Archive for the 'Romance' Category

09
Oct

understanding the 36 hollywood human storylines

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Black Arts, Business, Jedi Skills, Romance and Wisdom

ModerScreenwriting has become a science, and what a fascinating science it is. A lot of people find writing awkward as it is so arbitrary and can generate so possibilities that it is difficult to get specific and focus. But like all things, storywriting has a formula, and genius storytellers (e.g. Quentin Tarantino) are the ones who reinvent it and breath fresh life into it.

Maybe you’ve been watching a film and are sure you’ve seen it before. Many people make the claim that Hollywood only has X number of plots/storylines, and they are continually re-used. And it’s essentially true. Understanding it is known as literary theory.

The basic storytelling formula is derived from Aristotle’s “3 Act Structure“. First, Act I sets up a situation and introduces the characters. Next, Act II complicates it and trashes it, and lastly, Act III provides a resolution. Within those acts, events that trigger major plot direction are added, known as “reversals”. In Hollywood it is known as getting your character up a tree, throwing rocks at him, and getting down out of the tree again.

Drama comes from conflict. In each story you have a protagonist (the good guy) and the antagonist (the bad guy). There is a source of conflict, because without conflict, you have no drama or story to tell of. Everything focuses around a person, or a group of people - every story is told through their eyes. It’s all about rhe characters. Everything else is paperwork.

You can group movies fairly easily:

  • ACTION
    • Buddy Pic
    • Cops & Crooks
    • Eighties
    • Gangster
    • Heist
    • Martial Arts
    • Pirates
    • Post-apocalyptic
    • Spies
    • Superheroes
    • Swashbuckler
    • Sword & Sorcery
    • Vengeance
    • War
    • Western
  • COMEDY
    • Black
    • Comedy of Errors
    • Dark
    • Dramedy
    • Genderbending
    • Mockumentary
    • Romantic
    • Satire
    • Screwball
    • Slapstick
    • Sophomoric
    • Spoof
    • Teen
    • Victorian
  • DRAMA
    • Academy Picture
    • Biography
    • Character Study
    • Class Struggle
    • Coming of Age
    • Courtroom
    • Crime
    • Epic
    • Family
    • Fighting Against The Odds
    • Historical
    • Melodrama
    • Period Piece
    • Political
    • Romantic
    • Terminal Illness
  • HORROR
    • B-Movie
    • Ghost
    • Gorefest
    • Monster
    • Nuclear Mutant
    • Occult
    • Serial Killer
    • lasher
    • Supernatural
    • Teen
    • Torture
    • Vampire
    • Werewolf
    • Witch
    • Zombie
  • ROMANTIC
    • Comedy
    • May-November
    • Separated By Society
    • Unrequited Love
    • Wedding
  • SCI-FI
    • Alien
    • Mutation
    • Cyborgs
    • Doppelganger
    • End of the World
    • Experiments
    • Magic
    • Monsters
    • Robots
    • Space Exploration
    • Space War
    • Supernatural
    • The Future
    • Time Travel
  • SUSPENSE
    • Detectives
    • Thriller
    • International Intrigue
    • Mistaken Identity
    • Mobster
    • Police Procedural
    • Political Thriller
    • Psychological Thriller
    • Spies
    • Whodunnit

In “The Basic Patterns of Plot“, Foster-Harris contends there are 3 types of plot:

  1. “’Type A, happy ending’”; which results when the central character (which he calls the “I-nitial” character) makes a sacrifice (a decision that seems logically “wrong”) for the sake of another.
  2. “’Type B, unhappy ending’”; this pattern follows when the “I-nitial” character does what seems logically “right” and thus fails to make the needed sacrifice.
  3. “’Type C,’ the literary plot, in which, no matter whether we start from the happy or the unhappy fork, proceeding backwards we arrive inevitably at the question, where we stop to wail.” This pattern requires more explanation (Foster-Harris devotes a chapter to the literary plot.) In short, the “literary plot” is one that does not hinge upon decision, but fate; in it, the critical event takes place at the beginning of the story rather than the end. What follows from that event is inevitable, often tragedy. (This in fact coincides with the classical Greek notion of tragedy, which is that such events are fated and inexorable.)

Modern literary theory goes further and defines 7 basic situations that all stories fit it into:

  1. [wo]man vs. nature
  2. [wo]man vs. man
  3. [wo]man vs. the environment
  4. [wo]man vs. machines/technology
  5. [wo]man vs. the supernatural
  6. [wo]man vs. self
  7. [wo]man vs. god/religion/supernatural

Then we look at specific subjects that dominate most books and films. Ronald Tobias propiosed 20 basic plots in his book “20 Master Plots“, which were:

  1. Quest
  2. Adventure
  3. Pursuit
  4. Rescue
  5. Escape
  6. Revenge
  7. The Riddle
  8. Rivalry
  9. Underdog
  10. Temptation
  11. Metamorphosis
  12. Transformation
  13. Maturation
  14. Love
  15. Forbidden Love
  16. Sacrifice
  17. Discovery
  18. Wretched Excess
  19. Ascension
  20. Descension

But the absolute master reference when it comes to storylines, plots and ideas was coined by Georges Polti in the 19th Century in his masterpiece “The Thirty-Six [36] Dramatic Situations” to categorise every dramatic situation that might occur in a story or performance.  He classical Greek texts, plus classical and contemporaneous French works. In his introduction, Polti claims to be continuing the work of Carlo Gozzi, who also identified 36 situations.

01. SUPPLICATION
(The dynamic elements technically necessary are: a Persecutor; a Suppliant; and a Power in authority, whose decision is doubtful)
A.

  1. Fugitives Imploring the Powerful for Help Against Their Enemies
  2. Assistance Implored for the Performance of a Pious Duty Which Has Been Forbidden
  3. (3) Appeals for a Refuge in Which to Die

B.

  1. Hospitality Besought by the Shipwrecked
  2. Charity Entreated by Those Cast Off by Their Own People, Whom They Have Disgraced
  3. Expiation: The Seeking of Pardon, Healing or Deliverance
  4. The Surrender of a Corpse, or of a Relic, Solicited

C.

  1. (Supplication of the Powerful for Those Dear to the Suppliant
  2. Supplication to a Relative in Behalf of Another Relative
  3. Supplication to a Mother’s Lover, in Her Behalf

02. DELIVERANCE
(Elements: an Unfortunate, a Threatener, a Rescuer)
A.

  1. Appearance of a Rescuer to the Condemned

B.

  1. A Parent Replaced Upon a Throne by His Children
  2. Rescue by Friends, or by Strangers Grateful for Benefits Or Hospitality

03. CRIME Pursued by Vengeance
(Elements: an Avenger and a Criminal)
A.

  1. The Avenging of a Slain Parent or Ancestor
  2. The Avenging of a Slain Child or Descendant
  3. Vengeance for a Child Dishonored
  4. The Avenging of a Slain Wife or Husband
  5. Vengeance for the Dishonor, or Attempted Dishonoring, of a Wife
  6. Vengeance for a Mistress Slain
  7. Vengeance for a Slain or Injured Friend
  8. Vengeance for a Sister Seduced

B.

  1. Vengeance for Intentional Injury or Spoliation
  2. Vengeance for Having Been Despoiled During Absence
  3. Revenge for an Attempted Slaying
  4. Revenge for a False Accusation
  5. Vengeance for Violation
  6. Vengeance for Having Been Robbed of One’s Own
  7. Revenge Upon a Whole Sex for a Deception by One

C.

  1. Professional Pursuit of Criminals

04. VENGEANCE Taken For Kindred Upon Kindred
(Elements: Avenging Kinsman; Guilty Kinsman; Remembrance of the Victim, a Relative of Both)
A.

  1. A Father’s Death Avenged Upon a Mother
  2. A Mother’s Death Avenged Upon a Father

B.

  1. A Brother’s Death Avenged Upon a Son

C.

  1. A Father’s Death Avenged Upon a Husband

D.

  1. A Husband’s Death Avenged Upon a Father

05. PURSUIT
(Elements: Punishment and Fugitive)
A.

  1. Fugitives from Justice Pursued for Brigandage, Political Offenses, Etc.

B.

  1. Pursued for a Fault of Love

C.

  1. A Hero Struggling Against a Power

D.

  1. A Pseudo-Madman Struggling Against an Iago-Like Alienist

06. DISASTER
(Elements: a Vanquished Power; a Victorious Enemy or a Messenger)
A.

  1. Defeat Suffered
  2. A Fatherland Destroyed
  3. The Fall of Humanity
  4. A Natural Catastrophe

B.

  1. A Monarch Overthrown

C.

  1. Ingratitude Suffered
  2. The Suffering of Unjust Punishment or Enmity
  3. An Outrage Suffered

D.

  1. Abandonment by a Lover or a Husband
  2. Children Lost by Their Parents

07. FALLING PREY To Cruelty Or Misfortune
(Elements: an Unfortunate; a Master or a Misfortune)
A.

  1. The Innocent Made the Victim of Ambitious Intrigue

B.

  1. The Innocent Despoiled by Those Who Should Protect

C.

  1. The Powerful Dispossessed and Wretched
  2. A Favorite or an Intimate Finds Himself Forgotten

D.

  1. The Unfortunate Robbed of Their Only Hope

08. REVOLT
(Elements: Tyrant and Conspirator)
A.

  1. A Conspiracy Chiefly of One Individual
  2. A Conspiracy of Several

B.

  1. Revolt of One Individual, Who Influences and Involves Others
  2. A Revolt of Many

09. DARING Enterprise
(Elements: a Bold Leader; an Object; an Adversary)
A.

  1. Preparations For War

B.

  1. War
  2. A Combat

C.

