right now. It doesn’t matter how good you are at your job or how indispensable you are, it’s about how well the company is fairing and how good the CFO is. Your qualifications mean nothing on the company’s balance sheet.

Your house value is going to decrease, and so is your ability to pay back your mortgage. So if you bought high, you’re in for some serious shit. If you don’t have a lot of equity (less than 10%), it’s time to think about selling up and taking on more flexible arrangements. Now is the time to think about that travelling around the world you always wanted to do for a bit and missing out the carnage. If you do decide to travel and sit it all out, register yourself as non-domicile with HMRC and set up a savings account to put 10% of what you earn overseas into for when you come back and look for a job.

Look at a second/back-up career or a second home-based business (e.g. eBay) to top up your income. If you’re smart, you’ll see lots of stuff coming on to the market very cheaply that you can snap up and make a great profit from. Get on a training course and extend your working day to bring in more cash. Don’t rely on your main job, and don’t rely on the company you work for’s assurances. They give you the “we’re in a great position” talk to fend off competitors backchat and stop shareholders from pulling out their investments. It’s all bullshit and you’ll be the last to know.

When others start jettisoning the excess baggage, they will try and sell everything they can, including all the stuff they bought on loans and credit cards. It’s an opportunity to pick things up very cheap. So wait for all the lemmings to sell their stuff, as they’ll take any price. And that is business markets 101 – buy low, sell high. Just wait it out. The cattle have bought high, and will be selling low out of panic to get money to keep up the payments on their house. That’s also an interesting point – if you haven’t bought yet, wait. There will be a whole wave of repossessions and you can get a place for 20% of what your trendy “property ladder” friends paid.

And that is why i personally haven’t bought a house yet.

As panic sets in, everyone will try to raise prices in a desperate bid to raise revenue. Household bills will go up, rent will get high and customer service will be slimmer. It’s a blip. Give it time and they will all lower prices once their existing customer bases deserts because they can’t afford it. It’ll keep getting lower so just wait.

It goes without saying not to put your money into stock markets or PE-based start-up companies. Invest in physical wealth (true wealth – things that retain their value) and unusual areas, like entertainment. You can’t afford to speculate. When times are hard, you can guarantee people will drink more, take more drugs, gamble more, watch more shit TV, fight more and commit more crime. Movies make great returns. Art grows its value. Gold is the all-time security. Debt collectors will be making a lot of money. If you make an investment now, it will be a long-term one and you can’t expect to cash out or make a return for a decade.

Most companies will look to save money, so they will outsource what they can. If you’re a computer programmer, it’ll be cheaper to hire someone from India or the Baltic states. If you make things in the factory, it’ll go to China, as it already is. If you’re a project manager, someone else’s job will get doubled up and yours will go. If you’re in recruitment, no-one is recruiting – move on. Don’t start a business that offers obscure or new products or one in a different market. Adapt your sales strategy to appeal to your customers need to save money. Don’t get involved in anything that involves customer’s spending excess cash as they won’t have it.

Whether or not you take your money out of a bank is up to you, but i’d be inclined to spread assets. The Bank of Ireland is guaranteeing 100% of savings, unlike the limit of £35k in the UK. If the bank collapses, you’re going to lose your money. Even if the government guarantees it, you won’t see it for a long time. The government’s backup is linked to the economy – if the economy goes, so does the government’s bonds.

What you need to understand is that cash does not have a constant value, and it only constitutes less than 5% of the money system. There is a very distinct difference between wealth and cash. A painting you own that is worth 500k won’t deviate and it is an asset. You sell that asset to exchange it for generated cash you can use. Cash in the bank is not security – physical wealth is. Put your money into wealth that is sustainable and will act as a preservative for your money.

You need to get a plan going, and face the things you don’t want to face. This is uncomfortable so you will procrastinate and find anything else to do other than work out what to do. You need to have 3 plans – a) if it stays the same, b) for when it gets worse, and c) the very worst case scenario. The sooner you deal with it, the less you will lose. Yes, it may be an inconvenience, but bankruptcy and homelessness is a lot more of an inconvenience.

If you think this is drastic, think back to last year when i wrote about the banks “battening down the hatches”. Everyone i know who is very rich or materially wealthy who can afford good advice pulled their money out a long time ago because they knew what was about to happen. That’s why they are still wealthy and very secure.

A lot of the way i have lived in the last few years have been about this depression. I didn’t buy a house, maintain a constant home or work for a corporate employer. I sold my business whilst i was ahead, have never trusted debt or credit of any form, and am actually financially conservative in terms of my resistance to buying high. Perhaps the reasoning behind many of my decisions will become clearer now and there will be less of the cynicism about my motives and so called “achievements”.

I saw a lot of this coming and reconciled my position by thinking ahead for the next 10 years. I didn’t buy a house when the price was sky high as everyone i know did, as i’m waiting for it to go bottom-low during re-possession time like a vulture. I didn’t saddle myself with debts and vaults of consumer high street bullshit because i knew it would be impossible to repay once the credit boom wave broke. You have to see the big picture and understand where you are going instead of just reacting in the moment blindly. If i want to get married and have kids, there was no way i was doing it having bought high, lost all my money and in the middle of a recession. Better to consolidate, wait, and do it when the cycle turns so my family are more secure.

If i am going to have a family, i want their home set on a rock foundation of stone rather than being a rudderless ship in a storm-drenched ocean. True security for me is not about wealth, it is about smart decision-making, conservative management and planning ahead. It’s about doing your research, choosing the right timing and being wise. You may not be able to anticipate everything, but the economic and scientific laws that govern us allow us to offset enough of the risk to avoid the worst of the trouble. I will never allow my wife, kids or extended family to know the pain and vulnerability i felt of losing your security, or the pain i will feel for allowing them to get anywhere near it.

I’ve learned a lot in the last few weeks about leadership, and the most profound part of it being the massive responsibility towards others that you have. Kate was telling me a story about her and her mum frantically locking up the house and hiding when they heard noises in their back garden, and i remarked that what they needed was the strength and presence of a man in the house to fend off the burglar in the dark at 3am.

It was around then when i saw what Virgilio said in a clearer light about most people being helpless and vulnerable – they put their trust in authority and look up to leaders for hope. When you fail, so do the hearts of those who look to you for strength, confidence and security. I realised that i spent the first 30 years of my life scared, untrusting and being betrayed by corrupted authority for one very simple reason – so that when i became an authority, i would never let the same thing happen to those who put their trust and hope in me.

“For the heart of the king is in the hand of the Lord.”

Oct

zeitgeist II: addendum & the venus project

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Black Arts, Business, Jedi Skills, Life, Rants and Wisdom

Every so often something comes your way that changes the way you think about life, the planet, the world and humanity itself. Maybe that’s someone dying, making a million, having a child or just waking up to something new that you never saw before. Tonight i was doing some research on the similarities of the Great Depression of the 30s to the current “credit crunch” after we discussing the very scary thought that the conditions we are walking into now are very similar to those that allowed Adolf Hitler to come to power.

And i remembered Jim mentioned Zeitgeist II was coming out in October. So i loaded it up out of curiosity. Although i may not agree with everything said in it, my world changed tonight. My thinking shifted. Essentially it illustrates how monetary systems work, why we have wars and drug problems, and how the need to profit has ruined almost everything we know. It’s very similar to what Sir Ken Robinson said in his TED.com talk about modern education systems being created to meet the needs of industrialisation and slanted in favour of training worker bees rather than encouraging creativity. Money and debt are the same - without debt, there is no money. Debt is a means of power.

We’ve heard all that before of course. What’s proposed here is very simple and provocative: we no longer have any need for money, so let’s just get rid of it and replace it with something more effective and beneficial.

Consider that for a second. What would a world without money look like? Curious? Watch it.

Zeitgeist: Addendum
http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

You have grown up in a monetary system that only evolved a few hundred years ago. You know nothing else. Open your mind for a second. What if we eradicated money and the monetary system? Can you conceive in your mind of world where money doesn’t exist like it was for all time except the last few centuries?

“In a world where 1% of the population owns 40% of the planet’s wealth, where 34,000 children die every single day from poverty and preventable diseases, and where 50% of the world’s population lives on less than $2 USD a day, one thing is very clear - something is very wrong.”