  1. Carrying Off a Desired Person or Object
  2. Recapture of a Desired Object

D.

  1. Adventurous Expeditions
  2. Adventure Undertaken for the Purpose of Obtaining a Beloved Woman

10. ABDUCTION
(Elements: the Abductor; the Abducted; the Guardian)
A.

  1. Abduction of an Unwilling Woman

B.

  1. Abduction of a Consenting Woman

C.

  1. Recapture of the Woman Without the Slaying of the Abductor
  2. The Same Case, with the Slaying of the Ravisher

D.

  1. Rescue of a Captive Friend
  2. Of a Child
  3. Of a Soul in Captivity to Error

11. THE ENIGMA
(Elements: Interrogator, Seeker and Problem)
A.

  1. Search for a Person Who Must Be Found on Pain of Death

B.

  1. A Riddle To Be Solved on Pain of Death
  2. The Same Case, in Which the Riddle is Proposed by the Coveted Woman

C.

  1. Temptations Offered With the Object of Discovering His Name
  2. Temptations Offered With the Object of Ascertaining the Sex
  3. Tests for the Purpose of Ascertaining the Mental Condition

12. OBTAINING
(Elements: a Solicitor and an Adversary Who is Refusing, or an Arbitrator and Opposing Parties)
A.

  1. Efforts to Obtain an Object by Ruse or Force

B.

  1. Endeavor by Means of Persuasive Eloquence Alone

C.

  1. Eloquence With an Arbitrator

13. ENMITY Of Kinsmen
(Elements: a Malevolent Kinsman; a Hatred or Reciprocally Hating Kinsman)
A.

  1. Hatred of Brothers — One Brother Hated by Several
  2. Reciprocal Hatred
  3. Hatred Between Relatives for Reasons of Self-Interest

B.

  1. Hatred of Father and Son — Of the Son for the Father
  2. Mutual Hatred
  3. Hatred of Daughter for Father

C.

  1. Hatred of Grandfather for Grandson

D.

  1. Hatred of Father-in-law for Son-in-law

E.

  1. Hatred of Mother-in-law for Daughter-in-law

F.

  1. Infanticide

14. RIVALRY Of Kinsmen
(Elements: the Preferred Kinsman; the Rejected Kinsman; the Object)
A.

  1. Malicious Rivalry of a Brother
  2. Malicious Rivalry of Two Brothers
  3. Rivalry of Two Brothers, With Adultery on the Part of One
  4. Rivalry of Sisters

B.

  1. Rivalry of Father and Son, for an Unmarried Woman
  2. Rivalry of Father and Son, for a Married Woman
  3. Case Similar to the Two Foregoing, But in Which the Object is Already the Wife of the Father
  4. Rivalry of Mother and Daughter

C.

  1. Rivalry of Cousins

D.

  1. Rivalry of Friends

15. MURDEROUS Adultery
(Elements: Two Adulterers; a Betrayed Husband or Wife)
A.

  1. The Slaying of a Husband by, or for, a Paramour
  2. The Slaying of a Trusting Lover

B.

  1. Slaying of a Wife for a Paramour, and in Self-Interest

16. MADNESS
(Elements: Madman and Victim)
A.

  1. Kinsmen Slain in Madness
  2. Lover Slain in Madness
  3. Slaying or Injuring of a Person not Hated

B.

  1. Disgrace Brought Upon Oneself Through Madness

C.

  1. Loss of Loved Ones Brought About by Madness

D.

  1. Madness Brought on by Fear of Hereditary Insanity

17. FATAL Imprudence
(Elements: The Imprudent; the Victim or the Object Lost)
A.

  1. Imprudence the Cause of One’s Own Misfortune
  2. Imprudence the Cause of One’s Own Dishonor

B.

  1. Curiosity the Cause of One’s Own Misfortune
  2. Loss of the Possession of a Loved One, Through Curiosity

C.

  1. Curiosity the Cause of Death or Misfortune to Others
  2. Imprudence the Cause of a Relative’s Death
  3. Imprudence the Cause of a Lover’s Death
  4. Credulity the Cause of Kinsmen’s Deaths

18. INVOLUNTARY Crimes Of Love
(Elements: the Lover, the Beloved; the Revealer)
A.

  1. Discovery that One Has Married One’s Mother
  2. Discovery that One Has Had a Sister as Mistress

B.

  1. Discovery that One Has Married One’s Sister
  2. The Same Case, in Which the Crime Has Been Villainously Planned by a Third Person
  3. Being Upon the Point of Taking a Sister, Unknowingly, as Mistress

C.

  1. Being Upon the Point of Violating, Unknowingly, a Daughter

D.

  1. Being Upon the Point of Committing an Adultery Unknowingly
  2. Adultery Committed Unknowingly

19. SLAYING of a Kinsman Unrecognized
(Elements: the Slayer, the Unrecognized Victim)
A.

  1. Being Upon the Point of Slaying a Daughter Unknowingly, by Command of a Divinity or an Oracle
  2. Through Political Necessity
  3. Through a Rivalry in Love
  4. Through Hatred of the Lover of the Unrecognized Daughter

B.

  1. Being Upon the Point of Killing a Son Unknowingly
  2. The Same Case, Strengthened by Machiavellian Instigations

C.

  1. Being Upon the Point of Slaying a Brother Unknowingly

D.

  1. Slaying of a Mother Unrecognized

E.

  1. A Father Slain Unknowingly, Through Machiavellian Advice

F.

  1. A Grandfather Slain Unknowingly, in Vengeance and Through Instigation

G.

  1. Involuntary Killing of a Loved Woman
  2. Being Upon the Point of Killing a Lover Unrecognized
  3. Failure to Rescue an Unrecognized Son

20. SELF-Sacrificing For An Ideal
(Elements: the Hero; the Ideal; the ‘Creditor’ or the Person or Thing Sacrificed)
A.

  1. Sacrifice of Life for the Sake of One’s Word
  2. Life Sacrifice for the Success of One’s People
  3. Life Sacrificed in Filial Piety
  4. Life Sacrificed for the Sake of One’s Faith

B.

  1. Both Love and Life Sacrificed for One’s Faith, or a Cause
  2. Love Sacrificed to the Interests of State

C.

  1. Sacrifice of Well-Being to Duty

D.

  1. The Ideal of ‘Honor’ Sacrificed to the Ideal of ‘Faith’

21. SELF-Sacrifice For Kindred
(Elements: the Hero; the Kinsman; the ‘Creditor’ or the Person or Thing Sacrificed)
A.

  1. Life Sacrificed for that of a Relative or a Loved One
  2. Life Sacrificed for the Happiness of a Relative or a Loved One

B.

  1. Ambition Sacrificed for the Happiness of a Parent
  2. Ambition Sacrificed for the Life of a Parent

C.

  1. Love Sacrificed for the Sake of a Parent’s Life
  2. For the Happiness of One’s Child
  3. The Same Sacrifice as 2, But Caused by Unjust Laws

D.

  1. Life and Honor Sacrificed for the Life of a Parent or Loved One
  2. Modesty Sacrificed for the Life of a Relative or a Loved One

22. ALL Sacrificed For A Passion
(Elements: the Lover, the Object of the Fatal Passion; the Person or Thing Sacrificed)
A.

  1. Religious Vows of Chastity Broken for a Passion
  2. Respect for a Priest Destroyed
  3. A Future Ruined by Passion
  4. Power Ruined by Passion
  5. Ruin of Mind, Health, and Life
  6. Ruin of Fortunes, Lives, and Honors

B.

  1. Temptations Destroying the Sense of Duty, of Piety, etc.

C.

  1. Destruction of Honor, Fortune, and Life by Erotic Vice
  2. The Same Effect Produced by Any Other Vice

23. NECESSITY Of Sacrificing Love Ones
(Elements: the Hero; the Beloved Victim; the Necessity for the Sacrifice)
A.

  1. Necessity for Sacrificing a Daughter in the Public Interest
  2. Duty of Sacrificing Her in Fulfillment of a Vow to God
  3. Duty of Sacrificing Benefactors or Loved Ones to One’s Faith

B.

  1. Duty of Sacrificing One’s Child, Unknown to Others, Under the Pressure of Necessity
  2. Duty of Sacrificing, Under the Same Circumstances, One’s Father or Husband
  3. Duty of Sacrificing a Son-in-law for the Public Good
  4. Duty of Contending with a Brother-in-Law for the Public Good
  5. Duty of Contending with a Friend

24. RIVALRY Of Superior And Inferior
(Elements: the Superior Rival; the Inferior Rival; the Object)
A.

  1. Masculine Rivalries; of a Mortal and an Immortal
  2. Of a Magician and an Ordinary Man
  3. Of Conqueror and Conquered
  4. Of a King and a Noble
  5. Of a Powerful Person and an Upstart
  6. Of Rich and Poor
  7. Of an Honored Man and a Suspected One
  8. Rivalry of Two Who are Almost Equal
  9. Of the Two Successive Husbands of a Divorcee

B.

  1. Feminine Rivalries; Of a Sorceress and an Ordinary Woman
  2. Of Victor and Prisoner
  3. Of Queen and Subject
  4. Of Lady and Servant
  5. Rivalry Between Memory or an Ideal (That of a Superior Woman) and a Vassal of Her Own

C.

  1. Double Rivalry (A loves B, who loves C, who loves D)

25. ADULTERY
(Elements: a Deceived Husband or Wife; Two Adulterers)
A.

  1. A Mistress Betrayed, For a Young Woman
  2. For a Young Wife

B.