None of that is going to be solved by money. Money is what causes it.

No buying things or bills. No advertising. No jobs or labour. Everything we need available as something exchanged or for free. It’s an upgrade to a more advanced operating system for humanity. Solve the problems by taking out the root instead of just fighting fires and coping with them.

What an idea. What a vision.

The premise is equally simple. The earth already has everything we need. 70% of the earth is water. Plant and animal life is self-sustaining for food. The sun, earth’s core and weather are self-sustaining energy sources that can provide all our electricity needs. Work can be automated with machines. Technology is the key (and only) factor that improves quality of life, and it comes freely from human ingenuity and creativity if the resources are available.

Funnily enough, it’s a key theme in Star Trek. The assumed history is that money was just a very primitive way of doing things and was actually the cause of the planet’s problems that was being used as a way to cure itself, which is absurd. In a few hundred years, will the generations study us in total disbelief that we were so basic, neanderthal and outdated as to live around a monetary system?

To appear credible, you need an alternative. One of those alternatives is a resource-based economy proposed by the Venus Project think-tank.

What is a “resource-based economy”?
Simply stated, a Resource-Based Economy utilizes existing resources rather than money and provides an equitable method of distributing these resources in the most efficient manner for the entire population. It is a system in which all goods and services are available without the use of money, credits, barter, or any other form of debt or servitude.

Read more about the Venus Project here:
http://www.thevenusproject.com/

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti

Oct

because thinking and vulnerability makes it so

By Alex Cameron 1 Comment

Categories: Jedi Skills, Life, Rants and Wisdom

It’s a fairly safe bet that if things go quiet on the blogging front, i’m wrapped up in something i’m enjoying. And yes, i am happy. I write more when i need to get things out of my system, typically bad stuff that has no other constructive outlet. I’ve been so deeply engrossed in writing scripts and stories for movies and TV that nothing else really matters. I have all the things i wanted and although it’s not a matter of feeling unstoppable, there is a certain peace that comes from understanding who you are and what you were born to do. It’s strange that when you do what you were meant to, everything else seems superfluous. I’m in love with many things (and people) and when that happens, i just want to lap it up rather than blast it to the world.

I’ve learnt in the last few weeks that i think in dialogue. 2 weeks ago i had never even seen a script, let alone write one. It’s supposed to take a minimum of 12 weeks but with the help of the most talented young screenwriters around, we put together one of the best in less than 7 days. I get people telling me they are feeling like Michael, or how they can’t get the movie out of their head from thinking of all the things that could make it better. They want to know his background and feel like he is real. What was one film is now a series with a template. Tomorrow i will release the next one, entitled “Salvation For April”.

Prophecy is secretly being built in the City completely organically, and will be available on fiber-optics next year.

We have 68 writers (with more registering every day), 38 scenes, 1040+ edits and a script of 87 pages containing more than 20,000 words. And it just keeps pouring out. The way it has inspired those around it is amazing. Just having the freedom to get it wrong has opened up a Pandora’s box of possibilities for those who didn’t have the confidence beforehand. We’re now thinking of ditching the commercial soundtrack and helping musicians too by holding a MySpace contest to get unsigned tracks onto the film. Incredibly talented young people (even Edward, who is 16) have a chance when no-one else is prepared to give them one.

Helping one person isn’t good enough for me anymore. I’m batching it into large groups so we can help crowds en masse. The more people we help, the more successful we will be.

Joby inspires me massively simply as he thinks so similarly to me. He hates people telling him what can be done or how it should be done, and he shares my vision. I’ve seen his excitement grow with everyone else’s from all over the world. He knows exactly what to do and has already shot the film in his head, and we both chose identical-looking actresses for Sarah’s part, which is just spooky. We sat in the Royal Festival Hall talking through how great it would be to have a launch of the movie there. And i guarantee you, we will. Him and i are going to enjoy a very long and successful partnership making a long list of films that are critically acclaimed.

Joby also taught me something else this week because of his problems with hypoglycaemia. One of its symptoms is nosebleeds. If you have starved yourself and are running down low on blood sugar, your nose will often start bleeding as a warning.

I have no idea how most people live. I look back on this year and i have this list of things i’ve gone nuts with - a cerebral haze of creativity that keeps getting more prolific. We did the Killstream demos, published Rockstar 2.0, i wrote 2 books, designed over 20 TV programs, dated famous glamour models and now am on a new series of 1hr drama movies. There were millions of little things in between of course as well and there is still more to come (including my autobiographical movie of the first 30 years of my life). Next year we embark on 21CC, which is a massive project.

Without wanting to sound harsh as we all have our own parts to play, when i ask myself what others have done in their lives, the answer is absolutely nothing. A year has gone by and they are still in the same jobs, visiting the same places and sitting in the shit of their own mistakes – this tedious routine of unbearable monotony. They are just there, getting up every day and living on coma auto-pilot. Maybe that’s OK for a lot of people but it’s a short route to madness for me. It’s not that i have to crazy busy every moment of the day, but i have to be creating, sifting ideas, exploring the world and revel in meaning to feel happy and content. I’m in great haste to enjoy my life and do as much as i can before i’m called home.

Maybe i need to design a board game next. How hard can it be?

Everywhere i go and everything i do is a documentary. Everything counts towards a film. My sis said to me that i was “full of films”, and she’s right. I am bursting with movies for every second of every person’s day everywhere. The process is extraordinary, but most importantly, movies change people’s minds and hearts, and you can get away with things in film that TV would never allow on its most liberal of scheduling times. We get to go up in a helicopter and blow things up, and get paid for it. Not only is this “work”, it’s worth billions and will make us all very wealthy indeed, very quickly.

But there’s a wonderful irony – none of us give a shit about the money. It’s nice, but it’s not the motivator. Passion for bringing ideas and points to life through dramatic visualisation is. The magic of doing it doesn’t have a price. It’s just conveniently something that makes a hell of a lot of money, so if you love doing it and do it very well because you’re very passionate, the money crashes in like a continuous barrage of low-flying silver clouds.

I’ve turned the rants in my head into script dialogue, and when i write stories and scripts now i am simply describing the movie as i pause, rewind and play it in my head that i pieced together in logical sequences. All things are created twice, as Stephen Covey so rightly observed. Getting it out theatrically is totally fulfilling and cathartic exercise with a very uncomfortable by-product – it leaves me with no desire to write on my fucking blog. I can speak through characters and illustrate points and things i learn through situations and story morals as they are actually more powerful than simple prose.

There’s no doubt that the last 2 weeks have been some of the most negative in a long time, with my mum’s biggest client terminating her contract, my sister surviving a nasty car accident and the violence i was involved in recently that left my attackers with shattered arms and ligaments. Somehow i escaped with barely a scratch, as if i had a shield. I wish i could say more on it but until the legal ramifications are clear it’s wiser for me to stay away from it. Everyone who i care about got a private blog explaining the chaos anyway. Until then, dear reader who i don’t know, you unfortunately shall have to wait.

The sheer positivity around me is also inspiring, and i’ve noticed that it is even more infectious than others’ misery. Thankfully i’m now almost allergic to victims and naysayers and can barely stand their company. People like Caroline, Vikki (who is in this week’s Nuts as Bedroom Babe), Vanessa, Sapphira, and the hilariously gorgeous and uber-special Chloe are a joy to speak to. You make them feel positive, they make you feel positive, and the whole world just seems easy, even when it’s hard. You speak faith into each other’s lives and there is nothing you can’t do or achieve when there is encouragement all around you.

Caroline’s positivity is so overwhelming and electrifying – i don’t think i’ve ever known a chick who is so driven and enthusiastic. Watching Chloe drunkenly doing martial arts at 3am with Piers has got to rate as one of the most absurd and bizarre things i’ve been privy to for a long time.

That kind of positive and wilful attitude is such a tiny and short leap of discipline but most people just can’t grasp it. They are so entranced and focused on problems that they never see the other 350 degrees of the rest of the circle. Their perspective on things is so narrow that they can’t see any other side to it. When they wake up they get on their own constructed carousel – the daily routine they drag themselves through that is only broken up by arguments, cheating, cheap holidays or a tawdry and soulless Saturday night drowning themselves in alcohol desperately trying to feel special.