  1. A Wife Betrayed, For a Slave Who Does Not Love in Return
  2. For Debauchery
  3. For a Married Woman
  4. With the Intention of Bigamy
  5. For a Young Girl, who Does Not Love in Return
  6. A Wife Envied by a Young Girl Who is in Love With Her Husband
  7. By a Courtesan

C.

  1. An Antagonistic Husband Sacrificed for a Congenial Lover
  2. A Husband, Believed to be Lost, Forgotten for a Rival
  3. A Commonplace Husband Sacrificed for a Sympathetic Lover
  4. A Good Husband Betrayed for an Inferior Rival
  5. For a Grotesque Rival
  6. For a Commonplace Rival, By a Perverse Wife
  7. For a Rival Less Handsome, But Useful

D.

  1. Vengeance of a Deceived Husband
  2. Jealousy Sacrificed for the Sake of a Cause
  3. Husband Persecuted by a Rejected Rival

26. CRIMES Of Love
(Elements: The Lover, the Beloved)
A.

  1. A Mother in Love with Her Son
  2. A Daughter in Love with her Father
  3. Violation of a Daughter by a Father

B.

  1. A Woman Enamored of Her Stepson
  2. A Woman and Her Stepson Enamored of Each Other
  3. A Woman Being the Mistress, at the Same Time, of a Father and Son, Both of Whom Accept the Situation

C.

  1. A Man Becomes the Lover of his Sister-in-Law
  2. A Brother and Sister in Love with Each Other

D.

  1. A Man Enamored of Another Man, Who Yields

E.

  1. A Woman Enamored of a Beast

27. DISCOVERY Of The Dishonor Of A Loved One
(Elements: the Discoverer; the Guilty One)
A.

  1. Discovery of a Mother’s Shame
  2. Discovery of a Father’s Shame
  3. Discovery of a Daughter’s Dishonor

B.

  1. Discovery of Dishonor in the Family of One’s Fiancee
  2. Discovery than One’s Wife Has Been Violated Before Marriage, Or Since the Marriage
  3. That She Has Previously Committed a Fault
  4. Discovery that One’s Wife Has Formerly Been a Prostitute
  5. Discovery that One’s Mistress, Formerly a Prostitute, Has Returned to Her Old Life
  6. Discovery that One’s Lover is a Scoundrel, or that One’s Mistress is a Woman of Bad Character
  7. The Same Discovery Concerning One’s Wife

C.

  1. Duty of Punishing a Son Who is a Traitor to Country
  2. Duty of Punishing a Son Condemned Under a Law Which the Father Has Made
  3. Duty of Punishing One’s Mother to Avenge One’s Father

28. OBSTACLES To Love
(Elements: Two Lovers, an Obstacle)
A.

  1. Marriage Prevented by Inequality of Rank
  2. Inequality of Fortune an Impediment to Marriage

B.

  1. Marriage Prevented by Enemies and Contingent Obstacles

C.

  1. Marriage Forbidden on Account of the Young Woman’s Previous Betrothal to Another

D.

  1. A Free Union Impeded by the Opposition of Relatives

E.

  1. By the Incompatibility of Temper of the Lovers

29. AN ENEMY Loved
(Elements: The Beloved Enemy; the Lover; the Hater)
A.

  1. The Loved One Hated by Kinsmen of the Lover
  2. The Lover Pursued by the Brothers of His Beloved
  3. The Lover Hated by the Family of His Beloved
  4. The Beloved is an Enemy of the Party of the Woman Who Loves Him

B.

  1. The Beloved is the Slayer of a Kinsman of the Woman Who Loves Him

30. AMBITION
(Elements: an Ambitious Person; a Thing Coveted; an Adversary)
A.

  1. Ambition Watched and Guarded Against by a Kinsman, or By a Person Under Obligation

B.

  1. Rebellious Ambition

C.

  1. Ambition and Covetousness Heaping Crime Upon Crime

31. CONFLICT With A God
(Elements: a Mortal, an Immortal)
A.

  1. Struggle Against a Deity
  2. Strife with the Believers in a God

B.

  1. Controversy with a Deity
  2. Punishment for Contempt of a God
  3. Punishment for Pride Before a God

32. MISTAKEN Jealousy
(Elements: the Jealous One; the Object of Whose Possession He is Jealous; the Supposed Accomplice; the Cause or the Author of the Mistake)
A.

  1. The Mistake Originates in the Suspicious Mind of the Jealous One
  2. Mistaken Jealousy Aroused by Fatal Chance
  3. Mistaken Jealousy of a Love Which is Purely Platonic
  4. Baseless Jealousy Aroused by Malicious Rumors

B.

  1. Jealousy Suggested by a Traitor Who is Moved by Hatred, or Self-Interest

C.

  1. Reciprocal Jealousy Suggested to Husband and Wife by a Rival

33. ERRONEOUS Judgment
(Elements: The Mistaken One; the Victim of the Mistake; the Cause or Author of the Mistake; the Guilty Person)
A.

  1. False Suspicion Where Faith is Necessary
  2. False Suspicion of a Mistress
  3. False Suspicion Aroused by a Misunderstood Attitude of a Loved One

B.

  1. False Suspicions Drawn Upon Oneself to Save a Friend
  2. They Fall Upon the Innocent
  3. The Same Case as 2, but in Which the Innocent had a Guilty Intention, or Believes Himself Guilty
  4. A Witness to the Crime, in the Interest of a Loved One, Lets Accusation Fall Upon the Innocent

C.

  1. The Accusation is Allowed to Fall Upon an Enemy
  2. The Error is Provoked by an Enemy

D.

  1. False Suspicion Thrown by the Real Culprit Upon One of His Enemies
  2. Thrown by the Real Culprit Upon the Second Victim Against Whom He Has Plotted From the Beginning

34. REMORSE
(Elements: the Culprit; the Victim or the Sin; the Interrogator)
A.

  1. Remorse for an Unknown Crime
  2. Remorse for a Parricide
  3. Remorse for an Assassination

B.

  1. Remorse for a Fault of Love
  2. Remorse for an Adultery

35. RECOVERY Of A Lost One
(The Seeker; the One Found)
A.

  1. A Child Stolen

B.

  1. Unjust Imprisonment

C.

  1. A Child Searches to Discover His Father

36. LOSS Of Loved Ones
(A Kinsman Slain; a Kinsman Spectator; an Executioner)
A.

  1. Witnessing the Slaying of Kinsmen While Powerless to Prevent It
  2. Helping to Bring Misfortune Upon One’s People Through Professional Secrecy

B.

  1. Divining the Death of a Loved One

C.

  1. Learning of the Death of a Kinsman or Ally, and Lapsing into Despair
05
Oct

much genius from deuce bigalow:male gigolo

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Jedi Skills, Life, Misc and Romance

If for some unknown reason you haven’t seen the classic comedy “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo”, my god, stop what you are doing now and watch it. It’s the original source when it comes to “man-whores” with “manginas” and “he-pussys”. Deuce is a nice but fumbling fish tank cleaner who accidentally wrecks a psychotic client’s flat and has to fix it before he comes back by taking up the apartment owner’s profession - man whoring.

“The “man-gina”: it’s a professional term we man-whores use to describe our he-pussy.”

Some of this just absolute comic genius.

That’s a huge bitch!

And of course, Ruth, the girl with Tourettes:

19
Sep

caroline’s q&a: getting to know each other

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Jedi Skills, Life, Misc, Rants, Romance and Wisdom

I guess the worst thing about living a 9-5 life and going out with mediocre people is that you miss out on proper conversation - the kind that has intelligence, quick wit, depth and substance. If i had a penny for all the peopel who tell me they like me because i am the only person they can talk to on a deeper level, i’d be a very rich man. Most people are afraid of “deep” talk and are always trying to fit in with illiterate retards who think words are throwaway items you just stared at blankly in GCSE English. It’s not cool to be deep apparently. The kind of people who think that also think that “depth” is about 1cm downwards.

In yesteryear your social status was inferred by your ability to converse intelligently and gracefully. Being discriminating as to the company you kept was a virtue, which is now in complete opposition to the absurd postmodern mantra of “accept everyone”. Why, exactly? I don’t want to know people who only do small talk. It’s pointless. We’re on this ball of dirt for such a short time and the point is to connect with each other and pass on what we feel and know, for the betterment of the whole race. In a nutshell, it’s about spirituality. Who you are comes out in what you say and do.

So in that vein, the gorgeously foxy and superbly sexy Caroline, the femme fatale, struck up an interesting conversation with me this week that was just begging to be published. If you’re in any doubt or confusion as to how you have a proper conversation and actually get to know someone, read on. Why rant when you can exemplify.

Caroline’s in bold, and i’m in regular. She starts. Each time we ask the next question to the other.

Ok deal! I’ll start then…

What’s the first thing that runs through your head when you wake up on a Monday morning?

Taking the initiative - I like that. Clearly a woman who likes to be on top.

A: am I late? Thought after: who’s bed is this and what’s her name? Then - time to fight the world.

Q; if you had one curse someone could throw at you to affect your life, what would it be?

A curse? Wow, that’s dark! I guess any curse would affect my life in one way or another! I guess it would be the curse of being really timid! Bad times!

Ok, your house is on fire. What 3 things do you rescue?

Easy. Laptop, blackberry and photos.

Q: what’s the easiest way to seduce someone?

PASS! (We’re all allowed to pass, right?) That’s a closely guarded secret of mine! Although, I’m sure some people use rohypnol.

Q. What’s the easiest way to seduce someone?

Lol rohypnol! New rules eh? Hmm. Chicken. Although alcohol and loingeries is hardly a secret now is it?

A: romance, and lots of it. Plus genuine passion.

Q: what did you want to be when you were 7?

I wanted to be a vet or a journalist! I remember being in trouble for completely bandaging the dog up one Sunday afternoon…

Q. Marmite?

Love it.