What really touched me is that Virgilio came all the way down from our home turf in Clapham to Liphook just to see me and my sister play. We spent the hours after talking over how we were going to go about producing Chloe’s brother’s band and many other spiritual topics like Mentalism and the natural magic of music. He showed me a perspective whilst i was ranting about sheeple and people who do mindlessly stupid things and are too proud to admit it. I called them dumb.

He corrected me. He said “no, not dumb. Vulnerable.”

And he is entirely right. I’ve got too used to criticising and haven’t seen the real story – that most people are not into self-governing and are fundamentally lost. They say a leader without followers is just a guy going for a walk. I am so hard-headed, and as i learned recently, able to withstand massive physical, mental and emotional assault that i assume everyone is the same. Rejection never, ever phases me, and i forget how devastating it can be. Conflict makes me salivate when it scares the life out of most people. When you only have your own frame of reference to guide you it can be easy to lost track expect everyone to have the same resistance as you.

You have to make your choices, and mine are solidifying. When you grow up through your teens and 20s, you are brainwashed into trying to fit in with everyone and everything else, and into respecting everyone’s right to believe what they want. A few more years and you begin to realise that a considerable majority of people in this world, a hardcore minority, have already chosen sides whether you like it or not. Staying on the fence only benefits them, so of course they, and the other cowards around you, insist you must be tolerant.

But the truth is that this planet will never be at peace. There will always be those who choose to do evil or just plainly fuck things up because they are incompetent. They will always exist and they will triumph if not challenged. They have already chosen, and you need to make your own choice and decide who you are and where you stand. Some people’s beliefs are just simply wrong – do you agree we should tolerate everyone’s? Is it ok for paedophiles to believe children lead them on, or for leaders like Robert Mugabe to torture political opponents?

Well the first step in your recovery program is to accept that it is not right to outrightly respect everyone’s “right” to hold their own opinions and beliefs.

There is too much wrong is this world for you to give up and sit around doing nothing. You have to stand up and sort it out. There is too much evil in this world for you not to get up and fight it. You can stand in the middle trying to make peace with everyone – if we did that in World War II, we’d all be speaking German. There will always be those who do evil and who fuck up the things that need to be right. They stay that way until we take responsibility and kick ass to deal with it. That means enforcing your will and beliefs on others. Get over it. We’re right, they’re wrong.

It’s childish to live your life expecting everyone to just get along. You have no control over the bad choices of others, but you can oppose and limit the damage they do.

And that goes for the way people think, just as much as it does for how they act. I can’t get over how negative the vast majority are. It’s so utterly pointless. If only they could hear themselves. The excuses and reasoning is so corrupt and nonsensical that you can’t help but feel sorry for the endless muddle they always end up in. Add pride and stubbornness into the mix, and you have a very nasty stew.

It comes down to a simple principle: you can’t expect to live a happy, positive and fulfilled life if you maintain a negative mindset.

It seems so simple. If that’s the case, how you haven’t got it yet? That plasma Tv you bought on your credit card isn’t going to bring you happiness if the person watching it is as dull and as dishwater or the proverbial second coat of paint. Don’t expect to find emotional or spiritual fire in cheap throwaway magazines or pathetic material conquests like seducing unavailable men. When you think about it, it’s a little short-sighted and ridiculous, isn’t it? And there’s no reason or rhyme not to choose to see the positive sides of a situation, as it doesn’t mean you are naively ignoring the bad. Choice means seeing them both, and deciding which to go with. Only seeing the bad is not a choice, it is a compulsion.

And i guess that is what fascinates me - we choose our beliefs. We choose what to belief. Most people act as if beliefs and attitudes are enforced on them somehow and circumstances demand their thoughts and feelings are under the control of anyone but themselves. We choose. We see the sides and we choose what we believe and think. It’s a great wisdom and powerful insight once you reason it, and also extremely liberating.

Which side of a situation do you choose to let occupy your thoughts and heart? What do you believe, and what controls that belief? Do you choose to fixate on only the tiny slither representing the bad, the frightening, the painful and the limiting, or do you see the rest of the circle and the big picture? Do you choose to seek out the good, and block out the bad? Thoughts become strongholds, that live like cancerous toxic growths holding us down and keeping us ill. Do you choose your condemnation for yourself, or do you fight for your mind and heart by deliberately centring on the good in any situation?

As Shakespeare so rightly wrote, there is no good or bad, only thinking makes it so.

Sep

my not-so-open letter to channel 4

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Business, Jedi Skills, Life, Rants and Wisdom

Today i wrote to a very senior person i know at Channel 4 who is head of their Specialist Factual department but as it became broader in its scope and is philosophy-defining it deserved a re-print here. Names and details are omitted, naturally.

————————————————————-

Thanks for your responses to the format proposals i submitted last week via the 4Producers/EWorks system. I didn’t want to flood your inbox with replies to each so i’ve combined them all into a single mail here. I appreciate they came through as a lump rather than a flow.

We were saddened by the rejection of Chris Morris’s latest series. But we’re also very surprised as they would seem to have a natural home at C4. I can imagine it must be hard to make decisions to trust program formats where the company behind them has so little track record despite a fantastic-looking team. It must also be difficult to see credibility when decisions on talent are left open and not tied up on the ticket. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you to get good quality programming generated in your department onto the schedule when the constant internal pressures seem to be for “tabloid” content.

Before any proposals or pitches are made for films or programs, we put them in front of a focus group of 500 people from 16-40 in different places and demographics to get an idea as to which are most popular. It may not seem much but it’s 10% of BARB’s capacity of 5000 or so and ultimately staying close to the customer is what keeps us all in business and ensures viewership. In all of our studies the same feedback is arriving – a boredom/intense dislike of reality TV and tabloid content. Our research (and others) seems to suggest that people are just watching it because “there’s nothing else on”. They are dying for something better. They want more interesting and challenging programming that is as entertaining as it is thought-provoking. They feel patronised. I cannot over-emphasise how many times we are all approached and told how fed up those customers are. What we have done is listen to the viewers and give them what they want, and reassured them that broadcasters care and will be faithful to that demand because the last thing they want viewers to feel is that they are monopolistically abused.

I think i’ve identified a number of themes which i’d like to address with the same candour, if you would allow me to.

The first is concerning underestimation of the tasks involved. I’m fortunate in having built a team that has successfully delivered programming for the likes of Discovery and the BBC that has taken considerably more than “Dark Nature” or “Worldchangers” requires to achieve the dynamic you rightly point out. Both myself and Joanne Reay have run and exited multi-million pound companies and part of that success has arguably been managing resources and cashflow, as well as finding ways to accomplish great things without necessarily having the greatest means. The awkward truth i’ve come to see, especially in TV production, is that production companies frequently bloat their budgets to squeeze as much money out of broadcasters as they can – a good example being a spec document my friend at a web agency received recently from Fremantle for £30k for a simple website that could have been built in 48hrs for 5% of the cost with the right software and expertise. This kind of thing is implicit everywhere in media, but from experience, we don’t just believe, but know, that the amount of money being claimed just isn’t needed. Yes, there are great pressures, but effective management of resources, personnel and processes mean that we can operate at a more efficient level, and of course we will come in and pitch low because we’re hungrier and want the business. The cheaper we do it, the more programming you can re-commission us for.

The second is talent. Even though none of us deny the need for programs to have talent as a draw, one thing we all share in our team is a resistance to celebrity-reliant programming. It seems these days that formats are created by getting a bunch of them together and building a show around it, as it’s what seems to draw in the crowd. Our belief is that the people, the story and the subject material are what compels the audience and tells the story and the talent points in the direction of the story, which is central. We believe genuinely excellent presenting talent generates and casts a spotlight on guests and featured parts of a story rather than stealing it for themselves, and is part of a bigger story or issue that has importance to us all. For our own part we want discover and nurture new talent, and we know broadcasters will always want to discuss it (and a lot of the time have an idea that might be more effective that we missed), so we leave it open to show our willingness to work together in partnership.

The third and last is about being conceptual. Tabloid content is like a greasy hamburger – it might ease the hunger, but if you had your choice, you’d order a cordon bleu fillet steak with champagne. And it never fills you up. We want to look deeper and ask what the hunger is and why it’s there. We’re going into a recession and its hard time for everyone, and of course nobody wants to get home to more doom and gloom when they switch on. But being hungry doesn’t mean you want a hamburger if you had the choice, even though you might take it if there was no other food around or if it was the first thing on offer. Escapism doesn’t have to be mindless – it can mean becoming lost in a new subject, topic, area, story, character, premise or moment. Difficult or deeper topics don’t have to be less entertaining, as our approach is about finding new ways to show new angles on well-explained things (e.g. drug chemists/labs rather than social impact). It’s riskier to commission programming for the minority who aren’t over the 100 point IQ barrier than to consider your audience to be intelligent and discerning. Most people spend 9 hours a day in a job they hate with their brains switched off, and aren’t resistant at all to being challenged and inspired to think by learning and experiencing new things. They do want ideas. They want concepts. Movies are based on concepts and premises. Thinking is refreshing. Discovering new things is refreshing. They want to learn and to care. They want the variety that allows them to delve into narrower places than simple “broad appeal”.

Dan Chambers may have been a famous casualty of the “upmarket” sting at Five but where i believe he got it wrong was that the programming wasn’t dramatic or pushy enough to compel viewers. Our formula is one where for each step up in the intellectual/emotional stakes may possibly alienate the audience, so the entertainment/adrenaline factor needs to go up 2 steps each time in parallel.

While i’m at it i probably should say that there is also the issue about formats being “original” or differentiated enough, as this seems to be a recurrent theme in commissioning documentation. I don’t believe there is such a thing as true originality, but i do believe there are more ideas and angles than we could ever cover and we will never run out. Experience dictates that competition means a viable market with demand and interest, and there is a very mesmerising cognitive dissonance in broadcasters being picky about originality when they only seem to commission programming in trends or that have similar/safer/tested themes and structures. Celebrity dog training may be funny in what appalling drivel it is, but it’s the bottom of a very short barrel that people at home are forced to drink from.

Ultimately we believe the need/hunger is for meaning, as i included with the pitch notes. In hard times like the credit crunch, we need to understand. We search for meaning. We lust for it like automatons. In all of the darkest periods, we reach out to learn why, not how or what. Understanding gives us comfort and hope, and satisfies that hunger. New ideas broaden and compel us to change our lives and communicate them to others – it’s a licence to be excited by what we are being shown. Being captivated by imagination, having new angles and topics illustrated to us and falling in love with what’s on the screen is the most compelling of all entertainment and escapism, and becoming more by being educated and feeling inspired is the greatest loyalty ticket any broadcaster can command. Ofcom may be heavy-handed when it comes to being objective, but why should we be if we are prepared to tell the audience we are making a case for one side and sparking off the debate? Daring to be masterful and stepping out to present programming in a dramatic and original way that allows us to discover and find joy in new unknown talent must be the most powerful incentive to turn keep the channel on and tune back in again. The joy of being surprised has been lost in television somehow over the last years.

I hope you will take these remarks in the humble way they are intended; 24 million disenfranchised households out there are looking for leadership and hope that only you can provide, and are qualified to release to them. I also hope that you will see that Devils Lane is a company that will give you truth in its (possibly unsolicited) counsel rather than telling you what you want to hear to get the cheque, and i say it to engender trust – i’d rather sell the Big Issue than do something we don’t believe in, but more importantly, that the audience don’t believe in. All it takes is for one commissioner or company to publish a program that does buck the tabloid trend and causes viewers to flood en masse when they are given the chance for everyone to follow suit – just as it happened with the first reality TV programs. The question is who that will be and when, and who the losers will be after they all pile in. I sent in Backstreet Kitchen against my better judgement as i want to get it out of the optioning processing at the BBC before it becomes re-shaped into another lame tabloid drugs program.

We’re in the midst of making an incredible movie called “Michael’s Resignation” inspired by the collapse of Halifax, and i would love to send you over the material once we have finished the edit as i believe it embodies all we are about and will illustrate our production kudos very well – it’s a 1hr Hollywood-style feature done ground-breakingly cheaply with the best young director in the UK that is truly innovative and unbelievably emotional and intense. I know for certain that no broadcaster would dare show it because of how wrenching and challenging it is, but from the interest we have in it already (which is getting out of control) that won’t be an issue when it comes to distribution.

I don’t know you well enough to know if you share the same values (although i suspect you do as you are as powerful as you are), but please do pass what i’ve said along if you do. I would love to get engaged in some vibrant debate and exchange thoughts, and it would be great to keep the dialogue open. When it comes down to it, we share a common interest and passionate vision – one to set the bar much higher and aim for a historical career of extraordinarily engrossing, headline-grabbing and world-changing television that affects the lives of millions of people.

I know this letter is very long so i can only thank you for taking the time to read it, and i hope it has perhaps given you a new perspective on our philosophy and why we are so different to other format houses and production shops. I didn’t get into business to give up easily and none of us have ever failed in what we set up to do because of underlining what we do with passion and integrity. I know those are central C4 values, hence why i know we’re naturally paired and ready for when you see the right time to punch through the grey skies of mediocrity that are out there now for those fresher sparkling pastures where watching TV is a life-changing experience.

Alex

Sep

smivadee talks daytime talk shows

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Life, Rants and Wisdom

Viikki (Nuts Mag 30th Sept) recently introduced me to Matt Smith, aka Smivadee. I’ve become a huge fan. His videos are a great example of how to do something big with limited resources, be creative in a unique personal way and get yourself noticed. The guy’s funny as hell and incredibly dynamic.

Take a look for yourself.

More:
http://www.smivadee.com/

Sep

caroline’s q&a: getting to know each other

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Jedi Skills, Life, Misc, Rants, Romance and Wisdom

I guess the worst thing about living a 9-5 life and going out with mediocre people is that you miss out on proper conversation - the kind that has intelligence, quick wit, depth and substance. If i had a penny for all the peopel who tell me they like me because i am the only person they can talk to on a deeper level, i’d be a very rich man. Most people are afraid of “deep” talk and are always trying to fit in with illiterate retards who think words are throwaway items you just stared at blankly in GCSE English. It’s not cool to be deep apparently. The kind of people who think that also think that “depth” is about 1cm downwards.

In yesteryear your social status was inferred by your ability to converse intelligently and gracefully. Being discriminating as to the company you kept was a virtue, which is now in complete opposition to the absurd postmodern mantra of “accept everyone”. Why, exactly? I don’t want to know people who only do small talk. It’s pointless. We’re on this ball of dirt for such a short time and the point is to connect with each other and pass on what we feel and know, for the betterment of the whole race. In a nutshell, it’s about spirituality. Who you are comes out in what you say and do.

So in that vein, the gorgeously foxy and superbly sexy Caroline, the femme fatale, struck up an interesting conversation with me this week that was just begging to be published. If you’re in any doubt or confusion as to how you have a proper conversation and actually get to know someone, read on. Why rant when you can exemplify.

Caroline’s in bold, and i’m in regular. She starts. Each time we ask the next question to the other.

Ok deal! I’ll start then…

What’s the first thing that runs through your head when you wake up on a Monday morning?

Taking the initiative - I like that. Clearly a woman who likes to be on top.

A: am I late? Thought after: who’s bed is this and what’s her name? Then - time to fight the world.

Q; if you had one curse someone could throw at you to affect your life, what would it be?

A curse? Wow, that’s dark! I guess any curse would affect my life in one way or another! I guess it would be the curse of being really timid! Bad times!

Ok, your house is on fire. What 3 things do you rescue?

Easy. Laptop, blackberry and photos.

Q: what’s the easiest way to seduce someone?

PASS! (We’re all allowed to pass, right?) That’s a closely guarded secret of mine! Although, I’m sure some people use rohypnol.

Q. What’s the easiest way to seduce someone?

Lol rohypnol! New rules eh? Hmm. Chicken. Although alcohol and loingeries is hardly a secret now is it?

A: romance, and lots of it. Plus genuine passion.

Q: what did you want to be when you were 7?

I wanted to be a vet or a journalist! I remember being in trouble for completely bandaging the dog up one Sunday afternoon…

Q. Marmite?

Love it.

Q: for every ____ there is a ____

For every beauty, there is an eye somewhere to see it.

Q. Describe yourself in 5 words…

An excellent quote. I have a whole 500-person survey of those descriptions of me but I’d say…

Character. Passionate. Insighful. Compassionate. Complex.