Q: for every ____ there is a ____

For every beauty, there is an eye somewhere to see it.

Q. Describe yourself in 5 words…

An excellent quote. I have a whole 500-person survey of those descriptions of me but I’d say…

Character. Passionate. Insighful. Compassionate. Complex.

Q: what pne thing could change your entire world?

Travelling for twelve months would surely make me a different person…

Q. What attracts you to someone?

Banter, character, chemistry and intense passion. Physically? Devil eyebrows,dark features.

Q: what turns you off someone?

A lack of independence, being too needy, lying, poor hygiene, game playing and horrible feet.

Q. What will you be doing at 8.15pm?

Telling my mum how much I love her and giving her a great birthday present.

Q: what was the last thing to blow your mind?

Walking through the Sahara and finding an oasis at 5am last month! It was pretty special!

Q: When was the last time you cried?

A few weeks ago after not eating for 2 days and walking 17 miles down a dark dual carriageway as a test of will and character. Turned up to see my dad for breakfast and he spent half an hour telling me to give up because I was a complete failure.

I am shocked that your dad told you that you were a failure. I know it’s none of my business but you don’t need people like that in your life Alex. Look at everything that you’ve achieved. I hope you are extremely proud of yourself. People that try to bring you down are battling their own insecurities.

Anyhow, is your day good?

Oh, and Q. What’s the last thing you cooked?

Thank you :) its funny the hardest battles aren’t with the world but with yourself the neglection by those who are meant to support you. My dad is an abuser and most of my life has been about ridding myself of the involuntary brainwashing - thankfully I rose over him a long time ago and have begun to see him for who he really is. Normally it wouldn’t have mattered but I was exhausted that morning and really didn’t need.a battering. It strengthened my resolve and I deliberately went out of way to return good for bad straight after by texting the people to tell them I believed in them and to have a great day.

Cooking? I suck at it! A monstrosity last night of chips, veg, pie and other crap!

Q: what’s the most moving thing anyone has ever said to you?

Isn’t it funny how the people who are closest to us are the ones that bring us down. Strangely enough my father used to be abusive too. Even though we now get on very well, I still can never forget. I’m also glad you turn the negative into the positive and don’t allow yourself to be brought down.

My gran died two years ago on Christmas Eve but I went to see her in hospital the night before and she held my hand and told me she’d always love me and that I would go far. I knew when I walked away that evening, that I would never see her again and it killed me to look back for the last time but her words are etched in my mind and the memories are still emotionally moving.

Ok, Q. What are your weaknesses?

Wow.

A: Devilish eyebrows, chocolate, my nephew, detail, being too compassionate when i should be tough, lingerie, my inability to let go or give up. A long list!

Q: What are 5 qualities all your closest friends share that makes them your closest friends?

Five qualities are: loyal, excellent sense of humour, caring, impulsive, positive

Ok, what five things really piss you off?!

A: lack of character, lying, attention-seeking, pretentiousness, stubbornness.

Q: What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

A. Being afraid is a state of mind and so if I really wanted to do something, getting over being afraid of it would be the first positive step to actually doing it. There’s no way I wouldn’t achieve something I wanted to just because I felt afraid! However, despite all of this, I’d probably need to coach myself for a few months before attempting to swim with killer sharks!

Q. When was the last time you did something really bad? Oh, and what was it?!

You should water Sharkwater - www.sharkwater.com

A: Normally i’d have a huge list of things but wow, i’m actually not that prolific :) I guess it would be the abuse i gave this attention-desperate chick i was seeing earlier in the year when she hurt me as i really lashed out and said some really horrible things. She deserved it, but it would have crushed anyone.

Q: How would you like to be remembered?

Um……… sounds messy… break ups always are. I’ve only ever had bad break ups! :( Are you guys friends now? I want to be remembered as a true lover of life, colourful, energetic and impulsive. Someone who never holds back in what they feel, think or do. Unless of course it’s very inappropriate! Sometimes my thougt should be kept to myself!

Ok Mister… Q. Ever spied / stalked on anyone?

Nope - i don’t have any respect for her at all and threw her out of my life for her lying and people-pleasing. I wish we could be but she has so little character than i (sadly) don’t have anything good to say about her. Perhaps one day, but only when she’s grown up and stopped behaving like a twat.

lol have you ever seen “Mr Inappropriate” on C4’s “Balls of Steel”?

A: Never stalked, but spied, definitely. Electrcnically, not physically. Always wish i hadn’t, but found out 99% of the time that my suspicions were right.

Q: Is there something about me that you’ve always wanted to know but have never asked?

Mmmmmmmmmm, sounds like my ex! Onwards and upwards! Lied and cheated on me and I just packed up, hired a van and left him one night when he was working a late shift! It truly was the most liberating thing I’ve done for a while! Balls of steel?! I absolutely love it! The bunny boiler cracked me up! I haven’t seen it for a while and so I haven’t seen ‘Mr. Inapproriate’ but I think the title says it all!

A: Again, if it was appropriate, I would have already asked you and yes, I have many questions! I may even have some inappropriate ones but that depends on how many gin and tonics I indulge in on the evening of culture!

Q: What’s in your pocket?

Beth just called me and said she’d emailed the details across. I never get why guys cheat? It’s just a weird form of greed and cowardice, the activity for those without character.

I have my very own Bunny Boiler-like girl called Persia Pirelli who is amazing. You might meet her on screening day.

I can assure that you can ask absolutely anything at all - in fact, i challenge you to try and unsettle me. I’ve see kids die in Africa, had huns pointed at me and seen limbs blown off. It will be a challenge!

A. Well if i reach dee enough, my manhood. Otherwise, a lighter, my blackberry, a pen, and some rizla.

Q: do you think we should publish this Q&A because of how cool it is?

Hahahahahaha! I’m loving that statement! Yes! Lets publish it! I agree, it is fucking cool and I think you are even cooler for suggesting something that is totally on my wavelength! I’m looking forward to meeting Persia. That’s a strong name too! I bet she’s awesome!

Alex, I’ll accept your challenge and ask you to do the same. By the way, I would say having a ‘hun’ pointed at you would be quite the opposite of unsettling! Hee! Right Mr, I have to shoot again, I’ll be back for more Q and A time in the morrow. Oh, and you can sleep on this one?

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

A: The way i judge and lose respect for people who have betrayed me, when i should love them and be compassionate because i’m just as fallible.

Q: If the world was ending and a secret new planet was discovered that only you could emigrate to with a few select people, who would you take, and what would you create that planet to be like?

Hey! That’s a difficult question Alex. If the world was ending, I would of course want to take my family and closest friends but that wouldn’t form the beginnings of an amazing new world. Just a whole lot of carnage and partying and forced incest. Yuck.

I’d take both of my brothers however, because the three of us could take on the world :)

My best friend and soul mate Vicki would come and I guess because I haven’t enough time to think this question through properly, I’d stick some seriously hot, intelligent guys up there too. Well, that solves the incest challenge at least!

The planet would be unique. There would be no laws and everyone would have a huge amount of respect for one another. There would be animals too… lots of them… and cocaine… and blueberry muffins…

Oh, fuck it. Now I’m daydreaming.

*Abandons question*”

Q: How do you know you are in love?

Just a whole lot of carnage and partying and forced incest”
LMAO!

I agree with George Carlin when he says children need at least one hour a day of pure daydreaming, with no interruption. It’s good for the soul, for creativity and for imagination. Amazing things we create in our mind can be brought out into the real world.

Well i guess we’re upping the ante and challenging each other now, because your one is fucking hard too!

A: When something good happens, they are the first person i want to share it with. When they point out their imperfections and i look at them thinking they make that person the most beautiful and perfect thing ever to have existed.

Q: What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make?

I love your answer!

Last year when I returned from work to the flat that I shared with my boyfriend, I discovered he had left his hotmail account signed in whilst he was at work. I completely loved him but my intuition is always right and something made me read some messages. I could never be prepared for what I saw and by myself, in the home we had made for the last 2 years I sat and thought about what I should do. We owned everything together, shared friends and more to the point loved eachother. It would have been easy for me to have welcomed him home from work and not spoken a word about my discovery but I decided to leave my life as I knew it that very minute and never see him again!

Now that, was a hard decision… but liberating.

Q. What happens on a Saturday?

Well thank you, i like to think i have a good grip on being in love, even if i do fuck it up.

That’s awful - i’m so sorry. Funnily enough i have a pretty good idea of how much it hurts as it happened to me earlier in the year. You have my ultimate respect for walking out like that as its fucking amazing!

A: A long lay-in, followed typically by some kind of tedious shopping trip, then either a long night of dinner and drinking, or a cosy night of DVD + duvet.

Q: How do you know you’re in love?

I know I’m in love when I find myself talking about that person, every possible chance I get and daydreaming more often than usual. I also know I’m in love when I look at them and see perfection. When they call me, I’m excited, when they kiss me, I’m in heaven and when they are with me, I’m complete.

Q. Define being secure in yourself.

I love your answer! Think you and i are similar romantics :) They say a woman innately sees her world through the lens of love, whereas men compartmentalise.

A: An inner peace, confidence and faith that you are loved, acceptable and have all the things inside yourself that you need to achieve both happiness and your goals/dreams.

Q: When should you forgive?

Well, for me it totally depends on the nature of the crime. If someone maliciously took the life of someone I love then I would never forgive them. I’d most probably just want to kill them. We all makes mistakes and ask for forgiveness and so I’m quite a forgiving person just as long as I feel the person really wants to be forgiven and knows why and how their actions caused hurt in the first place.

Sometimes, I forgive but then have a completely different attitude towards that person. People say to forgive is to forget but that’s not my case. I will never hold it against them, or bring it up to knock them down but it will be firmly stored away in the memory box.

Q. What’s your idea of an amazing day out?

I completely agree.

A: Something out of the ordinary - adrenaline-racing and thereal strangeness during the day, a fantastic meal early evening with loads of drinks in an ambiently-lit smoky jazz cafe, and a candlelit 4-poster bed after a long slow taxi-ride on the London skyline.

Q: If there was one thing someone could say to you to make your day, what would it be?

Sounds almost perfect!

I often find people make my day and I tell them so. I also like to think I make someones day once in a while! The last one was having a complete stranger come up to me last weekend in a bar and tell me that I stand out from the crowd. He genuinely wasn’t trying it on and only stopped to tell me for a few moments but it made my night! It also makes my day to know I’ve made someone happy or helped them with something.

Q. What’s your style?

A: cycles of flippant sarcasm to intense encouragement, underpinned by a total lack of timekeeping ability or any discernable eye for detail.

Q: Where’s your heart?

There are little pieces of my heart everywhere… except on my sleeve. It is not entirely with one person, nor will it ever be!

Q. What do you do to make a difference?

A: By acting and persevering. Its only been a person on their own that has changed the world. And to shape world events or public opinion you only have to influence a small group of people.

Q: Which of your traits do you want and not want to pass on to your grandchildren?

Excellent answer too!

Ok. I’d want them to have my charm and good looks but not my bank balance! Hee!

Seriously. My passion and flair would be a great thing to pass on. I rarely get angry but I wouldn’t want to pass on the darkness that I feel when I do!

Q: Ever lied to make yourself look good?

The darkness - i like that. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

A: When i was younger, yes. A little exaggeration when i wanted impact. Nowadays my reputation is enough to carry me along before i meet most people so i rarely get the chance to talk about anything i want to rather because they’re interested in what i’ve already done.

Q: When did you last do something when you scared yourself?

Mmmmmm. This is very similar to another question you asked me!

I’m always doing things that I’m scared of! Actually, I know! When I was in Tunisia, I was picked out of the audience from about 100 others to have a cobra put around my neck. It was a violent cobra and the charmer put it to sleep around my neck! I was petrified! He made me stand up and walk around with it and when she took it out of its trance it was savage! Three men put it back in the box again. It was one of the best and worst things I’ve ever experienced but I was in so much shock, I spent the rest of the evening pretty horizontal!

Q: What was the last situation you were in that you could not see a way out of?

I’m checking for consistency :) Fuck me that’s scary. The only thing worse would be putting a tarantula in your mouth.

A: Almost every situation i get into, as they are all ridiculous. Relationships where i have done too much damage, projects i’ve committed to that over-reach, and goals that are sometimes too much. That’s when my faith comes into play, as for me The Boss always has a way when i inevitably don’t. Sets you up for some nice surprises!

God i was born to be a politician!

Q: Describe your perfect relationship.

My perfect relationship?

I need to be kept on my toes, not smothered and given space. Apart from that there would be an equal amount of love from both sides and we would each have our own independent lives that sort of fused together at the ends. There would be lots of communicating, no lies and plenty of laughter. I wouldn’t want confessions of love too early on or to be pestered for commitments into the future.

To summarise… fun, excitement, lust, trust, friendship and some red hot episodes would be key!

Q: What turns you off?

Perfect clone of mine!

A: Bad hygiene. Poor imagination. Emotional numbness. People-pleassing / conflict avoidance.

What turns me on? That black and white picture of you on the bed.

Q: If you could do anything now, what would you do? Why?

So, that’s why you want me to hide at your place!

If I could do absolutely anything now, I’d leave this little white box and step outside into my travel machine which would have me standing on a beach in St. Lucia in seconds. I’d jump on the nearest unicorn and fly over the warm seas looking at the brightly coloured fish swimming below me. Ummmm……. obviously. Why? Because you said I could do anything.

Q: Tea or coffee? This may sound like a weird question but I have reason!

Could be, although you already knew that, as well as knowing the kind of reaction those photos incite :)

A: Coffee, always. Tea is just muddy water that tastes like piss. Coffee is a man’s drink - its diverse, makes you feel great, and is a lubricant in all social situations.

Q: Why do you get up every day?

Now that is the right answer! I didn’t want to say it but I wouldn’t associate a tea drinker with any sort of power! I do sometimes drink green tea for its detoxing qualities though.

I get up each morning to live a new experience. Simple as that.

Q: Where do you want to be in 10 years?

Well looks like we are t the end of our Q&A! Green tea is fucking filth! My hairdresser tries to get me to drink every time i visit him, and i awlasy refuse as its for gays and people who like drining hot water with some green stuff in :)

A: Enjoying my new seat in Parliament, and picking my kids up from school in an Aston Martin.

The end of Q&A time? Well, it’s been emotional. (and this is just my attempt to have the final word!)

Have a fantastic weekend, I’m off to look for some trouble…

xx

15
Sep

words engraved across a shining heart

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Jedi Skills, Life, Music, Romance and Wisdom

My grandfather had a saying that he impressed heavily on my mum, and she in turn impressed upon me. It formed the core of who i am, and its a philosophy that has come to underwrite everything i say and do. Unknowingly my grandad Frank, who i never met and is revered by everyone in my family for his warmth, compassion, generosity, success and gregariousness, has come to be the shepherd of my life.

He used to say “life is a long road, and you can either shove other people off it or help them back up onto it.” (paraphrased). How very wise, and so very important. When you help them back up, they remember. They help someone else up and pass it on.

I’ve met some incredible people, as i wrote yesterday. People like Persia Pirelli, Krystle Gohel, Jentina Chapman, Kaylee Carver, Caroline Tiernan-Locke, Joby Rawlins and more. I have 2 obvious favourites - Persia and Chloe. Both amaze me with their drive, lust for life, consuming passionate fire and their vision to reach somewhere and something greater.

As Chloe and i were chatting today she mentioned she had written to the people who had helped her recently, and as i was thinking “i hope i get a mention someday”. I saw my name. It’s a beautiful piece of prose, and if you wanted to know why i do what i do and why i am the way i am, this is why. I have a million wonderful things to say about her, as she’s a shining star that will just keep burnign brighter if she gets the support she so richly deserves. And she’s a hotter version of Cassia Riley too, which is great. :)

Its been a while since I put pen to paper. In fact far too long. The creation of my lyrics have almost gone to waste, so forgive me, fingers whom like an abused love still linger around, for I have sinned.

Its currently 5am, Monday morning is on its way. Not that make any difference to my lifestyle. I treat everyday the same, don’t particularly prefer one day to the next, something I learnt to filter a long time ago, (that Sunday night dread of homework un-touched). Although I do particularly prefer days like this one. Where time doesn’t matter, nor does responsibility as such. I’m in control. I have found myself again. I lost myself for a while. I lost the ability to know myself, I lost that control.

I could credit myself for being strong enough to pull through, but I think maybe its time I should credit a few rarities in the world, I have been lucky enough to meet along my journey. The very same people who carried me through, and the very same people who woke me up. These special people, each have their name engraved across my heart, and to the people who have walked away I wish them all the luck in the world, naturally, but this isn’t a dedication to my loses nor is it a dig. It’s a dedication to my future, and to the people who deserve to be taken with me.

I am about to launch a band, a band I want to help define a generation. Something society has lost along the way. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for recycling, but I think I am ready to stir things up a little. My desire is to try something new, I wont fail.…… that’s the beauty of it. This newness has nothing to compare too. Its fresh. Its exciting. it’s the future, it certainly isn’t the past. So here goes.

To the friend who is a teacher, who teaches children how to move their bodies. He teaches children how to move their minds, and every time I feel his warmth, he moves me. He taught me how to find myself again.

To the friend who is a designer, who designs the most amazing array of clothes known to man. He teaches me to design my own thoughts. I recently asked him for advice. He knows what he said, I know what he said and one day soon thousands of others will.

To my girls who carried me through. Simply.

……. And finally to the person who has found me. Found my potential and without warning, drew it out. He has taught me I have the power to change things, infact I can do as I please with whatever pleases me. I can stretch, mould and squash whatever is in my wake, but the best part about it, is I can do it with all the people who deserve to be in my future. Each of them will contribute the upbringing of my secret love child ( The BlueShoes Band) although that name is soon to be scrapped. After all I can do as I please J

But most importantly I am learning through the wise words of the one who found me. “I’m only just getting started. I have more fire under the hood that I can express in words. Every success is making me more rabid than I was the second before. The plans keep getting bigger.” (Alex Cameron, 5000+ offended since 2007)

So now, 5:30 am, day light spilling in, I am about to pour myself onto him. My Secret love child.

I don’t deserve it, but i’ll take it anyway. :)

04
Sep

safety from the damnation of love

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Jedi Skills, Life, Romance and Wisdom

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is … Hell.”

C.S Lewis - “The Four Loves”

A while ago i asked John to come up with the lyrics for the Killstream tune “Kill For Me”. This is what they are now:

She used to have some powers
Living in her crystal towers
Believing in a new ascension
Truthful lies with a new age look
in her eyes

She bears no big indecisions
Already much loved with inprecision
Believing magic lies behind the eyes
Happy cries, not knowing life’s a poem
or what it means between the lines

Yes she can read
But she can’t read
Still she worries if he
Would he kill for me

I thought I already had
I killed in my sleep and
I suffered my mind all
This time suicidally dreaming
in her eyes

And forgive all my obsessions in love
This is the greater death, of bringing
Magic out from behind your eyes
Before the little death when you realise
you wouldn’t kill for me

04
Sep

plural humility and histrionic narcissism

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Life, Rants, Romance and Wisdom

I spend my day talking to people, and i love it. All day, every day, talking to people from all walks of life with their different perspectives, opinions and styles. I am lucky to be blessed with an inordinately large amount of friends, and i keep making more every day. People on Facebook (Jenny was the latest) and LinkedIn are always complaining about the constant queue of new connections flowing through to me. I just love talking to people, learning about them, seeing through them and understanding who they are.