Q: what pne thing could change your entire world?

Travelling for twelve months would surely make me a different person…

Q. What attracts you to someone?

Banter, character, chemistry and intense passion. Physically? Devil eyebrows,dark features.

Q: what turns you off someone?

A lack of independence, being too needy, lying, poor hygiene, game playing and horrible feet.

Q. What will you be doing at 8.15pm?

Telling my mum how much I love her and giving her a great birthday present.

Q: what was the last thing to blow your mind?

Walking through the Sahara and finding an oasis at 5am last month! It was pretty special!

Q: When was the last time you cried?

A few weeks ago after not eating for 2 days and walking 17 miles down a dark dual carriageway as a test of will and character. Turned up to see my dad for breakfast and he spent half an hour telling me to give up because I was a complete failure.

I am shocked that your dad told you that you were a failure. I know it’s none of my business but you don’t need people like that in your life Alex. Look at everything that you’ve achieved. I hope you are extremely proud of yourself. People that try to bring you down are battling their own insecurities.

Anyhow, is your day good?

Oh, and Q. What’s the last thing you cooked?

Thank you its funny the hardest battles aren’t with the world but with yourself the neglection by those who are meant to support you. My dad is an abuser and most of my life has been about ridding myself of the involuntary brainwashing - thankfully I rose over him a long time ago and have begun to see him for who he really is. Normally it wouldn’t have mattered but I was exhausted that morning and really didn’t need.a battering. It strengthened my resolve and I deliberately went out of way to return good for bad straight after by texting the people to tell them I believed in them and to have a great day.

Cooking? I suck at it! A monstrosity last night of chips, veg, pie and other crap!

Q: what’s the most moving thing anyone has ever said to you?

Isn’t it funny how the people who are closest to us are the ones that bring us down. Strangely enough my father used to be abusive too. Even though we now get on very well, I still can never forget. I’m also glad you turn the negative into the positive and don’t allow yourself to be brought down.

My gran died two years ago on Christmas Eve but I went to see her in hospital the night before and she held my hand and told me she’d always love me and that I would go far. I knew when I walked away that evening, that I would never see her again and it killed me to look back for the last time but her words are etched in my mind and the memories are still emotionally moving.

Ok, Q. What are your weaknesses?

Wow.

A: Devilish eyebrows, chocolate, my nephew, detail, being too compassionate when i should be tough, lingerie, my inability to let go or give up. A long list!

Q: What are 5 qualities all your closest friends share that makes them your closest friends?

Five qualities are: loyal, excellent sense of humour, caring, impulsive, positive

Ok, what five things really piss you off?!

A: lack of character, lying, attention-seeking, pretentiousness, stubbornness.

Q: What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

A. Being afraid is a state of mind and so if I really wanted to do something, getting over being afraid of it would be the first positive step to actually doing it. There’s no way I wouldn’t achieve something I wanted to just because I felt afraid! However, despite all of this, I’d probably need to coach myself for a few months before attempting to swim with killer sharks!

Q. When was the last time you did something really bad? Oh, and what was it?!

You should water Sharkwater - www.sharkwater.com

A: Normally i’d have a huge list of things but wow, i’m actually not that prolific I guess it would be the abuse i gave this attention-desperate chick i was seeing earlier in the year when she hurt me as i really lashed out and said some really horrible things. She deserved it, but it would have crushed anyone.

Q: How would you like to be remembered?

Um……… sounds messy… break ups always are. I’ve only ever had bad break ups! Are you guys friends now? I want to be remembered as a true lover of life, colourful, energetic and impulsive. Someone who never holds back in what they feel, think or do. Unless of course it’s very inappropriate! Sometimes my thougt should be kept to myself!

Ok Mister… Q. Ever spied / stalked on anyone?

Nope - i don’t have any respect for her at all and threw her out of my life for her lying and people-pleasing. I wish we could be but she has so little character than i (sadly) don’t have anything good to say about her. Perhaps one day, but only when she’s grown up and stopped behaving like a twat.

lol have you ever seen “Mr Inappropriate” on C4’s “Balls of Steel”?

A: Never stalked, but spied, definitely. Electrcnically, not physically. Always wish i hadn’t, but found out 99% of the time that my suspicions were right.

Q: Is there something about me that you’ve always wanted to know but have never asked?

Mmmmmmmmmm, sounds like my ex! Onwards and upwards! Lied and cheated on me and I just packed up, hired a van and left him one night when he was working a late shift! It truly was the most liberating thing I’ve done for a while! Balls of steel?! I absolutely love it! The bunny boiler cracked me up! I haven’t seen it for a while and so I haven’t seen ‘Mr. Inapproriate’ but I think the title says it all!

A: Again, if it was appropriate, I would have already asked you and yes, I have many questions! I may even have some inappropriate ones but that depends on how many gin and tonics I indulge in on the evening of culture!

Q: What’s in your pocket?

Beth just called me and said she’d emailed the details across. I never get why guys cheat? It’s just a weird form of greed and cowardice, the activity for those without character.

I have my very own Bunny Boiler-like girl called Persia Pirelli who is amazing. You might meet her on screening day.

I can assure that you can ask absolutely anything at all - in fact, i challenge you to try and unsettle me. I’ve see kids die in Africa, had huns pointed at me and seen limbs blown off. It will be a challenge!

A. Well if i reach dee enough, my manhood. Otherwise, a lighter, my blackberry, a pen, and some rizla.

Q: do you think we should publish this Q&A because of how cool it is?

Hahahahahaha! I’m loving that statement! Yes! Lets publish it! I agree, it is fucking cool and I think you are even cooler for suggesting something that is totally on my wavelength! I’m looking forward to meeting Persia. That’s a strong name too! I bet she’s awesome!

Alex, I’ll accept your challenge and ask you to do the same. By the way, I would say having a ‘hun’ pointed at you would be quite the opposite of unsettling! Hee! Right Mr, I have to shoot again, I’ll be back for more Q and A time in the morrow. Oh, and you can sleep on this one?

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

A: The way i judge and lose respect for people who have betrayed me, when i should love them and be compassionate because i’m just as fallible.

Q: If the world was ending and a secret new planet was discovered that only you could emigrate to with a few select people, who would you take, and what would you create that planet to be like?

Hey! That’s a difficult question Alex. If the world was ending, I would of course want to take my family and closest friends but that wouldn’t form the beginnings of an amazing new world. Just a whole lot of carnage and partying and forced incest. Yuck.

I’d take both of my brothers however, because the three of us could take on the world

My best friend and soul mate Vicki would come and I guess because I haven’t enough time to think this question through properly, I’d stick some seriously hot, intelligent guys up there too. Well, that solves the incest challenge at least!

The planet would be unique. There would be no laws and everyone would have a huge amount of respect for one another. There would be animals too… lots of them… and cocaine… and blueberry muffins…

Oh, fuck it. Now I’m daydreaming.

*Abandons question*”

Q: How do you know you are in love?

Just a whole lot of carnage and partying and forced incest”
LMAO!

I agree with George Carlin when he says children need at least one hour a day of pure daydreaming, with no interruption. It’s good for the soul, for creativity and for imagination. Amazing things we create in our mind can be brought out into the real world.

Well i guess we’re upping the ante and challenging each other now, because your one is fucking hard too!

A: When something good happens, they are the first person i want to share it with. When they point out their imperfections and i look at them thinking they make that person the most beautiful and perfect thing ever to have existed.

Q: What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make?

I love your answer!

Last year when I returned from work to the flat that I shared with my boyfriend, I discovered he had left his hotmail account signed in whilst he was at work. I completely loved him but my intuition is always right and something made me read some messages. I could never be prepared for what I saw and by myself, in the home we had made for the last 2 years I sat and thought about what I should do. We owned everything together, shared friends and more to the point loved eachother. It would have been easy for me to have welcomed him home from work and not spoken a word about my discovery but I decided to leave my life as I knew it that very minute and never see him again!

Now that, was a hard decision… but liberating.

Q. What happens on a Saturday?

Well thank you, i like to think i have a good grip on being in love, even if i do fuck it up.

That’s awful - i’m so sorry. Funnily enough i have a pretty good idea of how much it hurts as it happened to me earlier in the year. You have my ultimate respect for walking out like that as its fucking amazing!

A: A long lay-in, followed typically by some kind of tedious shopping trip, then either a long night of dinner and drinking, or a cosy night of DVD + duvet.

Q: How do you know you’re in love?

I know I’m in love when I find myself talking about that person, every possible chance I get and daydreaming more often than usual. I also know I’m in love when I look at them and see perfection. When they call me, I’m excited, when they kiss me, I’m in heaven and when they are with me, I’m complete.

Q. Define being secure in yourself.

I love your answer! Think you and i are similar romantics They say a woman innately sees her world through the lens of love, whereas men compartmentalise.

A: An inner peace, confidence and faith that you are loved, acceptable and have all the things inside yourself that you need to achieve both happiness and your goals/dreams.

Q: When should you forgive?

Well, for me it totally depends on the nature of the crime. If someone maliciously took the life of someone I love then I would never forgive them. I’d most probably just want to kill them. We all makes mistakes and ask for forgiveness and so I’m quite a forgiving person just as long as I feel the person really wants to be forgiven and knows why and how their actions caused hurt in the first place.

Sometimes, I forgive but then have a completely different attitude towards that person. People say to forgive is to forget but that’s not my case. I will never hold it against them, or bring it up to knock them down but it will be firmly stored away in the memory box.

Q. What’s your idea of an amazing day out?

I completely agree.

A: Something out of the ordinary - adrenaline-racing and thereal strangeness during the day, a fantastic meal early evening with loads of drinks in an ambiently-lit smoky jazz cafe, and a candlelit 4-poster bed after a long slow taxi-ride on the London skyline.

Q: If there was one thing someone could say to you to make your day, what would it be?

Sounds almost perfect!

I often find people make my day and I tell them so. I also like to think I make someones day once in a while! The last one was having a complete stranger come up to me last weekend in a bar and tell me that I stand out from the crowd. He genuinely wasn’t trying it on and only stopped to tell me for a few moments but it made my night! It also makes my day to know I’ve made someone happy or helped them with something.

Q. What’s your style?

A: cycles of flippant sarcasm to intense encouragement, underpinned by a total lack of timekeeping ability or any discernable eye for detail.

Q: Where’s your heart?

There are little pieces of my heart everywhere… except on my sleeve. It is not entirely with one person, nor will it ever be!

Q. What do you do to make a difference?

A: By acting and persevering. Its only been a person on their own that has changed the world. And to shape world events or public opinion you only have to influence a small group of people.

Q: Which of your traits do you want and not want to pass on to your grandchildren?

Excellent answer too!

Ok. I’d want them to have my charm and good looks but not my bank balance! Hee!

Seriously. My passion and flair would be a great thing to pass on. I rarely get angry but I wouldn’t want to pass on the darkness that I feel when I do!

Q: Ever lied to make yourself look good?

The darkness - i like that. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

A: When i was younger, yes. A little exaggeration when i wanted impact. Nowadays my reputation is enough to carry me along before i meet most people so i rarely get the chance to talk about anything i want to rather because they’re interested in what i’ve already done.

Q: When did you last do something when you scared yourself?

Mmmmmm. This is very similar to another question you asked me!

I’m always doing things that I’m scared of! Actually, I know! When I was in Tunisia, I was picked out of the audience from about 100 others to have a cobra put around my neck. It was a violent cobra and the charmer put it to sleep around my neck! I was petrified! He made me stand up and walk around with it and when she took it out of its trance it was savage! Three men put it back in the box again. It was one of the best and worst things I’ve ever experienced but I was in so much shock, I spent the rest of the evening pretty horizontal!

Q: What was the last situation you were in that you could not see a way out of?

I’m checking for consistency Fuck me that’s scary. The only thing worse would be putting a tarantula in your mouth.

A: Almost every situation i get into, as they are all ridiculous. Relationships where i have done too much damage, projects i’ve committed to that over-reach, and goals that are sometimes too much. That’s when my faith comes into play, as for me The Boss always has a way when i inevitably don’t. Sets you up for some nice surprises!

God i was born to be a politician!

Q: Describe your perfect relationship.

My perfect relationship?

I need to be kept on my toes, not smothered and given space. Apart from that there would be an equal amount of love from both sides and we would each have our own independent lives that sort of fused together at the ends. There would be lots of communicating, no lies and plenty of laughter. I wouldn’t want confessions of love too early on or to be pestered for commitments into the future.

To summarise… fun, excitement, lust, trust, friendship and some red hot episodes would be key!

Q: What turns you off?

Perfect clone of mine!

A: Bad hygiene. Poor imagination. Emotional numbness. People-pleassing / conflict avoidance.

What turns me on? That black and white picture of you on the bed.

Q: If you could do anything now, what would you do? Why?

So, that’s why you want me to hide at your place!

If I could do absolutely anything now, I’d leave this little white box and step outside into my travel machine which would have me standing on a beach in St. Lucia in seconds. I’d jump on the nearest unicorn and fly over the warm seas looking at the brightly coloured fish swimming below me. Ummmm……. obviously. Why? Because you said I could do anything.

Q: Tea or coffee? This may sound like a weird question but I have reason!

Could be, although you already knew that, as well as knowing the kind of reaction those photos incite

A: Coffee, always. Tea is just muddy water that tastes like piss. Coffee is a man’s drink - its diverse, makes you feel great, and is a lubricant in all social situations.

Q: Why do you get up every day?

Now that is the right answer! I didn’t want to say it but I wouldn’t associate a tea drinker with any sort of power! I do sometimes drink green tea for its detoxing qualities though.

I get up each morning to live a new experience. Simple as that.

Q: Where do you want to be in 10 years?

Well looks like we are t the end of our Q&A! Green tea is fucking filth! My hairdresser tries to get me to drink every time i visit him, and i awlasy refuse as its for gays and people who like drining hot water with some green stuff in

A: Enjoying my new seat in Parliament, and picking my kids up from school in an Aston Martin.

The end of Q&A time? Well, it’s been emotional. (and this is just my attempt to have the final word!)

Have a fantastic weekend, I’m off to look for some trouble…

Sep

nosediving into our great 21st century depression

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Business, Christianity, Jedi Skills, Life, Rants and Wisdom

Woah. First XL and Lehman Brothers, and now HBOS/Halifax. Lehman survived the great depression and the second world war, but got nuked by the great 21st century recession. Lloyds have now got themselves out of the shit by merging with HBOS. Earlier in the year, Halifax mailed all its employees to tell them what a “strong” financial position it was in amidst all the turmoil. Just watch now - they have twice the number of employees they need, so a third of them will be getting the chop. Enjoy the carnage. I know i will.

Update:
Looks like i was right, as the news only broke this morning.

“Thousands of jobs will be slashed and branches closed as a result of the £12bn emergency rescue of Britain’s biggest mortgage lender (Halifax) by Lloyds TSB, it was revealed today.”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1057379

I was one of a number of people who predicted over a year ago that we were on the edge of a very serious disaster when i had heard all the talk in the city of “battening down the hatches”. The bankers knew it was coming a long time ago and all the wealthy in this country who could pay for the advice moved their assets and investments overseas a long time ago.

Memorise this scripture:

“And God caused them to prosper in the desert.”

Even in the desert when everything was going the opposite way for everyone else.

If you didn’t listen to me back then, you had better listen to me now. Sit down and shut the fuck up.

The scary thing is that more and more people are talking of a “depression” than a recession. This is going to be so much more serious than expected, and it doesn’t take a genius to work out why. This may have a cutesy name to make it more palatable for you (the Disney-like “Credit Crunch”), but its a recession. And recession always last a lot longer than we expect them to.

The Western countries bankrupt themselves with 2 Middle Eastern wars, subsequently driving up the price of oil after tightening its supply (with Russia tightening up the supply of gas). China buys up the US and takes over manufacturing. Fractional reserve banks lend out vast amounts of imaginary invisible money (credit) to absolutely anyone and everyone out of sheer greed – many times more than they can lend by law (8x). Governments encourage lending to make their record shine for “prosperity”.