They say men speak figuratively and literally, and women tend to speak emotionally rather than focus on the specifics of words and grammatical correctness. For me, words are incredibly important as they have greater power than atom bombs. Words are important because language controls thought, and thought controls language. Accuracy is more than just being anal about punctuation. It’s about clear communication. The two things are inseparably intertwined and almost all our initial cognitive development as children is based on the interdependence between what we think and how we express it through words and language.

Some people use language to express thought, some to conceal thought, and others instead of thought. If you want to know how someone is feeling or what they believe, listen to how they speak and the words they use. If they are depressed, weak and negative, the things they say, the way they say them and the actual words they use will reflect that. Everyone inside of us is communicated in our expression of it, and you cannot hide it no matter what some claim. It’s the same stupidity that makes people think they can somehow “control”, “fake” or “suppress” body language.

Human beings are innately tuned to beam their emotional state outwards and express it both voluntarily and involuntarily. Suppressing it, or causing it to be notably absent, is beamed out too and it always draws attention to the unnatural condition you are enforcing, hence defeating the original purpose. As they say, if you want to call someone’s bluff, look for what they are over-compensating for.

All the great writers, artists, politicians and scientists have known the relationship between language and thought, and many have used it for their own gain. As George Orwell noted so infamously, “if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.” Get someone to talk to themselves using the language you want them to, and you come to control their thinking. Soften words and they don’t react to things as violently (call rebels and outright protestors “insurgents”, call recession the “credit crunch”). Get them to talk to each other negatively and you have a useful chain reaction.

Definitions of words and concepts control everything in our lives, so it’s essential to get them right. It’s our starting point for everything we say and do, and most of the things you think you have defined correctly in your head are incorrect and point to something else entirely. Before you label others and point fingers, or ask for something from them, you need to know 100% that you are communicating the right concept.

The relationship between the language we use and the way we feel is summed up perfectly by a well known African proverb: “one lie spoils a thousand truths.”

The human condition is often dichotomous, i.e. it has 2 diametrically opposite sides that conflict, but are easily blurred. We assume we know what things mean, but the chances are that we were given the definition by someone else who had already got it wrong and we never bothered to question it. To love truth is to love the accurate use of language to communicate it. Someone’s dedication to what is true and right can be measured by their attitude to how they use and abuse words and ideas.

So where better to start than to look at stubbornness, pride and conceit?

To be stubborn is to me immovable and immutable in the face of persuasion. We often perceive it to be a characteristic strength or a positive affirming quality. Unfortunately not. There is being stubborn, and then there is being principled. The difference between being stubborn (a negative antisocial quality) and principled (a positive assertion of character) is in the reasoning and motivation behind the behaviour itself. Stubbornness is almost always a knee-jerk defensive reaction to something/someone else and based on how we feel towards it; being principled is about upholding a defining belief that is righteous. It’s the difference between being upset and doing the right thing.

I’ve been told a lot of times that i “need to be more humble”, and what has always pissed me off about it was that i understood the sentiment, but the concept was wrong. WHen someone’s language is wrong, their reasoning is wrong. If you are not humble, you are supposedly “arrogant”. Again, this is not the case, and allow me to explain why.

Let’s revisit the definition of humility.

Humility:
A lack of false pride - the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.

Pride in one’s self, our achievements and our loved ones is good and healthy, whereas false pride is obnoxious. What is false pride? Conceit. The opposite of humility is NOT arrogance. It is conceit, Having reckless and excessive (false) pride beyond that is known as hubris. Pretentious means to assert a pretence, or false persona, and is almost always negative and unlikeable. But that again is about displaying yourself as something or someone else.

Someone once said to me that they were a “proud” person but also “didn’t have a problem with humility”. Pride is the enemy of humility and as you have probably have already realised, you can’t have both at the core of your being at the same time in the same way light and dark cannot co-exist simultaneously, even if they create shades of light between them. What that person was referring to was self-esteem, and having a lack of self-esteem is NOT the same as humility and does not mean you are humble.

Let’s look at the definition of self-esteem:

Self-esteem:
a person’s overall self-appraisal of their own worth.

Having a false and/or excessive self-appraisal of ourselves is arrogant, and conceited.

When we say people are “arrogant”, we are inferring that they think they are better than us, i.e. their view is unequal. They are judging us for being inferior to them. But again, arrogance doesn’t mean that, it means to have a false estimation of your own abilities and importance – it does not refer to the treatment of others or their abilities. Humility implies a belief in equality between people, whereas poor self-esteem implies inequality because you are naturally inclined to think you are worth less than others (inferior). Humility means none are superior or inferior, whereas self-esteem issues mean you start by thinking you are less.

Ironically the most common way the mind deals with self-esteem is to swing itself the other way and create the defence mechanism of arrogance, conceit and hubris.

And hence all these qualities are the characteristics of God.  Humility comes from knowing we are all imperfect under Him; we cannot be proud, arrogant or conceited as He gives us the ability to do all things and can stop/constrain us; to serve others is to honour Him, and put the welfare of others, above ourselves. Pride in ourselves comes from knowing we were made just as we were supposed to be and have what we need to accomplish our dreams; our value, self-worth and self-esteem comes from who our Creator is; we cannot be stubborn when the Father has unusual and unknown ways in which he accomplishes things.

Humility is plural - it means to accept we are all flawed and imperfect; that we are all worthy and unworthy; that we accept forgiveness and should forgive each other. It does not mean we personally should consider that we are less than others, it means we are less than what we should be when it comes to the Father’s intended creation.

When we are talking about all these very ugly traits (pride, stubbornness, conceit, hubris etc), what we are actually referring to is the umbrella concept of something that inevitably develops from a lack of self-esteem – self-adsorption.

Or as it’s known in academic circles: narcissism.

Narcissism is defined as excessive love or admiration for oneself; where a person is preoccupied with themselves, lacks empathy for others and has an unconscious lack of self esteem. The name was chosen by Sigmund Freud, from the Greek myth of Narcissus, who was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. A narcissist is described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on others and as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power and prestige.

The story of Narcissus is legendary and fascinating.

Narcissus was the son of the river god Cephisus and the nymph Liriope. When Narcissus was born, Tiresias (a seer) was asked if the child would live a long life. Tiresias replied “If he never knows himself”. As a handsome youth he left a trail of broken hearts from rejected lovers of both sexes. Narcissus wanted nothing to do with falling in love from anyone and rebuffed all attempts at romance.

His cruelty to Echo was not the only instance. Finally, the nymphs offered a prayer (curse) that he might feel what it was to love and meet no return of affection (i.e. unrequited love).
“So may he himself love, and not gain the thing he loves.”

Narcissus, upon finding an image of himself in a pool then fell in love with himself and, not being able to find consolation, he died of thirst at the pool, for if Narcissus had reached to take a drink, he would have shattered his own image into thousands of pieces.

Malignant narcissism is generally what Bond villains and murderous dictators tend to suffer from, but extreme trauma or arrested emotional development can lead to narcissistic personality disorder, which you will know, if you have ever experienced it, is unbelievably trying.

Narcissistic people are incredibly difficult to deal with, obsessive and absolutely focused on what they want and their issues above everyone and everything else. They walk around in a world of their own and are unable to connect or empathise with others, or realise their own responsibility when accepting the consequences for their actions. The worst thing is that they often wrap it all up and try to sell it as that they are so “caring about others’ feelings” or some other kind of righteous goal. The truth is that what others feel is irrelevant, and what they care about is how those others make *them* feel.

They don’t care if they hurt someone because their own feelings always take priority - what they care about is if that person’s pain hurts them or makes them feel bad. They desperately try to stop people getting angry not because they care about them as they claim, but so they won’t be shouted at, frightened or hurt. They will say they love someone when they want someone to say it back to them so they can feel loved, not because they mean it. Everything the narcissist does is about getting what they want and what they feel (even though they will claim it is about others), and it’s a very, very childish ego-driven state.

It’s important to understand that being in love with yourself does not mean you think you are better than anyone else or that you even like yourself. It just means that you are obsessed with yourself, and the way others opinions about you make you feel.

When it comes to narcissists, they are the only thing that matters. The tragedy is that what they want most in the world (for the world to be as concerned with them as much as they are with themselves) is completely unobtainable as the greatest, most loved and most beautified all have one thing in common – their self-sacrificing nature (the absolute opposite of narcissism). All have served others or higher principles than themselves. Seeing themselves as they really are would cause them to shatter like glass, just as it was that the water was to poison thirsty Narcissus.

We all have a degree of self-adsorption and self-interest, as if we didn’t, natural selection just wouldn’t function. What matter is the degree to how much someone is self-adsorbed. Thankfully nature has provided a natural cure to that kind of behaviour: parenthood.

Now if someone is still in a childlike state and narcissistic, the next step up the lunacy scale is to perpetually live in another childlike state - being histrionic. And my word, we all know a few of these types. All you have to do is look on Facebook or go out to a pub on a Friday night. We’re talking about attention-seekers, or “dramatic” people. Yes, it is a recognised mental state that needs therapeutic treatment of varying degrees because it’s indicative of an psychological disorder.

Histrionic means “deliberately affected or self-consciously emotional; overly dramatic, in behaviour or speech.” It is characterised by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness, usually beginning in early adulthood.