Meanwhile, consumers buy lots of shit they don’t need on credit cards and loans (free money!), but their salaries stay the same. Mortgages are easy to get, so everyone buys and lets out. The economy is based on invisible money nobody has, and can’t pay back. Spending credit drives retail forward, before it contracts again. Eventually the price of living gets too high, and there is no money to pay the loans back. The gap between debt and salary is too much. The housing market isn’t collapsing because of the value of houses (as they always go up), but the ability to repay. Banks will call in all their loans to pay back their own. For money they didn’t have to lend in the first place.

Having more money around in your pocket on the weekend gives you the illusion that you are prospering, even if it is a credit card. Being able to buy more things for your house is an illusion that makes you feel like you’re doing well. Other people around you who have lots more plasma TVs, computers, cars, sofas and clothes is an illusion that makes you think we are all prospering. It allows retailers to make a lot of sales when they wouldn’t normally be able to.

What do you get when you fuel economic growth by encouraging people to borrow from lenders? A collapse when nobody can pay it back. It’s inevitable. The only variable is how long the cycle lasts.

Credit that is tied to fixed assets will always survive as it is exchanged for physical wealth, so mortgages are a safe bet because banks can acquire property by default if you can’t make payments on your house. The Bank of England underwrites all national banks. That’s why we have so many interest-only mortgages – the bank owns your house. That’s right, you are a tenant, and they are the landlord. You pay their usury charge for 20 years and end up with absolutely nothing.

Sell your house now on the downturn and you are a mug because you’ll lose money. Wait and you are a mug, because you bought way too high (ever ask yourself why some land, some bricks and a roof is worth half a million?). You buy low and you sell at the highest point. Supply and demand. Simple rules. If you want a cheap house, wait a year until the market is flooded and the price is at its lowest because all the mugs are trying to panic-sell.

Economic conditions come in cycles, and it’s important to properly understand that. This depression is a cycle we are entering into that must complete. What goes up must come down as it tries to reach an equilibrium. World events push things off balance, but economies are always trying to reach a middle balancing point. The only thing that matters is the length of time of the cycle – the reaction and counter-reaction, and that is determined by world events. Economies are generally slaves rather than masters.

Lending drives up the bell curve of spending, so when the opposite of growth happens (i.e. contraction, or recession), it is the extremes of the economy that survive as the indulgent middle suffers. Rich affluent goods will always flourish as the buyers are wealthy enough to afford them in any circumstances. At the other end are the necessities for survival – utilities like electricity/gas/fuel, and commodities like food and water. Did you ever ask yourself why we have to pay for water when 92% of our planet is covered by it?

So what’s going to happen? The banks won’t be so flexible on overdrafts, and lenders won’t lend you anything after they call in as many of their loans as they can. The government will loosen up bankruptcy laws, and the current cabinet will take the blame for the problems and be driven out (it was a poisoned chalice that Gorgon Brown couldn’t resist). People will cut back on their spending and try to sell the things they have bought. Homes will get repossessed, pensions will be reclaimed and companies will make lots of people redundant because they weren’t really needed as staff in the first place.

The rich will make a lot of money from the contraction, as they always do. Drinking and gambling will increase as people try to escape, and violence will increase as frustration grows. Newspapers will capitalise on fear to sell more papers with nasty headlines. Broadcasters will pump out feelgood tabloid crap to entertain the masses away from how fucked everything is. People will move out of expensive cities to cheaper rural areas and reconsider their careers. Councils will reach for more money in taxes and fines.

Am i the only person who thinks this recession is a good thing?

Seriously, who gives a flying fuck if a bunch of greedy pretentious investment bankers and malingering lawyers lose their jobs? Granted, there will be good people mixed in the cull, but these are the same people who boast about their income at poncy wine bars and determine their whole existence on material crap. Fuck ‘em. None of them give a fuck about you. The financial industry and the usurers who make them up never cared about you and they live in a pathetic little world that is coming crashing down because of their own greed.

Because of this, a generation will learn the consequences of warmongering. If you ravage your economy to pay for thousands of soldiers to invade other people’s countries, you pay the price at home. Maybe if the city flashers have to move back to scale back it will force a lot of them to reconsider what really matters in this life. Maybe if you lose your job, you might be forced to actually do what you’ve always wanted to. Maybe this is a massive blessing and wake-up call in disguise. Maybe it’s time to think about what really matters.

Pointless consumers goods don’t fucking matter – they are sterile bullshit you are subconsciously forced to buy because you mistakenly think it will make you happy. Gadgets, clothes, accessories, flashy status symbols and so on are all just fake, man-made crap that doesn’t fulfil you or make you anything other than yet another gullible fool that has no idea who they are or why they are here. Sd now all that consumer shit is leaving, and the greed city fools are being humbled. Halleluiah.

Tomorrow i will attempt to tell the TV commissioning community something that i believe it has completely missed, and will always continue to miss. Yes, we want to be entertained and be given “uplifting” TV that doesn’t just plunder doom and gloom. But there is a much greater need in the human condition that is witnessed in times of great hardship – we search for meaning and purpose.

What got us through the Blitz was a sense of shared purpose and community. During Vietnam we wrote chants asking what war was for. After 9/11, we wanted to know why they did it. When we connect with other human beings and have relationships, we want to know who they are. We are spiritual creatures living a physical existence, and we are always needing meaning. We need to know why, because understanding comforts us. TV should help us discover meaning, as well as distracting us. It is the experience of people that brings us joy, and helping others is what fulfils us.

This depression may be your redemption. It may be an opportunity. It could be closing a door just to open a new one. It may force your hand, but maybe that was the only way you would do what you had to do. Watch and listen to who is being brought crashing down and ask yourself if you really should pity them. Ask yourself whether you should pity yourself when you knew it was coming and you don’t have to be a victim or something was always inevitable. A lifetime of happiness comes from helping others.

To change the world, you only have to change a small group of the right people. And tomorrow, i start.

“Fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there?”

“V For Vendetta“

Sep

invisible division by the creativity io paradox

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Business, Life, Rants and Wisdom

I haven’t written much lately, and that’s because of a mixture of things – the sheer amount of writing i’ve been doing for TV/business stuff, outright exhaustion and a little creative bankruptcy when it comes to my emotional output. I have so much to say yet i’m finding it difficult to say. In the last few weeks on my presenter search i’ve met some really amazing people. Really gorgeous ladies, and some incredibly interesting guys. I think i have it whittled down to a select few in my head now, but there is always room for one more. Tomorrow i’m at Channel Five all day so i’m getting prepared for a pitch-athon.

We worked night and day to get Virgilio’s technology done, listened to paranoid crap about the Hadron super-collider destroying the world, as well as talking to several bands who needed help in accelerating their careers. I added another 10 or so program ideas in my list, got a sarging buddy, and merged several others into packages. I got wrist-slapped by the BBC and ITV, the latter of which got very pissed off with me. Fuck them. It was a wildcard anyway as they’ve been a sinking ship for years being so tied up trying to please everyone and maintain a “broad appeal”.

And somewhere in the midst of all of that i decided to build TV formats around cooking, the paranormal and forced marriage. There are days when i will be smoking a cigarette in one hand, coffee in the other, asking myself “what the fuck am i doing?”

Sometime i need to get round to booking my trip to Israel at the end of the year.

A few weeks back i mentioned the theory that there are 2 distinct groups of people in the world – those who thirst for knowledge, and those who need to be entertained. I’ve seen it more and more, but i’ve also cross-referenced it with another two types which i believe overlap very well. The first groupings only address our input, or the things we want to consume and take inside. They are needs and things we react to, whereas to counter-balance we also need to consider our output, or how we deal with what goes outward, or the opposite direction. I even made a little graph for it.

I noticed it recently when discussed ideas for TV shows. There is a complete disconnect between people who come up with a constant flow of ideas, and those who have very few. Some people are creative, and others are just blank followers. A minority forge ahead doing new things, and the rest do their best to copy and imitate, as flattering as it may be. Because they’re always coming up with new ideas all the time, the creative mentality isn’t too worried about theft or exploitation, whereas the copiers are absolutely paranoid about it and incredibly protective.

It’s getting so obvious with me that i’m unconsciously discriminating between the two, and the truth is that i feel incredibly sorry for the ones who don’t have idea flow. My whole life and existence, as well as my understanding of meaning, revolves around ideas – coming up with them, appreciating them and realising them.

My answer to TV execs who are startled by my openness when it comes to program ideas is that we will never run out of the (and new angles on them), and there is more than enough to go around for everyone. And that is a pivotal attitude issue that defines a creative from a copier – their belief that things of value and must be hoarded, or whether there is abundance. Those who don’t come up with ideas are terrified of losing them once they are exposed to one, either their own or someone else’s they could benefit from. We will never run out of ideas, very few are 100% original (singing contests anyone?), only the creator with the vision will be able to do a proper job, and the combination of copyright, exclusivity of access and electronic paper trails is secure enough.

I just don’t understand it. It’s like holding a toy tightly to their chest and saying “IT’S MINE!” when its freely available to anyone. I have no idea what it must be like to wake up and not have a flow of ideas. All you have for company is what is around you, and consumption of distractions is the only escapism. The ability to create worlds in your mind is a life-saver on the tube. Inspiration can come from anywhere, and ideas themselves come freely to your mind so it’s difficult to justify charging for them.

Imitating and emulating others isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We all have to have a precedent to what we do. It’s not like you can be angry at those who just don’t have a creative flow going on – sometimes it’s the bane of my life as i can’t turn the fucking thing off. When people copy me i find it bizarre more than anything else. I just don’t get it. Why on earth would you just obviously do exactly what someone had done so openly that they’d know? Doesn’t it make you just feel stupid?

I think that’s the endless paradox within creative industries that is incredibly frustrating. Hundreds of billions of dollars are generated through the ideas of creative people, and the processes are administrated by a clone army of blank copiers who don’t have any ideas of their own. It’s useful i guess, as their protectionist bullshit is what helps to make the money from them in the first place.

How do you pitch ideas to those types of people who don’t have an extensive ability to visualise and conceptualise like creative types can? When you talk ideas to ideas people, they immediately fall in love with the possibilities and that excitement and shared vision drives a project on. When you’re talking to a blank drone, you have to triple your efforts to help them to get into it and be shown the possibilities because their imagination just isn’t there (they blame a lack of time etc). It’s like speaking rural Chinese to a deaf Norwegian and asking them to get into the intricacies of Arabic.

People who are envious don’t think they have enough, and look to others for what they don’t have. They don’t know how to create or envision a way for themselves to get it, so they take what is available and near to them. Describing it as short-sighted doesn’t do it justice – it’s just a total lack of initiative that can turn very malicious. When you experience someone who is envious, defensive, protectionist, money-grabbing, hoarding or just secretive, you know you’re dealing with one of those blank copiers who has little or no imagination.

There’s a grander picture to all this, and it’s about who you let into your life and allow to affect you. You have to determine where you sit on that graph – whether you are predominantly a knowledge or entertainment person, and whether you are predominantly a creative visionary ideas person or one of those sterile copying types that follows the other group around looking for their leftovers.

Then you have to work out who you’re dealing with or pitching to, which really isn’t easy as a lot of times you haven’t met them before. To inspire them or fire up that inner desire is a difficult call.

I’m finding that it’s important to know who is who in that way when it comes to my personal life. I just click better with creative types as they inspire me and connect with my own creative head. It doesn’t mean they have to be a Picasso, just have that idea flow or i find it difficult to relate and flourish, so to speak. Trying to have a hilarious time of it is too difficult when you have to explain everything or create a mental picture for others who don’t have the mentality to visualise what you are describing.

Creative doesn’t mean art, it means having a natural thought process and mindset where you can produce and understand ideas and concepts either from nothing, or from many things you put together. It’s just a natural process of making something new or adapted in your mind rather than having to adsorb it from something or someone else outside. Some are programmed to output, most just to take input.

After all, what is an idea? What is creativity and how does it happen? Many argue it is a gift of God. It would be perfectly possible for creatives to survive without the drones, but would the drones be able to live without creative people? It’s naive to associate something as subjective as worth with social role (is a doctor more valuable than an artist?, but there is a very strong argument that a) the academic system is weighted in favour of industrialisation subjects like maths and against the arts, and b) that because of their emotional, historical and transcendent quality, creative professions are massively more meaningful than 9to5 worker bee jobs.

Well, one thing’s for sure. They’re certainly a hell of a lot more fun

Sep

mentalism leaves tarot out in the cold

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments

Categories: Black Arts, Jedi Skills, Life, Rants and Wisdom

The closest to me will know that one of my favourite things to do in my spare time after dreaming up movie plots and blowing things up, is Mentalism - stage magic that appears to demonstrate telepathy and psychic abilities. Derren Brown is the most famous mentalist in the world. I only do it occasionally but what fascinates me is that its a different way of thinking and perceiving; it forces you to look at things differently and stimulates your sense of wonder.

Mentalism can be utterly hilarious, especially when it comes to spiritualism. The vast majority of stage magicians you will ever meet have an intense loathing for psychics, mediums, diviners, telepaths or other types who claim to tap into vague spiritual “energy”. They know its fraud because it’s Mentalism’s history and roots.

In the last few hundreds of years, musicians made their livings playing on the street as buskers or at larger performances. Magicians would work tables in restaurants and theatres, being tipped and paid by those they performed for. The wise will see what’s coming. Another form of going round tables and providing entertainment for money was spiritualism - telling fortunes, reading cards, doing seances etc. Rich aristocrats would pay “psychics” to hold seances in their homes as dinner party entertainment.

So guess what happened? Fortune-telling became a way of making money. “Psychics” and Mentalists started borrowing each other’s acts to incorporate in their own trademarked performances. Every single book or text on the Mentalist arts features the secrets behind performing fortune-telling, acts of telekenesis, spoon-bending, mind-reading and more. All of it is fake, and its so intertwined that its now impossible to tell them apart.

Did you think Tarot (Playing) Cards really tapped into mystic “energy” somehow, and your personal psychic was real (because got the real one, maybe it was done for free and everyone else got conned other than you) and actually was somehow divining your personality and future? Moron.

They’re playing cards - get it?

This is an typical introductory article from a Mentalism archive about how to “read” Tarot Cards in your act.

Effect 10: Tarot Reading

You produce a pack of Tarot Cards and invite your volunteer to shuffle them thoroughly. After shuffling them, you take the pack and deal six cards face down on the table, discarding the remainder of the pack.

As each card is turned to reveal its symbol, you make startling revelations about your volunteer that convince them you can see into their mind and personality.

Tarot Reading relies on a technique known as “cold reading”. It’s a technique used by clairvoyants, psychics and mentalists to make a person believe you can read their innermost thoughts. The statements used are specially designed to sound specific to one person and yet they are so general, they actually apply to a large percentage of the population.

Look at the statements below and see how many apply to you.

Imagine if someone claiming to be psychic told you these things; would you believe they had special powers?

You have a need for other people to like and admire you

You are overly critical of yourself.

You have some personality weaknesses but are generally able to compensate for them.

You have considerable unused capacity that you have not yet turned to your advantage.

Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you are worrisome and insecure on the inside.

At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.

You prefer a certain amount of change and variety

You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others’ statements without satisfactory proof.

You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.

At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved.

Some of your aspirations can be rather unrealistic.

You become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations

Security is one of your major goals in life.

Now all you need to perform some cold reading is a pack of Tarot cards and to memorize the above statements. Get your spectator to shuffle the Tarot deck and then ask them to deal six cards face down on the table.

Turn over the cards one by one to perform your reading. No matter what cards turn up, recite the phrases above and try to personalize the phrases as much as you can. You will get far more ‘hits’ than ‘misses’. And think – how many times have you heard a psychic say that the images and names of Tarot cards should not be taken literally in a reading? Now you know why!

“Cold Reading” is a massive science that takes years to master. Don’t be tempted to think its just a little trick - there are hundreds of books, millions of words and thousands of practictioners who have been evolving it as a science for centuries. It as much a science as biology, chemistry and physics are, and a lot more than just noticing a wedding ring to give a prediction of engagement.

The claims made are also very. very subtle and not so obviously general that you would notice them. As a reader spends time with you they get more and more accurate. “Shotgunning” is the most used technique for crowds or TV.

The statements in the article above are known as “truisms”, which are based on Barnum’s Statements of personal validation fallacy or the Forer Effect. Here are some others:

“I sense that you are sometimes insecure, especially with people you don’t know very well.”
“You have a box of old unsorted photographs in your house.”
“You had an accid