Histrionic women are described as self-centred, self-indulgent, and intensely dependent on others. They are emotionally labile and cling to others in the context of immature relationships. As well, they over-identify with others; they project their own unrealistic, fantasized intentions onto people with whom they are involved. They are emotionally shallow to avoid distress and have difficulty understanding themselves or others in any depth. Selection of marital or sexual partners is often “highly inappropriate”, probably to seem scandalous and alluring.

Women may apparently show “inappropriate and intense anger masking their internal battle between the quest for intimacy” and avoiding appearing mental, and they often form “entirely negative convictions towards the male gender and treat them like pawns as a defence mechanism for concealing their own inadequacies”. According to the psychopathology, they may engage in self-mutilation and/or manipulative suicide threats as one aspect of general manipulative interpersonal behaviour. If you know someone like that, they need help, urgently.

Why is it important to be accurate with words? Because people use them flippantly and irresponsibly – frequently because they haven’t got the faintest idea of what they think or mean, only what they feel. I sit there listening to people accuse me of all number of things because i’ve pointed out something they’re doing that is thoroughly obnoxious and they’ve just thrown crap back at me that i once believed. Manipulative crap that about me being nasty, fair and unreasonable, or just 4 year old girl tantruming because they’d been found out and didn’t want to be.

One thing i have learnt, as chauvinistic as it sounds, is that a lot of women turn into little girls who are screaming at their daddy when they are under stress and you need to remember that because you often get tied up in knots trying to get a mature conversation even started, let alone continued.

Word are bombs, and they are arrows. Ideas are invulnerable and bulletproof. It is our command of them that makes us what we are and causes us to feel as we do. How we use them affects others and changes their minds and lives. To be slapdash with how we communicate is to be slapdash with the hearts of those we love, and in some cases, those we do not even know yet, and may never know even if they were meant for us and to love us. To care for the truth is to spend time articulating it, as language stirs the soul and can lift our spirits and warm the inside of our chests; they can heal or they can harm, and we use them wisely or at our peril.

If you’re a narcissist, you’ll only be thinking one thing: that this article was about you.

03
Sep

wherever i am in your atmosphere

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Jedi Skills, Life, Misc, Music and Romance

I got sent these songs as a message, and they’re two of the most beautiful heartfelt songs i’ve heard in years. John Mayer truly is one of the most genius songwriters (and guitarist) in contemporary history in my mind.

I’m gonna steer clear
Burn up in your atmosphere
I’m gonna steer clear
Cause I’d die if I saw you
I’d die if I didn’t see you there
So I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore

Wherever I go, whatever I do
I wonder where I am I wonder where I am in relation to you
Wherever you go, wherever you are
I watch your life play out in pictures from afar

22
Aug

zoe: one ak-47 away from near-perfect

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Life, Misc and Romance

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Zoe Szypillo (http://www.zoeszypillo.net/). At 24, she’s a rising star of the modelling world and making her way up in Bollywood. I may just marry this woman. All she needs is an AK-47 in her hands and i’m all hers for eternity. I have an eye for talent and i want her presenting my shows.

Another one in my series of interesting and anti-anorexia models, she has a fascinating story and a wonderfully positive and intelligent take on the world. Her battle against cancer was recently featured in Cosmopolitan and is on the books at London’s Irrestible Talent agency.

“A former West Exe Technology College student, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in her left leg at the age of just 14. She had to undergo a year of chemotherapy and operations, causing her to lose her trademark black-jet hair. At one point, Zoe was even told that she only had two years to live.”

Here’s what she has to say about being thin and dieting:

When does thin become too thin?
“When obviously you are unhealthy. Some girls are just naturally very thin and find it hard to put on weight but some really do have eating disorders. I personally love to have curves, I am a naturally curvy person but work out so I naturally stay slim. I do watch what I eat but only because I want to stay fit and healthy. I have had jobs in the past when they’ve asked me to lose weight and I just walked away.”

Have you ever dieted?
“Yes, but I only go on a diet that’s good for my body and fits in with my everyday life.”

“An interview with Zoe Szypillo” - 999 West Country
http://www.999westcountry.com/stylefashionandbeauty/news/story/36772.html

More:
http://www.zoeszypillo.net/
http://www.zoeszypillo.co.uk/
http://www.myspace.com/zoeszypillo

18
Aug

our people-pleasing summer of discontent

By Alex Cameron 0 Comments
Categories: Business, Jedi Skills, Life, Rants, Romance and Wisdom

I never really knew much about the north. As i grew up in such a Daily Mail-True Blue home, the only side i heard about the times of the great winter of discontent were the Tory propaganda of Thatcher doing the right thing and shutting down all the industrial works, and the ungrateful whining power-hungry unions portrayed as the bad guys. There really seemed to be this enormous divide between the two cultures and political party allegiances. Middle class ignorance and bigotry grated on me.

I knew it wasn’t the whole story but i never had reason to question it. I only really took time to learn when i started to travel there regularly and listen to the people to understand what had happened. The inevitable trail of globalisation had started to hit and it just wasn’t feasible to keep the mines and quarries open when they were being bought up elsewhere in the European Union. Yes, Thatcher did have to do the inevitable thing, but her sin was much greater. Aside from being a political manoeuvre to stop the erosion of democratic power shifting to the unions, the damage was mostly in what the conservative government of the time didn’t do.

And no, before you flick away, this isn’t going to be a political article if i can help it. What Thatcher did was to fail to support the disenfranchised industries or re-train the communities with other trades to fill the vacuum. Whole towns were decimated, families left out to die and the swathe of the North embittered and alone. They took away but never supplied anything to replace it or show them another alternative.

That’s what i’ve been thinking about lately in terms of dressing people down. I do like to rip into morons, fools, ingrates and selfish brats because the fact they can’t seem to think their way to better times and being better people makes me crazy. I can’t see why they can’t do it if i can. But i have overlooked something greater – it’s not enough to rip down the dirty laundry, you have to show them a better, higher way of doing things, what they should be doing instead. I hadn’t the patience for it until lately when i began to understand the nature of how change happens using the metaphor of sowing a seed and watching the tree grow.

I have a good female friend who drives me mad, even though i love her to pieces. I told her a while back that although her and i really could hit it off romantically, there’s no way i’d get involved with her because of how badly she deals with difficult situations in her inevitably childish way. I know of 3 or so others who are currently doing exactly the same thing. I’ve made the mistake many times of expecting immature girls to behave like adults whilst i’ve been confronted with attention-seeking, outright lying and guilt trips about me being mr nasty.

Let me clarify, although i’m not going to mention her name even though she is heading overseas soon. Let’s call her X. X split up with her long-term boyfriend a few months ago, although they still live together (ding ding, alarm bells). As far as she’s concerned they’re over, and she has a new boyfriend and regularly travels the world with him. She maintains the long-term ex knows the situation but it’s still hard for him as he still loves her.

That’s all fine and good until you notice that her public Facebook with all her close friends still deliberately says she’s in a relationship with him, he doesn’t know about the new boyfriend and she never brings anyone back or talks to him about their situation. She’s only planning to change all that once she’s left the UK. Unfortunately she’s still very much in a relationship with him for all intents and purposes, and so no wonder the guy’s confused.

She’s keeping him happy. She doesn’t want to hurt him. She’s avoiding arguments and hiding away from it. She doesn’t want trouble and it’s easier to keep it like that because otherwise a whole mess will break up. She wants to avoid the trouble it will bring. As she has the upper hand, she can have it as she wants it and get away with it.

I don’t think i’ll need to point out what i think about her doing that.

It’s amusing she says she’s doing it to avoid hurting him, when she’s doing it to avoid being hurt by his anger, pain and broken-heartedness. I love the way women talk about “the relationship” when they mean “me”, and the way they say they are doing things to save others when they are saving themselves.

Now don’t think i’m tarring all girls with the same brush, but my god, this crap is so prevalent. Trying to point out that she is heading into more trouble than she thinks she’s avoiding would never do any good as she’s set on doing it, and too terrified of the alternative to contemplate it. She thinks she’s “saving” his feelings and their friendship. Girls, we need to get one thing straight.

No-one is ever going to thank you for being dishonest with them. And yes, it is dishonesty whether you accept it or not.

Sorry if you don’t like that, but that’s how it is – ask anyone. It might work on the set of Friends, but not in real life. If you think otherwise, you are totally, utterly delusional. X is going to end with 10x the anger and hurt she tried to avoid, and the friendship will be lost permanently. It has never, ever worked, ever. Deliberately trying to keep the peace might be a good idea at girls’ nights out, but it doesn’t work anywhere else. Did it work for your mum when she did it to put up with your dad? No.

This rampant people-pleasing crap is so appalling amongst women that it can be difficult to cut through the fog a lot of the time. Like other guys i’ve eventually come to the conclusion that the female gender is programmed to harmonise and is appallingly bad at dealing with painful situations and potential conflict. If a woman advises you strongly to keep the peace or gets upset when there is a conflict somewhere you just have to tune out and deal with it as a man. Ignore any of their excuses about why they people-please. Just tell them to shut up and let them seethe it out.

Now i’ve turned the curve when it comes to diplomacy as i acknowledge the idea of plurality and context, because it can be appropriate to be sensitive and not deal with things violently on occasion. But the balancing act here is stepping up to deal with the hard things when you need to. In female vocabulary, that’s not very often at all. Almost all routes lead to people-pleasing it seems.

I wondered where this silly idea came from and i came to the conclusion that it’s twofold – it’s a form of putting off something not very nice (good old fashioned procrastination) and again, old fashioned immaturity. It strikes you as the way a little girl of around 8 would react to her parents. It’s easy to understand that in stressful situations we tend to regress to childhood states – indeed, the practice of long-term warfare and torture is to induce psychological regression through gradual loss of identity.

So to put it bluntly, my friend X is chronically immature and desperately needs to grow up. I know it’s harsh as i think the world of her, but it is pathetic. Procrastinate on looking for that new job and you only hurt yourself, but procrastinate on a relationship disconnection and you hurt someone else. That’s the difference, and the reason why putting off the inevitable is completely the wrong thing to do. If you really cared about the other person, you’d be honest with them. If you’re not, you’re doing it for you because you are a childish coward.

Harsh words, but true. I can just imagine the feminine uproar- i shouldn’t be so insulting, i should just be more sensitive and keep the peace.

The trouble is, i’m not here to keep the peace. When you make decisions, there is division. Only when everyone is completely scared and confused do we all cuddle up in a nice warm herd. Sorry, not my purpose. I’m here to do live well, live honesty, and do the right thing.

A big girl doesn’t run away or hide, or “keep the peace” – she deals with things when she has to for the good of everyone, including herself. When things need to be faced or talked about, they are. A big girl communicates, rather than hinting, not saying anything or hoping someone will get the message on their own without any input/risk from their side. Silence isn’t a hint, it’s just plain immaturity and inability to communicate – little girls go silent when they are annoyed and having a tantrum. Running away, hiding, procrastinating, people-pleasing, maintaining a particular front for people and keeping those you love in the dark is not big girl behaviour. It is what a little girl does when she’s scared of making her daddy angry.

She might get shouted at. And when daddy shouts, it’s very scary. She thinks he doesn’t love her anymore and she’s not worth anything. It feels horrible. The best way is to lie her way out of it and make sure nobody finds out. And she gets very, very good at making up stories/reasons and lying her way out so she doesn’t get shouted at. As long as she can’t be disproved she has something to fall back on so she’s not shouted at.

It’s better and easier just to lie and let them think that things are OK, as when you lie things turn out OK and when you’re honest there is an argument. Right?

Very, very wrong. Very, very childish.

Why is it that we are brought up to believe we should do our best to keep others happy? What good does it do us? Has it led to a safer, happier world? Is that “peace”, or simmering resentment? How does it help our development as a species and as people to all try to be like each other and be responsible for everyone else’s feelings?

If you think you somehow “have” to appease people, you are pathetic. You are a childish fucking idiot who needs to seriously do some work on themselves as a human being. You don’t “have” to do anything in this life. You think like a 6 year old. You have a brain for a reason, so fucking use it.

Get that? You’re a weak moron who urdently needs to change for their and other people’s good. Don’t do it. Stop it this moment, right here, right now. It’s just obnoxious and immature.

I’m tired of having to explain why you shouldn’t do it. Do it to me and you can absolutely 100% guantee there will be a massive argument. The best way to avoid is to be clear, straight and honest.

We have celebrity thrust in our face constantly every single day by unimaginative TV producers and vacuous magazine editors who know it’s a sure thing we’ll buy if they put the latest flavour of the week as their lead story. Celebrity teaches you subconsciously that you must be liked by everyone. You muse please everyone. Everyone has to like you – all of them. If 100 people out of 100 don’t, or just 60, or god forbid just 10, you’re not acceptable and have failed as a person.

Wait a second. All those celebrities we see – is it the case that *everyone* likes them? Not at all. In fact, the vast majority of them are disliked, criticised and seen as a symbol of something unpalatable. But the public (you and me) want to be like them because they are significant and the subject of attention, conferring value.

Bill Cosby can have moments of absolute genius and this was one of them, when he was asked the secret of his success:

“Nobody knows the secret of success, but the secret of failure is to try to please everyone.”

Bill Cosby

That’s right; there is a secret to failure, and congratulations for learning it so well and really taking it to heart. Pleasing everyone is totally, utterly impossible, but you’re going to religiously give it a go regardless of the fact that has never been accomplished in humanity’s history, and anyone of any note wouldn’t even dare try it because it is so foolish.

Did you read that properly? The secret of failure to try to please everyone.

If you want to make something of yourself and your life, you are going to get criticised. You are going to make enemies. Not everyone is going to be behind you - in fact a lot will be against you.

You will make enemies and have arguments. GET OVER IT.

You will fail if you try to please everyone. Pleasing everyone is guaranteed to lead you to absolute failure. Standing out involves upsetting the apple cart and standing out.

Stop trying to please everyone and accept you won’t. And that’s perfectly OK. You’re not meant to. Lots of people who piss you off too, and try to keep you pleased (which you hate of course – do you thank them for it like you want people to thank you for it?). The more people you piss off, the more likely it is you’re getting somewhere. When you succeed, it will threaten others and make them feel crap about themselves, even though it should really liberate them to do the same. Some are so small-minded, seized on their inferior complexes and blinded by their every day material obsessions to be broad enough to celebrate with you. The more resistance you experience, the more you are stirring up the waters and making headway.

You judge a person by their enemies. Everyone wants to be your friend if you have something they want (money, status, body etc), but your enemies directly correlate to your true status. If your enemy is big, you’re big. If you have no enemies, you are no-one. So people-pleasing is about keeping your head down, being absorbed into the crowd/background noise, and pushing yourself down so that nasty situation you want to avoid doesn’t happen. Remember that – if you are trying to have no enemies, you are trying to be anonymous and nothing.

If you don’t threaten anyone, you’re not a threat Duh. Only when you start to become something do you start being noticed out of the crowd worrying other people they might be overtaken or replaced – and they won’t like it. They’ll act to subdue you, neutralise you or just point out all your flaws.

One of the most liberating realisations i ever had was when i was doing my little personal survey, and i was looking at the answers to “would you vote for me as prime minster?”. Even though it was flippant silliness, i was a little bruised about the 30& who said they wouldn’t. Then i looked at it again, and saw 70% said yes. Fuck that, all i would need is to have a majority on side, and just give up trying to convince the other minority as they’d vote against me anyway. All i would actually need is 51% to do it. That re-frames and changes the way you look at it. I broke through.

You shouldn’t really need anyone else’s approval at all, although if you’re in the arena i am public opinion is a source of power so must be protected and moulded. When you realise that all you really need is 60% or more positive vote, the other 40% are completely irrelevant. You have your victory, and the win gets a hell of a lot closer when you set the goalposts at the right distance. Live with victory in your sights, and you are victorious. You decide the rules by understanding the game, and you win the battle beforehand. Success isn’t a newspaper headline or a place, it’s a series of headlines and a journey of a number of celebrations one after the other.

As Andy Warhol observed, you don’t read your own press, you weigh it.

Let’s take the every day example of walking down the High Street rating your own attractiveness (as some very vain morons do), where you pass by maybe 200 strangers. Right of the bat, 100 of them are the same gender as you, so you’re left with 100. Out of that 100, you’ll probably find 25 of them attractive, and maybe 2 or 3 very attractive. The same principle goes for you – any other person will put you in their top 25, and only 2 or 3 will think “wow”. If you go around wanting and needing to be attractive to all 200, you are an idiot. Only a fool would attempt that or expect it. It’s nonsensical, but you do it anyway.

People-pleasing is a very immature, unevolved and to be honest, rather silly idea we learn when we are young. You’re not going to be attractive to everyone. Not everyone is going to like you or care about you, but we let it hold us back inside. Once you full grasp the principle of only needing the majority (if you even need that, which you don’t), life changes. Once you stop having unreasonable and absurd expectations that are fantasy, you can start to step out and do amazing things.

In most cases you can’t truly avoid conflict. Putting it off only makes it worse, despite you thinking that the longer you leave it, the less it will hurt or the calmer someone will get. If you stubbornly refuse to deal with it, you’re in for the original trouble x 100, simply because you have all that time for stewing and the bad feeling that goes with someone being led on and/or appeased. Being pleased or appeased isn’t enjoyable, you will never be “appreciated” for it and it will never get you out of the woods. All it does is delay the inevitable and make the likelihood of it being ven more painful as a result totally inevitable.

Indeed, one of the most fascinating debates we have in school to become warmed to the complexity of politics is about Neville Chamberlain’s appeasement of Hitler, and whether it was simple cowardice or just buying us to time to equip ourselves to fight back. If the majority of women had their way, we’d still be appeasing him into the 1950s whilst he assimilated Britain. Winston Churchill, widely renowned as our great Prime Minster of all time who led us to victory in a world war, noted very astutely:

“An appeaser [people-pleaser] is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last.”

Winston Churchill

By the way, that’s you. Feeding the crocodile in the hope the trouble won’t happen. When you think about it, it’s entirely dumb, but that’s what fear does to people. Yes you can be stupid, but you don’t interrupt your thought process and stop it now, do you?

If i only wrote things on here that attempted to please you and tell you what you wanted to hear, would you read it? I doubt it. Do you want to be told what you want to hear, or do you want the truth? Do you want to know how someone has spent time working out what to tell you to keep you sweet? Would you respect then for it, or think more of them if they dealt with it maturely? Do you want to know how long it’s taken for them to come up with a way of being totally dishonest with you, supposed for your own good? Do you think anyone is going to thank you or be kind to you for it?

It’s not that i like sadistically attacking emotionally-underdeveloped adult girl-children, but you have to make these decisions based on what your values are. I don’t have much time on this planet and i don’t plan on spending it on small talk and being appeased by people. I simply can’t respect anyone who does it, even though i understand it. Of course i understand it, but that doesn’t make it right or make it forgivable. I understand why Stalin killed 40 million of his own countrymen, but i’m certainly not going to accept it. I’m not going to try to tell God what he wants to hear when i pray, and i’m not going to live in open active denial beca